NORTH COUNTY BLOG

Water Dog? Not So Much

2009-06-23T21:22:00.003-05:00

On our walk Sunday morning in St Ferdinand Park, a group of ducks and ducklings waddled over to the fishing lake and plunged in rather than risk facing Daisy the Golden Puppy. They chose the perfect escape, because, in spite of her retriever lineage, Daisy hates water and avoids it like the plague! The best she could do was stand at the edge of the lake and look wistfully out at the quackers. It's probably just as well.

Now THIS is Retirement! or, How I Tested My Heart, Blood Pressure, and Pulse Rate

2009-06-17T20:34:00.003-05:00

I attended a Father's Day party at my Pop's retirement community today, and got more than my money's worth. Besides the BBQ ribs and cheesecake, there was also live entertainment in the form of a belly dancer. I have to admit, I was expecting a 90-year-old in a moo-moo, but I was pleasantly surprised when the shindig started. The funniest part was that while a shapely, half-naked girl was twirling in front of them, most of the old codgers weren't even aware of what was going on. They didn't even notice when she danced with a sword balanced on her head! Oh well, I guess it still beats being on oxygen in the nursing home.

Don't Eat Quackers in Bed

2009-06-05T10:37:00.003-05:00

This seems to be the week for wildlife! On Friday morning, about 6:30 a.m., Daisy the Golden and yours truly were at St Ferdinand Park in Florissant when we came across this family gathering of ducks and ducklings. Daisy was very good and didn't ty to terrorize them, but Mom and Pop Duck moved the little quackers to the pond shortly after just to be sure.

Daisy and the Turtle

2009-06-01T17:23:00.005-05:00

Today was wildlife day at Sunset Park in Florissant. Daisy the Crazy Golden Retriever and I were out on a morning stroll a little before 6 a.m., and the entire area was alive with rabbits, squirrels, geese, and one critter we hadn't come across before. We were almost done with our walk when Daisy spotted a turtle sunning himself in the grass. His head was stretched out on his neck as far as it would go, but he quickly withdrew to his shell as the very excited pup raced up to him. He refused to come back out, so I was slowly able to coax Daisy away from him and let him go back about his business. Daisy really wanted to get nose to nose, so I'm glad he wasn't a snapper.

Physical Therapy

2009-05-21T18:32:00.011-05:00

OK, so I've alluded to the fact that I've made some strides in recovering from my recent stroke. My neurologist feels I've improved as well, but decided to send me to physical therapy to work on my balance, and, hopefully, help strengthen my left arm and leg. She was also concerned that one leg was shorter than the other, and that it was contributing to my sometimes unsteady gait.

Luckily, my therapist was very laid-back and took a common-sense approach to my rehab. He explained that recovery was best served by first making sure I didn't fall and injure myself further. He also reassured me that my legs were both the same length. He designed some exercises to help my balance and strengthen my back, hips and legs. As I walked out on my first day, I thought rehab would be a cinch since the exercises were so simple. Simple didn't turn out to mean easy.

First, I overestimated my physical condition. Just a few weeks of inactivity, and a small stroke, had really reduced my strength. The exercises took only a little over half-an-hour to complete, but by the end I was pretty worn out. Is this the same guy who could bench press 200 pounds not all that long ago? I was now a 230-pund wimp.

Secondy, several of the exercises require me to lie on the floor. Not bad in itself, but as soon as I started, Daisy the 75-pound Golden Retriever decided I was inviting her to play. The whole time I was working one leg or arm, I was trying to arm wrestle a hairy version of Hulk Hogan with the other! The more I pushed her away, the more she charged back for more. By the time I finished, I was covered with sweat, fur, and dog slobber. Somehow, I don't think this is what my doctor had in mind when she said I needed some help in getting back to 100%.

The last part of my routine involves walking heel to toe and alternate high-stepping. To get enough room, and have a wall to help balance me, I moved outside along the side of the house on our carport. The whole time, I could imagine the other folks on the street wondering why their crazy neighbor was goose-stepping up and down his driveway like the Waffen SS.

By the time I finish rehab, we'll probably have to move.

wa

On the Road to Recovery?

2009-05-18T08:43:00.006-05:00

Well, it's been a month since I suffered a brain injury due to stroke, and I guess it's time to pause and figure out where I started from and where I'm headed.

Four weeks ago, the left side of my body (really, it's as if someone drew a line straight down the middle, from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet!) was numb, my left arm was pretty much paralyzed, and my left leg was so weak I had to lift it into bed or into the car by using my right arm. To walk, I had to either hold onto someone else, or use a cane to keep from falling (which I did, spectacularly I might add, on several occassions).

Nightime bathroom excursions were pretty crazy, as I tried to get out of bed, navigate to the bathroom, and then find my way back to bed without falling, running into the wall, or bouncing off the mattress when I collapsed back onto it on my return.

Mrs Merc Man and Daisy the Golden Puppy didn't get much rest, what with catering to my every need or trying to pick me back up off the floor when I didn't quite reach my intended destination. Every teetering journey across a room and every attempt to get out of a chair required them to drop what they were doing and come to my rescue/assistance. On top of being depressed about my illness, I felt bad that I was wearing them out with worry as well. Gimlet, Froggie Girl, and Grandma Gimlet all pitched in to help, and as much as I appreciated all their support, it's tough to see your family stressing themselves with worry over a middle-aged invalid who didn't spend enough time taking care of his health. Somehow, I had to get better.

And slowly, things have gotten better. My left leg still wants to drag and/or turn under when I walk too much, but I can actually flex my ankle now and I haven't kissed the concrete in a couple of weeks. My left hand is no longer drawn into a claw, and I can actually grasp and hold things with it. I actually applied deodorant to my own underarms recently, and the improvement in the household atmosphere is akin to the sweet smell of success!

The left-side numbness is beginning to resolve, although it's replaced by a tingling, wake-up-from-sleep kind of pins and needles that feels just plain creepy.

The biggest pain is the overall feeling of exhaustion I've had since my illness. Simple tasks completely wear me out; just cleaning up can leave me wiped out for a couple hours.

So far, I'd give my recovery a score of C. I'm much improved over the last four weeks, but I still have a long road ahead. Unfortunately, the road is not lined with comfy couches, golden arches and ice cream sandwiches. Couldn't I just be 25 again? 35? 45? Hell, 55!

You Can Eat All the Green Vegetables You Want.....Gee, Thanks!

2009-05-16T10:10:00.004-05:00

A big part of my wake-up call after suffering a stroke was having to accept the fact that I was going to have to change my diet. Fast food burgers, pizza, and the multitude of sundaes, sub sandwiches, etc, etc, that I dearly loved were now verboten if I was going to avoid diabetes.

Having high blood pressure, I also needed to eliminate as much salt from my diet as well, and I quickly became obsessed with reading food lables to try and find something that was good for me and also tasted like food instead of cardboard. Let me tell you, it don't come easy.

Nutrtion websites proclaim loudly that you can eat all the vegetables you want and still have a healthy body. Problem is, at least to me, is that I have yet to meet a carrot that tastes like french fries or a monster pizza. Even a bargain brand ice cream beats broccoli hands down, unless the green stuff is smothered with melted Velveeta.

Then there's the no-salt thing. I never realized how much of a salt-o-holic I was until I started doing without, and with the amount of sodium loaded into almost every prepared food, canned vegetable, bakery goods, etc, it's really hard to avoid overload. Even my favorite frozen pancakes hold more salt than the Dead Sea!

At the beginning of my quest to eat better, I thought the biggest challenge would be controlling calories. At 6 feet tall, I weighed 240 pounds the day I came home from the horse-pital (just some equine humor--it's close to the day of the Preakness), so to reach my ideal weight I needed to shed some 60 pounds of "relaxed muscle". After eliminating carbs (sugar and those foods easily converted to sugar in the human body), and salt, I wasn't going to have to do much calculating to control calories. In 3 weeks, I lost 8 pounds, and with what I've been eating, I don't miss food all that much. Eating to live is a great slogan, but a lousy aperitif.

All in all, I have to admit that my diet is a lot healthier today than it was before my brain exploded, but I'm hoping some lonely scientist somewhere is on the verge of discovering a pill that gives one the metabolism of a hummingbird and the blood vessels of a giraffe. You see tadpole, because of their looong necks, giraffes have very high blood presure to shoot blood all the way up to their pointy little heads.

In spite of all that pressure, they suffer no ill effects. Go Tarzan!!!!

Ahhh...the New Packard We've Heard So Much About

2009-05-15T08:50:00.003-05:00

I read in the paper that Obama Motors (the car compny formerly known as GM) may import cars from China as part of its future comeback strategy. That got me wondering; how in the world can you be sure the car you're buying is really 100% American made?

Then it hit me! With Obama opening up Cuba to American tourists, why not allow us to buy up all those old, pre-Glorious Revolution vehicles caught in that time-warp in the Carribean?

Si se pude!(yes, we can!)

Drugs for the Drug Rep

2009-05-14T08:25:00.007-05:00

As part of the hospitalization after my recent stroke (or CVA--cerebrovascular accident), my cholesterol levels (LDL-180, HDL-39, TGs-116) and blood pressure were found to be high. I was also checked for diabetes, and although my HbA1c (6.1) didn't classify me as a full-blown diabetic, it wasn't low enough to let me follow any diet I wanted.

Part of my discharge paperwork included prescriptions for Toprol XL 50mg/day for blood pressure, Lipitor 20mg/day for cholesterol, and Aggrenox 25mg/200mg/day to prevent blood clots. In the space of one week, I had gone from taking Prilosec OTC for occasional heartburn, along with the intermittent aspirin or allergy med, to becoming a walking advertisement for the pharmaceutical industry.

Everything was proceeding without fanfare until I developed an allergic reaction to the Aggrenox. Being the type of guy who can't follow convention, I didn't get the common side affect of headache. Instead, I broke out in hives, my lips swelled, and I got short of breath. For a moment, I marvelled at the irony of surviving a brain injury only to die from a medication reaction. After the episode passed, I called my doctor and ended up on the cutting-edge medicine called aspirin. Why didn't they think of that the first go-round?

As a drug rep, part of my job is to explain to physicians why the meds I represent are important, what type of conditions they treat, and provide infomation re side affects. It always bothered me that doctors would be reluctant to prescribe a drug a patient really needed because of concerns about side affects. In my mind, the benefit of preventing a heart attack (or stroke), far outweighed worries about a headache or upset tummy. Now that I was on the other side of the debate, I better understood the impact adverse events have on patients.

Lots of people end up on lots of medications, and every additional agent adds another risk of reaction, not to mention interaction with other meds. Patients who suffer a severe reaction may end up stopping all their teatments, especially when it plays to the human desire to ignore health problems in the hope they'll go away on thir own.

In my case, my numb left side, and limp left arm and leg were constant reminders of what had happened to me, and were ominous indications of what lay ahead if I didn't change my ways. So I'm taking my meds, praying they'll do their job, and thanking God someone was smart enough to invent them and give me the chance to avoid another event.

As for the HbA1c level, I was going to have to improve my diet to keep from progressing on to full-blown diabetes. But that's a whole story unto itself.

The "Home" Front

2009-05-13T08:22:00.006-05:00

After spending a very long, sleepless Thursday night in the hospital, it was great to be back home with Mrs MercMan, Daisy the Golden Puppy, and Grandma Gimlet, who graciously offered to stay over and help us out during my fall from good health. I ate the best dinner ever and slept the sleep of the saved in my own comfy bed.

Saturday went pretty well, considering I was still awfully shaky on my feet and my left arm was darn near useless AND numb. I felt good enough on Sunday that Grandma was able to go home herself when Mrs MercMan's brother John came by to visit in the p.m. I guess I should have known that my recovery wasn't going to happen overnight, but such are the dreams of fools and the recently injured.

Monday morning, I got out of bed and limped into the living room to turn off the outside light and open the front window curtains. I had just flipped off the light switch and started to back away from the front door when I lost my balance and collapsed onto the floor. Next thing I knew, I had 75 pounds of Golden Retriever licking my face while I tried to figure out how I was going to get back upright. With Mrs MercMan's help, I finally got back on my feet and scuttled to the kitchen to lick my wounds and have breakfast.

After eating, I went to the bathroom, where I decided I should get cleaned up by taking a bath. You can probably see wht's coming. In spite of having just fallen after merely backing up, how am I ever going to be able to get in and out of a bathtub, especially with a game arm? Exactly. I was able to lower into the tub just fine, but after washing off, the real dilemma came when I tried to push myself up on the side of the tub. I was able to get my good leg under me, but when I tried to balance with my left, I toppled over the edge of the tub and crashed heavily onto my left side on the bathroom floor, just missing the vanity's sharp edges and still clutching the soap dish I had pulled off the wall in a futile attempt to arrest my spill. As I lay dazed and embarrassed on the floor of our teeny tiny bathroom, Mrs MercMan and the aforementioned puppy tried to open the door without smacking me in the head! Except for the pain, cursing, and damaged fixtures, it was like a scene from some slapstick comedy. By Monday evening, I had some vicious-looking bruises and was convinced I was bound to be permanently disabled if I didn't knock my brains out the first week I was home.

So far, my return to North County was less than a triumph.

The Hospital Stay

2009-05-09T07:58:00.010-05:00

Once I had been diagnosed with a stroke, the hospital wasn't about to give me a couple aspirins and send me on my way. As a result, I spent a night in the hospital while undergoing some diagnostic tests to determine what caused the event to happen. This was my first overnight in a hospital since the day I was born, so I got to experience a whole bunch of "hospitalisms".

First off, there's no such thing as "hurry" in hospital lingo. Mostly, you lie in a very uncomfortable hospital bed while a parade of doctors, nurses, residents, and God knows who else come by to poke, prod, and take blood samples. This is epecially true during the night, when someone comes by every 3 or 4 hours to take temperature and blood pressure readings. In my case, my roomate and I had different teams caring for us, so we got double the number of visits day and night. Our room was right across from the nurses station, so we also heard every phone call, dropped clipboard, and loud conversation from the phalanx of nurses staffing the floor. Needless to say, we didn't get much shut-eye, and even when we did manage to fall asleep, someone came by to shake us and ask us for our name and date of birth.

Next, I learned that once you're a captive audience, doctors are going to run every test they can charge to your bill, usually without telling you in advance. You may be just starting to eat your imitation salisbury steak after fasting the last 16 hours, but if an order comes down for an ultrasound, MRI, or CT scan at the same time, you better hope the nurses will smuggle you in a sandwich when you finally get back to your room later in the evening.

Finally, once they decide to discharge you, all the attention stops. Don't get me wrong, I was ecstatic when I learned I was going home, but I left with a whimper, not a bang. My nurse had just gotten a bouquet of flowers delivered to the floor, so she ran into my room, rattled off my discharge instructions, and disappeared, leaving me pretty much on my own. I didn't even get my wheelchair ride to the curb. I limped my way down to the parking lot, dragging my left foot behind me while trying not to fall. If it hadn't been for Mrs MercMan, I'd probably still be sitting on a bench somewhere on the hospital campus! By the time we got back to the house, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself in addition to being totally wiped out. The one silver lining to the whole mess is my determination to get better and work hard to make sure this never happens again.

CVA--From ER to Recovery

2009-05-07T11:29:00.008-05:00

Easter 2009 started out as a great weekend. I took Good Friday off, and spent the day relaxing with Mrs MercMan and Daisy the Golden Retriever. I even got to do a little woodworking, building a chinchilla bed for one of Gimlet and Froggie Girl's "doodles". We won't mention that I built it to the wrong specs, but it all turned out OK.
Easter Sunday, I enjoyed visiting with family and savoring our holiday meal. The only fly in the ointment was a little numbness in my left hand, which I wrote off to all the yard work/gutter cleaning from the day before.
Monday, I noticed I was also having a little trouble with my left ankle, which I again brushed off as hangover from the weekend. By Wednesday, though, I was limping badly, my left arm was now really numb, and I was unsteady on my feet. Finally, come Thursday morning, April 16, 2009, Mrs MercMan drove me to the Emergency Room of an area hospital and I was diagnosed with a "mild" stroke (or, as the medical folks call it, a cerebrovascular accident, or CVA). At 56, I got a wake-up call that I never saw coming. So much for over-confidence!
I've decided to document my experience, both to track my own recovery, and, hopefully, help someone else avoid my mistakes.

You Meet the Nicest People on a Honda (Generator)

2008-12-17T14:27:00.004-06:00

One of the un-fun things about living in the North suburbs of St Louis is the constant potential for power blackouts. Seems like every time the wind blows, the snow falls, or somebody sneezes too hard, poof! go the lights. I believe Duracell will survive the current economic crisis and prosper just because of battery sales to North County. Even burglars in the area have had to resort to carrying those hokey hand-crank flashlights!
As a result, we have decided to take care of ourselves and get a whole bunch more guns. No, wait, I mean a gasoline-powered generator. Whew....sorry...force of habit. Anyhoo, last Saturday I ventured out to St Charles and purchased a 3000-Watt Honda generator from Harvester Small Engine.
This little unit is amazing. It's as quiet as Bill Clinton at an ethics hearing and super stingy with gas. It's not powerful enough to run the whole house, but it can protect us from freezing during a cold snap, and keep the brews and brats from spoiling after a Spring/Summer thunderstorm. Even Daisy the Crazy golden retriever likes it, although I suspect because she thinks it's a little refrigerator.

Ritenour 28 Hazelwood East 0

2008-10-11T09:47:00.007-05:00

Mrs Merc Man, a proud Ritenour High School alum, has reason to be extra proud today. Last night, her football Huskies trounced the visiting Hazelwood East Spartans 28-0.
The Huskies dominated both sides of the football, with big plays on offense and a defense that kept East on the ropes all game long. After several tough years in the Suburban North Conference, Ritenour is rapidly gaining respect after wins over Pattonville, Riverview Gardens, McCluer North, and now Hazelwood East.
So, enjoy the day all you Ritenour faithful. I won't even mention the fact that my alma mater, Hazelwood Central, defeated the Huskies 35-15 on September 20. That just wouldn't be right.

McCain picks a "Babe"!

2008-09-01T10:05:00.003-05:00

Just when I think the Republican Party has doomed itself to failure in 2008, John McCain makes a brilliant pick for his running mate, and continues to hammer the Democrats like he was the second coming of Ronald Wilson Reagan ("Ronaldus Magnus").
Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska (that's about as far from Washington DC as you can get!), is a Pro-Life (actually living the Pro-Life ideal), pro-drilling, pro-hunting/fishing NRA member who championed political reform in her home state.
Instead of picking another Beltway Blowhard like Joe Biden, McCain has found a conservative candidate who has fought against wasteful government spending and the old-line politicos who maintain the status quo. Suddenly, a lot of conservatives (me included) who were leery of the GOP ticket are almost giddy at the very real prospect of beating the socialist messiah, Barack Obama, in November. USA! USA! USA!

Tony Stewart comes home to "Shiverlay"!

2008-09-01T09:39:00.007-05:00

Awesome news for race fans! Two-time NASCAR CUP champion Tony Stewart is leaving Joe Gibbs Racing and the #20 Home Depot Toyota Camry to form his own stock car team. The new team, Stewart-Haas, will field two cars next season, including an entry driven by Ryan Newman, late of Roger Penske Racing. This will be Tony's first attempt at managing a NASCAR team, and it will be a tough road, but with two talented drivers and solid sponsorship, odds are his new team will succeed on the Sprint Cup circuit.
Tony's new car, a Chevy (or "Chiverlay" as we red-state rednecks call them) Impala SS, will wear the #14 on its doors in honor of Tony's motorsports hero, A J Foyt.
In off-the-track news, Tony has donated $1,000,000 to help finance the construction of the second Victory Junction Gang Camp
in Kansas City, Missouri.

Daisy and the Evil Rocker/Recliner

2008-08-23T08:55:00.003-05:00

In some earlier posts, I wrote about Daisy the Golden Retriever and her fear of mylar balloons. It turns out our hyperactive hound is also terrified by the machinations of the rocker/recliner in our living room.
A few days ago, after mowing the backyard, I took off my socks and draped them across the back of said rocker/recliner. Daisy, of course, thought it would be great fun to retrieve my socks and give them the chewing/slobbering they so richly deserved. She jumped into the chair and grabbed the socks, but before she could get back down, the rocker component kicked in and froze her in mid-exit. Not being able to figure out why this inanimate piece of furniture was now swaying back and forth, she sat immobilized for several minutes until I stopped laughing and held the chair still while she slid out of it. Although she still steals socks, and other pieces of clothing, whenever the situation presents itself, she's now giving the rocker as wide a berth as possible.

Locked and Loaded!

2008-06-28T10:01:00.002-05:00

The Supreme Court of the United States finally got one right. In a 5-4 decision, the Court struck down the Washington, DC, handgun ban that punished law-abiding citizens who wanted to defend themselves against criminals.

Even more important, for the first time, the Supremes recognized an INDIVIDUAL'S right to keep and bear arms. Although it seemed painfully obvious to anyone with half a brain, gun owners were understandably nervous that an institution that in the past has found an unrestricted right to kill babies in the womb and the right of terrorists to sue in US courts might not find the Second Amendment even when it stares them dead in the face!

Fortunately, President George W Bush was able to appoint two justices who actually believe the Bill of Rights means what it says. The real surprise was Anthony Kennedy, who is now the swing vote and power broker on the Court. While I'm pleased that Justice Kennedy ended up on the right side of this decision, I still shudder whenever he starts talking about using rulings from around the world to help decide US Constitutional Law. Thank the Good Lord for Roberts, Alito, Scalia, and Thomas, and their respect for the people of the United States.

It's kind of ironic that the two Bush Presidencies have produced 3/4 of the Court's "Original Intent" wing. For all the Liberal lampooning of the "Bushies", they sure got the better of the Lefties on this one.

To the gun store!!!!!!

Daisy, Baby Bunnies, and the Evil Balloon

2008-06-19T19:35:00.003-05:00

Today, Daisy the Golden Retriever found a nest of Baby Bunnies in a clump of irises in our backyard. Mrs Merc Man and I don't think she would deliberately harm the little cottontails, but she's so inquisitive (nosey, actually), we're afraid she might step on them while trying to sniff them.
On my last post, I mentioned how frightened Daisy is of the mylar Father's Day balloon that Gimlet and Froggie Girl gave me last Saturday, and we decided to use it as a defense against Daisy squishing one of the little ones hidden in our flowers.
We put a small wire fence around the perimeter that's spaced just wide enough to let mama bunny in, but keep large dog noses out. We then tied the mylar balloon to the fence, and, Ta-Da!, instant force field protecting baby bunnies.

We hope the balloon holds out 'til the babies move to a more secure location.

Whoever heard of a dog with a balloon phobia?

Daisy and the Evil Father's Day Balloon!

2008-06-17T17:34:00.005-05:00

Poor Daisy. As part of my Father's Day present, Gimlet and FroggieGirl got me a mylar balloon with the Simpsons on it.
Unfortunately, Daisy viewed it as an evil presence and did everything possible to stay as far away from it as possible. Later that night, well, actually early next morning, Daisy awoke and saw the evil balloon hovering over the kitchen table. At 3 a.m. Mrs Merc Man and I were awakened by the frantic barking of a very excited Golden Retriever. We finally got back to sleep after Mrs Merc Man put the balloon out of sight.
We've decided Daisy's future as a guard dog might be in doubt. She would come in handy if we ever get invaded by Hallmark, though.

I'm For McCain

2008-06-07T18:27:00.003-05:00

Well, the primary season is over, and Barack Obama is the Socialist--uhhhh---Democrat Party nominee for President of the United States.
Although I have some significant differences with the Republican from Arizona (on immigration, climate change, and campaign financing), he is far and away the preferable candidate to the junior senator from Illinois.
John McCain will support our military, and not surrender to our enemies. With the danger the US faces from rogue states like North Korea and Iran, I don't want to entrust the nation's security to a "community organizer" who believes he can negotiate with terrorists who murder Americans.
Obama proposes a Marxist economy for America, and if you doubt that point, just read the transcripts of the Congressional hearings with oil industry executives. The Demo-Rats actually threatened to nationalize the oil companies, as if the leeches in the House and Senate could produce a drop of gasoline or a single cubic foot of natural gas. They can, however, create a lot of Bravo Sierra.
Give the Jackass Party control over our economy and our health care system, and we'll be a second-rate power with a second-rate future for our children.
That's why I'm for John McCain for President of the United States.

Another Home Improvement-$$$$$$

2008-03-15T11:42:00.009-05:00

In the never-ending saga of imitating the famous TV show, our very own (This) Old House added another episode to our recent string of major repairs. Since last Spring, we've water-proofed the basement, upgraded the electric service, and removed a couple of big trees in the backyard.
This week, our 21-year-old furnace decided it had had enough, forcing us to replace it, the attached electronic air cleaner, and the matching A/C unit. The company that did the work, Averill Heating and Air Conditioning, did a super job, and had the whole thing done in about 4 hours!
The unit is pretty high-tech, which means I don't understand all the stuff it does. The electronic air cleaner is so state-of-the-art that it actually subtracts money from your bank account whenever it's activated, and the outside unit looks like R2D2 from Star Wars. The only sound your can hear outside when the A/C comes on is "Luke, I am your father!"

More Snow Pictures

2008-03-05T21:25:00.003-06:00

Here are some additional pictures following the big St Louis snowstorm of '08.

Fun Weather in St Louis

2008-03-05T07:47:00.005-06:00

March 4 was another interesting weather day in a Winter with lots of interesting weather days. Snow, ice, sleet, rain, single digit temperatures and near-record high temps, often within days of each other. Yesterday took the cake as heavy, heavy snow blasted the Metro area for much of the daytime hours.
Naturally, North County got hit the hardest, with a foot of the white stuff covering everything. I was out in West County at a medical building when the biggie hit. I entered the building about 9:15 a.m., with a little light snow falling and the parking lot wet. When I came out about an hour later, there were 3-4 inches of snow on the ground with more falling at a prodigious rate!
I decided to head for home, normally a 20 minute drive, but with the weather conditions deteriorating rapidly, I pulled into my snowbank of a driveway an hour-and-a-half later.
I think I'm going to hibernate until May.

Sick and Tired

2008-02-07T07:46:00.000-06:00

I used to be highly critical of people who didn't vote, or even take a rudimentary interest in politics. Lately, however, I'm beginning to believe they're a lot smarter than I am. For a long time I believed the lies of politicians, only to be disappointed time and again when their true colors surfaced. Now, after all these years, the lies have gotten so blatant, and politicians so detestable, that I've had enough. I'm sick and tired, and as the Chinese proverb says, the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I'm sick and tired of Republicans who claim the mantle of Ronald Reagan, but aren't worth the dirt off Ronaldus Magnus' wingtips. These craven wannabes are the worst type of political opportunists, willing to lie, defame, and mislead the people of the United States in order to attain the positions of power they so crave.

I'm sick and tired of being asked to ignore the troubling positions some so-called "conservatives" take that strike against personal freedom, capitalism, and common decency. We live in a situation today where we're expected to sacrifice our own beliefs and integrity to the whims of political correctness, race hucksters, and pseudo science.

I'm sick and tired of being told that government can solve economic disparities in our society, that Christianity is the root of all evil, and that the United States of America is an imperial power intent on ruling the world. Hundreds of thousands of America's sons and daughters made the ultimate sacrifice so that others might live in peace and freedom. No nation in history has paid so dear a price for the benefit of others.

I'm sick and tired of attacks on American prosperity and commerce. American businesses drive the entire world economy, and when America falters, the rest of the world sees its standard of living erode. People around the globe can tell how the United States' economy is performing by their own economic condition. If the US were to move toward socialism, as many Democrats (and more than a few Republicans) believe we should, people all over the world will suffer. Who the hell are these socialist fascist bastards to try and steal the prosperity American genius and ingenuity have created?

Most of all, I'm sick and tired of self-appointed "glitteratti" who believe they know best how the rest of us should live, where we should work, and how we should think. I've got more respect for the guy on the garbage truck who handles other people's trash all day than the pretentious East-Coast-Ivy League degenerates who look down their noses at us poor schmucks in fly-over country.

From now on, I'm devoting as much of my time to causes; things like gun rights, the rights of the unborn, respect and support for our military and their families, and charitable causes. Most of all, I intend to actively defend the principles America was founded on--the US Constitution. I'll never get sick and tired of that.

Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2007-12-15T10:57:00.000-06:00

The latest round of Winter weather has Daisy the Golden Pest bummed out. It's not that she minds running like a banshee through the white stuff blanketing the backyard, far from it. The real problem is me. I actually like cold weather, but not going outside every 10 minutes to watch Daisy scarf down frozen leaves, chase rabbits, and make yellow snow.
Where's global warming when you need it?

*I am actually on vacation through New Year's Day. All in all, 2007 was a pretty darn good year. Kept my pharma sales job after Abbott Labs purchased my old company (Kos Pharmaceuticals) late last year. My new territory was pretty big, geographically speaking, with a lot of windshield time, but my 2 counterparts were really great, and we kicked butt against our competition and maxed out on bonus money. Just recently, the Company realigned, again, in preparation for the launch of two new meds in 2008. As a result, I'm getting a new territory much closer to home, and my new partner is my old partner from Kos! On top of that, I'm assigned to the sales force that will launch BOTH new products. As I said before, 2007 hasn't been bad at all.

*Fortunately, I was able to get the Christmas lights up before the ice storm/snow storm/sleet/rain/fog/whatever started falling a couple weeks ago. Excuse me, Mother Nature, but are you aware that the first day of Winter isn't until December 22?

*Mrs MercMan and I have really been kicking around the idea of moving out of North County. We've been in the same house now for 32(!) years, and it's probably time for a change. It would be nice to have a garage and an extra bathroom, along with a first-floor laundry room and a place with a more open floor plan. The biggest obstacle to actually moving is where to move to, and overcoming the inertia that comes from being in one place for more than half your life.

I will sign off for now. Daisy the Golden just heard a snowflake fall and urgently needs to go back outside and investigate!

Ahhhhh........Tools!

2007-10-21T20:36:00.001-05:00

On Friday, my new Craftsman toolbox arrived via UPS. I already had a rolling cabinet topped with a matching chest, but had run out of space to hold all the additions to my tool collection. So, I ordered a new intermediate chest to nestle between the top and bottom boxes and give me four additional drawers to cram with tools.
As it stands now, my combo stands 6 feet tall and is completely loaded with Craftsman hand tools. The only problem I have now is trying to wheel that behemoth around. Man, what a great dilemma!!

Rainy Days and Sundays....

2007-10-21T11:10:00.000-05:00

Poor Daisy! After a busy Sunday morning that included a two-mile walk through Sunset Park, a "Rocket Dog"romp in the backyard that terrified the dogs next door, and a few good woofs at all the other goings on in the neighborhood, she got highly insulted when she was called inside to avoid running through our just-watered tiger lillies. Like the spoiled adolescent she is, she threw herself across our bed and proceeded to put on one of her famous "Puppy Pouts".

Chili Goes Home, Daisy Gets Some Rest!

2007-09-15T09:20:00.000-05:00

After 2 weeks of running through "Chinny Village", consuming an entire crop of raisins, alfalfa, and oats, and occupying every waking moment of our Golden Retriever's days, Chili Chinchilla is finally going home to FroggieGirl and Gimlet.
She leaves behind a cloud of dusting bath, enough droppings to fertlize Nebraska, and a traumatized canine who just never understood why Chili had to live in a cage and couldn't come out to play tennis ball chase.
Vaya con Dios, Chili, and remember the 3 rules for surviving North County: Always keep extra ammo on hand, just in case; never look back--something may be gaining on you; make sure the Escalade has plenty of fuel and a primo sound system.
Later!

Chili Goes Into Seclusion!

2007-09-12T20:48:00.000-05:00

Well, it had to happen. Chili Chinchilla, tired of all the paparazzi coverage of her vacation on the North County Riviera, has gone into seclusion to protect her privacy. Flinging poo at reporters from her "Wheel of Fortune", the celebrity rodent has withdrawn from public scrutiny.
When reporters attempted to get clarification from Chili's agent, Daisy Doo, the only response was a terse "Woof!".
These pictures were obtained from station K-DOG's own helicopter, "Alfalfa One". Stay tuned to K-DOG for the latest Chili updates.

It's Warm Outside, But It's Chili In Here! Daisy Gives Up.

2007-09-11T20:49:00.000-05:00

Chili Chinchilla continues to enjoy her nightly romp through our hallway and its attendant boxes/condos/garages, but Daisy the Puppy has decided Chili's never going to come out and play. Tonight, Daisy just threw herself down on the foor of our living room, heaved a big sigh, and gave up. Poor puppy! Meanwhile, Chili celebrated her night out with a luxurious dust bath that she spread all over the hallway.

Chinchilla Village Keeps Growing! Daisy Keeps Worrying.

2007-09-10T20:40:00.000-05:00

Day 9 of the Chili the Chinchilla vacation finds our heroine exploring all the new condos in her village. Meanwhile, Daisy the Puppy keeps a close watch and worries that Chili will soon be taking over the entire neighborhood.

Chili Vists Her Chinchilla Village! Real Estate Agent Daisy Looks On.

2007-09-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

Today, we built a "Chinchilla Village" out of a cardboard box (thanks to Abbott Labs), a small box that formerly held pens, and some Zestril (thanks Zeneca) logo cups. She had a blast running through the little maze, and it took forever to round her up to put her back in her cage. Our Golden, Daisy, supervised from the living room and made sure everything was OK. The only downside was that Chili showed her excitement by using the bathroom quite often, which was problematic since the village has no such facilities!

Can Chili Come Out and Play?

2007-09-08T09:11:00.000-05:00

Today marks Day 7 of Chili Chinchilla's vacation to North County. She's had a great time dining on our MercMenu of alfalfa, Chin Chow, raisins, and oatmeal, jogging around the 'Chinnie Track" of our hallway, taking refreshing dust baths at the MercSpa, and entertaining our Golden Retriever, Daisy.
Daisy loves to look through the window of the baby gate into Chili's room, and she stares so intently we say she's watching "Must See Chinchilla TV!".
Gimlet and Froggie Girl are due back later next week to collect Chili, but for now she's content to sit back and relax on her first trip to the North Suburbs. The biggest dilemma we face is what Daisy will do for entertainment when Chili goes back home. Probably back to those boring old tennis balls and chewed up slippers!

Daisy, One-Year-Resident of North County!

2007-09-03T10:42:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, September 1, Daisy celebrated her first year in her new home. The top photo shows Daisy sleeping by our back door on that first afternoon. The bottom photo is Daisy today, about 65 pounds heavier and much fuzzier.
The past year has been filled with late-night trips outside, lots of chewed-up shoes and socks, what seems like a ton of dog food/treats, and a million laughs. It had been a long interval since our last puppy, and we probably underestimated the activity level by a factor of 10, but Mrs Merc Man and I wouldn't trade it for anything. To all of our friends and family who have helped/supported/just put up with us, we give a hearty Thank You!

How'd I Get So Old?

2007-09-03T10:20:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, we had Grandpa Merc Man over to celebrate his 84th birthday. As it turned out, my MercNephews, Chris and Ryan, and Ryan's fiance' Beatriz, also came by to visit. Chris works for MoDot and is stationed in St Louis to work on the Highway 40 redo, and Ryan and Beatriz were in town from Midland, Texas, where they are employed by Haliburton. Ryan and Beatriz will be married in November in Puerto Rico, so best wishes to the happy couple!
Before everybody left, Mrs Merc Man took a picture. That's me in the back trying to peek over everybody. I remember when the boys were just little guys in a crib! How'd I get so old?!

It's Chili Bean!

2007-09-03T10:02:00.000-05:00

While Froggie Girl and Gimlet explore the Badlands of South Dakota, Mrs Merc Man and I are Chinchilla-sitting Chili, who is recovering from some scrapes she received in an encounter with another "little friend". Everything's gone pretty well, and Chili seems to have really settled in. Daisy, our Golden Retriever, is fascinated by her new housemate, and spends much of each day peering over the baby gate into the room housing Chili's cage.
Yesterday morning, Daisy piled lots of her toys outside the room in the hope that Chili would come out to play. Apparently, Daisy thinks Chins are just really small dogs, especially after hearing Chili "bark" the little noise Chinnies can make.
Who'd have guessed Chinchillas would like being on vacation?

Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2007-07-14T09:06:00.000-05:00

Since I haven't actually been keeping up a weekly column lately, I decided to remove the word "Weekly" from this posting's title. Between work, work, and just not leading a very exciting life, I haven't had enough new things to post about. Then again, maybe it's better NOT to have too much to write about!

*As noted in my last blog, Daisy the Golden is now one year old. She continues to gain energy and stamina in inverse proportion to the loss of energy and stamina suffered by Mrs Merc Man and I.

*The photo accompanying this post shows our garden bench after I replaced all the rotted wood slats. By the time I purchased the lumber (red oak) and new hardware, I think the rebuilt bench cost more than it did to originally purchase, but at least you can sit on it now without worrying about crashing through to the concrete on our patio!

*Our basement waterproofing was completed in June, and except for trying to eliminate all the concrete dust that was stirred up when the work crew jackhammered the basement floor, everything's pretty much back to normal. Our checkbook, however, will take a lot longer to recover.

*Mrs Merc Man and I celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary on May 25, and Gimlet and Froggie Girl celebrated their first on June 3. Best wishes all around!

*I'll pass another milestone on Monday, July 16. I will officially turn 55, the dreaded DOUBLE NICKEL"! The best part of getting older is that now everybody EXPECTS me to be a crabby old fart. The worst part is that there's nothing you can do about it. Your too feeble to fight it, too tired to enjoy it, and too forgetful to remember it! Wait, what was I talking about........?

Everybody take it easy during the upcoming dog days of Summer. Before you know it, we'll be freezing our heinies off while scraping ice off the windshield, shovelling the driveway, and praying for a warm front. I can't wait!

Happy First Birthday Daisy!

2007-07-14T08:45:00.001-05:00

It's Saturday, July 14, and Daisy is celebrating her first birthday. Somehow, she knew it was her special day and got us up at 4:30 a.m. to begin the day's festivities! We finally got her calmed down, sort of, and she went back to sleep until about 'sixish'. I took the no-longer-a-puppy on a nice, 2 mile walk in Sunset Park in Florissant, where she got to sniff every plant, road sign, and telephone pole, as well as visit with another Golden Retriever.
We got home about 8 a.m., and she got her birthday presents from Mrs Merc Man and I, consisting of a new "Air Dog" oversized tennis ball, squeaker-equipped pheasant, and floppy toy in the form of a garbage man named "Mel". She quickly dragged all of them to her couch to add to her collection of toys.
Later today it's a trip to Grandma Gimlet's house for dinner and more fun. Froggie Girl and Gimlet are also coming by, so Daisy will spend her special day with all her 'peeps'!

Zeppelin attacks North County!

2007-06-03T20:03:00.001-05:00

So there I was, in my own backyard, playing with Daisy the Golden Puppy, when a strange noise drifted down from the sky. It sounded like a small plane with a lawnmower engine, sort of like a person playing a kazoo. I looked up to see a blimp coming in for a ground run.

I ran to the house, eager to haul out my Remington 30-06' deer rifle and score my first enemy aircraft. Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for the pilot, when I looked up again I could read "Outback" on the side of the airship. Not having heard anything about an outbreak of hostilities with Australia, I figured it was probably not a threat.

Nevertheless, I'm keeping the artillery close at hand for the next encounter with an unidentified flying object.

Daisy Finds a New Friend

2007-04-21T08:13:00.000-05:00

Well, it's Saturday morning and a good day to sleep in, so Daisy Mae Retriever deceided to get us up at 5 a.m. A couple hours later, as I stumbled around the backyard sloshing a cup of coffee, Daisy suddenly became VERY interested in our neighbor's backyard. I walked over to the fence to see a very aggravated possum baring his teeth at our inquisitive Golden. Luckily, both critter and canine decided discretion was the better part of valor and stayed on their own turf. The little possum scurried behind a tree and looked annoyed while I snapped his picture. After that, Daisy and I retreated to the house to leave the marsupial to enjoy his hidey-hole.

This has been an interesting week for dog-watchers on Torero Lane. On Thursday night, the neighbors on the other side of the lot kept us entertained as they tried to extract their dog from his entrapment between the fence and their lawn shed. Somehow, Sky-High, the Potted Puppy, had managed to wedge himself (and I mean WEDGE!) in tightly enough that his owners had to remove a section of their privacy fence to get him out. This all happened at 1:30 in the morning, and of course Sky barked, whined, and screeched the whole time. At least it kept his peeps away from weed and beer for a little while.

As soon as I finish this post, Daisy and I are going to venture another patrol of the backyard. Hey, what's that funny smell coming in thru the open window?

Life in the Windy City

2007-03-17T16:14:00.000-05:00

What a difference a few weeks make! Regular readers of this site may remember that the small pharma company I've worked for the last couple of years was purchased by a big pharma company in December 2006. On February 28 of this year, I was informed that I was being retained by the new company. Happy ending, right? Well, not exactly. As part of the transition, I have to be trained on the 2 new products I'm picking up, so I'm stuck in Chicago for 3 straight weeks. In contrast, if I had not been retained, my severance would have provided me almost a year's salary and health benefits, plus my bonus and unemployment compensation. Sort of an all-expenses-paid 12-month vacation.

So, here I am in the Windy City at a renovated hotel near O'Hare Airport. Unfortunately, the hotel's redo is not quite complete, so many of the amenities of the hotel, like sports bars, restaurants, and gift shop, aren't open. The places that are open have prices like Beverly Hills without the plastic surgeons and implants!

The new company seems to be a little suspect of it's newest employees, which isn't surprising since our products were direct competitors and we hated their guts. They don't provide bottled water during our breaks (too expensive), the breakfasts and lunches they provide are weird perversions of normal food, and we never get a straight answer to our questions. All in all, it's, "Welcome back to Big Pharma".

The worst part is being away from family. You get to a certain point in your life where time with loved ones is more precious than a few extra bucks and a title. Many times a day, I get the almost overwhelming urge to jump the next plane to St. Louis and chuck the whole thing. With only one week completed, I'm sure I'll be getting that feeling a lot in the next couple weeks.

The great thing is that I do get to fly home for the weekend on Friday, God willing and the creek don't rise.

Still, it's not something I should really complain about. Lots of people get separated from their families and end up getting stuck in a war zone, so my complaints are really pretty minor. Still, after spending some time here on Bryn Mawr Avenue, I can appreciate why the Cubs suck. They're from Chicago!
GO CARDS!!!

Here's to Beer!

2007-03-06T17:30:00.000-06:00

Here you see me admiring a frosty glass of Gimlet's 'Coffee Beer". To celebrate my new job with Abbott Labs, I'm in the process of BBQing on the propane grill while indulging my brew tooth. For some reason, everything seems to go better with beer. OK, OK, maybe it just makes it SEEM that way, but that's all good.

Funny thing, when Mrs Merc Man was pregnant, I never thought that one day I would be enjoying my child-to-be's home brew. I was just hoping he would be happy, healthy, and feel driven to support his Mom & Pop in their dotage! Now as I sit here half blitzed, wondering how many million miles I'll drive in my new territory, it hits me: I forgot to turn the #!*%@ brats and burgers on the barbie!

Sorry, gotta run. Gimlet, this brew's for you.

Even the Dogs in North County are Tough!

2007-03-06T08:43:00.000-06:00

Let me introduce you to the newest "thang" in No' County: Day-Z the homegirl retriever. Raised on a steady diet of Ice Cube, Luther, and classic MoTown, my Fuzzy sista is ready to rumble, from CastlePoint to the Riverview Circle.

The Hip-Hoppin' Golden never leaves home without her Beretta 9 and a bag of doggy treats (extra spicey, natch). Day-Z invites all her 2-and-4-legged homies to rap to her courtesy of this blog. And if you're ever north of the Lambert Airport and the Lindbergh "chunnel", stop on by the crib. We'll cover you from the hooptie to the front door! Peace out.

Golden Retriever--Dishwasher Extraordinaire!

2007-03-03T09:45:00.000-06:00

To all those who think dogs are lazy bums who lay around all day thinking of new things to destroy or interesting places to relieve themselves, I submit the accompanying picture of the world's most talented Golden Retriever. As you can see "Domestic Daisy" is always eager to pitch in and lend a hand when chores, like dishwashing, need to be done. Sure she cleans the dishes by licking them, and her shedding hair covers every scrap of free space in the house, but that's just a minor inconvenience to the joy of owning a dog that is always there whether you need her help or not.

Now, who'd like a piece of fluff-covered pie?

Cardinals in Spring Training--Daisy can't wait for season to start!

2007-03-03T09:28:00.000-06:00

Although it's cold and snowy in St. Louis this Saturday, the 2006 World Champion Cardinals are in Florida preparing to defend their title. Daisy the Golden, the RedBirds fuzziest fan, is so excited about the upcoming season, she's resorted to carrying a ball around with her all day.

Like all true baseball fans, she supports her home team, and wags her tail furiously whenever someone wearing a "Birds on the Bat" jersey shows up on TV. But like all students of the game, she snarls and growls at the sight of a Cubs fan. She even destroyed a CD that was playing the Sinatra hit "Chicago", and attacks anyone who smells of Wrigley chewing gum.

In honor of the team's Latin players, the rollicking retriever is now a bilingual barker, and her favorite band is Los Lonely Boys. When asked how hard it will be for other teams to beat her beloved "El Birdos", Daisy answers "Ruff, Ruff!".

GO CARDS!!!!!

Have Drugs, Will Travel!

2007-03-02T09:40:00.000-06:00

Back in November of 2006, my employer, Kos Pharmaceuticals, was purchased by Abbott Labs. Since that time, my counterparts and I have been wondering whether we would be retained by the new company. Just last Friday, we participated in a webinar where we were informed that this Wednesday, February 28, we were to stay home and await a call that would tell us if we had been hired by Abbott or were being "severed".

I had ambivalent feelings re the possible outcome. On the one hand, it's always nice to have a job, especially one where you get to drive a new car, make a pretty decent salary, and work with a lot of great people. On the other hand, the severance package was pretty sweet, with almost an entire year's salary, bonuses, and health care. Did I mention the part about not working?

Anyhoo, when the call came at about 9:30 a.m., it was my new manager from Abbott informing me I had been retained. I keep my present salary, and am eligible for Abbott benefits immediately. I get to keep selling Niaspan, and pick up Tri-Cor and Synthroid. Abbott's headquarters is in Chicago, so national meetings will be a short trip, and maybe I can sneak in a game at Wrigley. Boo Cubbies!! Go Cards!!!

The biggest change concerns my sales territory, which is a LOT different. With Kos, I covered West St. Louis County, St Charles County, and a part of North County and South St. Louis. My new geography starts at Eureka in the West, and heads down Highway 44 to Waynesville. In the East, it starts at Affton and meanders down Interstate 55 to St Genevieve. It appears I'll have a lot more "windshield time", but on the plus side I probably won't have to contend with the hoard of reps I saw in West County, and it will give me a chance to explore another part of Missouri. We've been considering moving anyway, so maybe the opportunity to get closer to my territory and cut down on my drive time will be the push we need to relocate from Florissant.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2007-01-27T12:40:00.000-06:00

This is one of those "in-between" weeks. No football until the Super Bowl next Sunday, no NASCAR races as the 2007 season doesn't start until February, and no baseball 'cause Spring Training is a few weeks off yet. There is still NHL hockey, which has recently gotten a LOT better with the resurgent Blues. Still, about all there is to do this Saturday is complain about the state of the world.

*The US Congress is bending itself into a pretzel trying to oppose President Bush's plan to send more troops to Iraq while not appearing unsupportive of the military. Somehow, the pols are claiming you can call the plan a failure even before the commanding general who devised the plan gets settled in-country. At the same time, his appointment was approved unanimously by the same chameleons who are criticizing the plan. If we spent as much time fighting the jihadists and their sponsors as we do fighting each other, the war would be well on the way to being won.

*The 2008 looney season is well under way as numerous Democrats and Republicans are already running for President. We've got newbies like Obama and Huckabee, retreads like Biden, McCain, Dodd, and Gore, to the really scary ones like Hillary and Hagel. If we're lucky, somebody new will come out of the fog and actually make sense. And if THAT happens, I have some residential property in Times Beach you may be interested in.

*My new company, Abbott Labs, has announced the integration of my old company, Kos, will be complete by March 5. Sometime between now and then "Kos Nation" will find out where we'll end up: on a new team or on the street. I have to admit to ambivalent feelings. On the one hand, it's nice to have a job. On the other, I left AstraZeneca a few years back because I was fed up with all the "Bravo Sierra" of Big Pharma. Now if I could just win PowerBall....

*Poor Michael Devlin, his lawyers are concerned for his safety in the Franklin County jail after a college student posing as a friend got in to visit him. I agree he should be moved. Just place him in the state pen at Jefferson City and put him right in among the general prison population. I guarantee it wouldn't be long before he wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again.

*I'm picking the Indianapolis Colts to win the Super Bowl, 35-17. I admire Bears Coach Lovie Smith a lot, and wish the Chicagoans well, but Indy's defense has played very well in the playoffs, and the Colt's offense is superb. This was a tough year to pick a favorite, and I'll be happy for whichever team emerges the victor.

*Here's hoping the families of Ben Ownby and Shawn Hornbeck get a break from the round-the-clock media coverage of their rescue. More than anything else, these folks need a lot of downtime and a lot of counseling. Here's hoping the reporters and editors can put themselves in these families shoes and just let them be.

Everyone have a great weekend, a successful and productive week at work (or play!), and remember the immortal words of Homer J Simpson on how to get by in life:
"It was that way when I got here!"
"Great idea, Boss!"
"Cover for me!"

Daisy's New Couch

2006-12-30T19:29:00.000-06:00

After her spaying surgery, we were advised that Daisy not be allowed to jump on furniture, at least until the stiches are removed on January 4. Since our little nutball loves to launch herself at our sofa, bed, and every other piece of furniture in the house, it was a real tussle trying to keep all four of her paws on terra firma.
Fortunately, I was skimming the Cabela's (hunting and fishing) catalog before Christmas and came upon an item called "Beasley's Couch". As you can see from the accompanying photo, it really does resemble a couch, and Daisy claimed it as her own the moment we pulled it out of the shipping container.
We hope to use the couch to replace the crate now that puppy is housebroken, especially since she now fills the crate from stem to stern (or should I say nose to tail?). Ever since we first got the couch, Daisy sleeps through the night in it, and that's made our nights much more peaceful. Ahhh...no more 'rattle, rattle, rattle, clang, clang, clang' every time she moves around at night in the crate. Now that's priceless.
I wonder if they have a "Beasley's Dinner Table"?

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-12-21T19:55:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a very Happy New Year's to everyone. 2006 is about shot, so I thought I'd hit a few of my personal highlights and lowlights from the past year.

*By far, the biggest highlight of 2006 was the wedding of Gimlet and FroggieGirl on June 3. During a year of some especially bad weather, the wedding day itself was bright and sunny, with mild temps and a crystal-blue sky. The ceremony was well-done, beautiful, and quite touching, and a good time was had by all at the reception Saturday evening. Here's wishing a prosperous 2007 to the newlyweds and all the friends and family who made the day the event of the year.

*Getting to know the happy couple's friends was a close second in highlights of 2006. If you're truly known by the company you keep, Gimlet and FroggieGirl have a lot going for them.

*Another big change for Mrs MercMan and I came over the Labor Day weekend when we picked up our Golden Retriever puppy Daisy. After an extended time since our last Golden passed away, Mrs MercMan and I finally took the plunge and brought home a 7-week-old bundle of fur who is now a 45-pound holy terror. After all that time without a dog, we'd forgotten all the energy puppies possess in spades, and how many times a puppy has to be taken out (especially in the middle of the night!) in order to become housebroken. Still, laugh-a-day Daisy has so many redeeming qualities we wouldn't trade a single moment. Well....maybe a few.

*A new stadium, new players, and a World Championship by the St. Louis Cardinals. The most storied franchise in baseball (sorry, Yankees fans) added another chapter with its amazing playoff and World Series victories over heavily favored opponents. What's not to love?

*Like 2005, I spent a lot of time, and money, acquiring more tools. It's gotten to the point that people think I work at the Sears Hardware store. My prize possession is a Craftsman 2-horsepower, 150 psi, 26 gallon air compressor, along with the attendant air wrenches, ratchets, hoses, and sockets. In fact, it's so prized that it's sitting here next to me as I type this entry! Hey, it's the best-looking piece of furniture we own!

*Biggest bummer of the year would be my surgery for a detached retina. The operation itself was not that big a deal, pain wise, but the thought of losing my sight was a little "off-putting", as the British say. I've always thought of myself as a very healthy and durable individual, but that went by the boards along with my retina. Fortunately ,the surgery went great and I still have my sight, although I'm more nearsighted as a result of the reconstruction. Did I mention the doc says I'm beginning to develop cataracts? D'oh!

*Weather was a lowlight a couple of times this year as well. In July, T-storms and hurricane-force winds knocked out our power for almost 8 days, and a late-November-early-December ice storm put us in the dark another 24 hours. Luckily, our house suffered no damage from either storm, but we've developed a greater appreciation for electric lights, air conditioning, heat, and a working refrigerator. During all that time without TV/radio/CDs/DVDs/etc/etc, Mrs MercMan and I found out we still enjoyed each other's company, even while living in the basement and sleeping on an air mattress. Who'd a thunk McDonald's by candlelight could be so romantic?

As the clock winds down on 2006, my wish for the New Year is peace, happiness, and lots of laughter for all people of good will. For you Cubs, Astros, and Mets fans out there, better luck next time (but not when playing the RedBirds!).

Daisy Turns 11---Weeks That Is

2006-09-29T13:39:00.000-05:00

Daisy the Puppy has now been part of our family for one month, and is celebrating her 11th week of life. She is growing by leaps and bounds, and although she sometimes sends Mrs. MercMan and I crazy, we wouldn't trade her for anything. She is shown with one of her favorite outside toys, a plastic flower pot. For some reason, the crazy way it rolls around when thrown, and the number of small holes available for grabbing with puppy teeth, have really endeared the pot to our crazy canine.
Daisy has also discovered rabbits and squirrels, and chases them out of the yard with great gusto. Needless to say, the bunnies and yard rats are NOT amused. She tries to bark at and intimidate the bigger (for now) dogs in neighboring yards, but they mostly ignore the new kid on the block. What really fascinates her are the Mastiff and Great Dane that live across the circle and look like horses from a distance. She only woofs at them from behind her human Mommy and Daddy, so apparently she's learning the rules of survival pretty quickly!

Bubble Boy

2006-09-25T16:31:00.000-05:00

This photo is a little deceiving. Although it shows me standing by the Mighty Mercury Grand Marquis, I'm still not able to drive after my recent eye surgery. I've made a few attempts, but with the gas bubble in my right eye, I've discovered how difficult it is to drive using only one orb. That being said, I guess it's clear now I'd never make it as a pirate.
The good news is I am getting better. The eyesight, except for the bubble, is improving every day. My right eye is a little more nearsighted than before, but that was expected and can be corrected with an adjustment in my eyeglass RX. Compared to being blind, it's a small price to pay. I just wish the bubble would hurry up and get absorbed ASAP. I'm tired of being a human level!

Daisy at the Veterinarian's

2006-09-22T14:43:00.000-05:00

Daisy the Puppy had an interesting week, visiting the vet's office (Howdershell Animal Clinic) three times in 5 days. It all started innocently enough with a routine visit and puppy shot. Her stool specimen showed an organism called "coccidia", which the doctor explained was fairly common in puppies raised in kennels, and was spread through feces. He started Daisy on a sulfa-drug, gave her a parvo-distemper booster shot, and sent us on our way. Everything was hunky-dory until the next morning.
On one of our trips outside, Daisy stopped to pee, then stopped to squat again, and again, and again. We figure this isn't normal, and call the vet. The office is concerned it might be a bladder infection, and asks us to bring poor puppy in.
The vet asks a few questions, does a quick exam, and diagnoses a case of simple vaginitis, a condition she says female puppies are especially susceptible to. We get an ointment to put on Daisy's... uhhh... affected area. At the same time, she recommends we bring in a urine sample to confirm the diagnosis. We leave reassured,but also a little bewildered. How do you get a urine sample from a puppy that squats down within an inch of the ground? And exactly what makes the dog stand still while you do this?
We finally come up with the lid from a coffee can, and Mrs MercMan trots behind Daisy and slides the lid under her backside just as she squats down. Eureka! Success! Mrs MM gets the sample into a small glass bottle and hurries off to the vet's in order to get the sample analyzed. Thankfully, the UA is negative.
Friday morning, a new problem. Daisy's stools are getting soupy, and blood is mixed in. Another call, another trip to the vet. Fortunately, the stool is now clear of coccidia, and there are no other pathogens found. Diagnosis: colitis, an irritation of the colon. This time Daisy gets a shot of antibiotics, a pill to soothe her intestines, special food (canned), and a form of Maalox! The vet starts joking that they're going to open a "Kyle" wing of the clinic.
Relieved that everything is going to be OK, we decide to celebrate by going out to lunch. Unfortunately, after the vet bills, all we can afford is a $6.52 tab at the local McDonald's.
Thank goodness the week's almost over. Daisy is going to be fine. It's Mrs MercMan and I that I'm worried about!

Ahhhh....the Puppy Life

2006-09-18T09:48:00.000-05:00

During recovery from eye surgery, the antics of our new puppy have kept me from going a little bonkers after being cooped up in the house since September 7. As you can see by the picture with this post, taking care of me has had an exhausting effect on Daisy the Puppy.
Luckily, Gimlet, FroggieGirl, and Grandma Gimlet came by on Saturday to visit and break bread, and Gimlet and I went to Schnucks to pick up some stuff for dinner. It was my first real trip out since my surgery, and I started things off by climbing out of the Gimlet/FroggieGirl-mobile and stepping in a big wad of pink bubble gum! I was able to navigate around the store, although I sort of listed to one side like a one-eyed pirate due to my bionic eye.
Mrs MercMan has been handling most of the household/home improvement/yardwork chores since my illness, and is developing a knack for using all my assorted power tools. She's really enjoyed the ability to saw. drill, mow, cut, etc, etc, using various high-powered Craftsman tools, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll have to struggle to get them back once I've recuperated. Still, there's something very appealing about a pretty girl wielding a high-rpm reciprocating saw or cordless drill!

Dasiy In Her Yard

2006-09-11T17:33:00.000-05:00

After having to look at my bruised mug on the last entry, I thought I'd post some new pictures of Daisy Mae. Mrs MercMan and I have been trying to break her from the "biting/nipping" stage she's been going through, and we've actually had some success. The dog training manuals recommend everything from growling to exaggerated yelps of pain to holding the dog down to prove dominance, but they were only partially successful. Plus, it looks pretty weird for a 54-year-old man to yelp like Little Richard every time a 10-pound puppy attaches itself to your ankle.
What really seems to be working is just walking away from her and ignoring her any time play gets too rough. Typical attention hound Goldens are, Daisy just can't stand being ignored. She is quickly learning that "bite" behavior gets her left to her own devices, and has responded with much better behavior. It's hard to believe she's only been with us for a little over a week, especially while standing outside in the rain with her at 2 a.m.!

You Should See the Other Guy!

2006-09-10T19:18:00.000-05:00

On Thursday, September 7, I underwent invasive surgery to reattach two tears of the retina in my right eye, and laser surgery to repair some holes in the retina of my left eye. The surgery was performed at St Luke's Hospital in Chesterfield by Dr Matthew Thomas of the Barnes Retina Institute, and I am forever grateful for the skill of the doctors, nurses, and technicians who saved my eyesight.
Dr Thomas estimated that the retina in my right eye was within a few weeks to a few months of total detachment, which would have left me permanently blind in that eye. Since patients with a detachment in one eye are at higher risk of a similar occurence in the other eye, he advised repairing the less severe damage in my left eye before it could progress.
The best thing about the whole deal (beside the eyesight thing), was that it all happened "blindingly" fast. I was diagnosed on Wednesday morning at 10:15 a.m. by Opthamologist Sydney Hanish, who referred me to Dr Thomas, who confirmed the diagosis and scheduled the operation for 9:30 a.m. the following morning. By about 3:30 p.m. Thursday, I was sitting in my kitchen in a semi-comatose state due to the lingering effects of anesthesia. I didn't even have time for any drug-induced hallucinations while I was under, which is kind of a shame 'cause I was hoping to meet Elvis. Friday morning, I was at the Barnes Center for Advanced Medicine having my facial skin removed along with the post-operative bandages and eye patch. As you can see from the photo, my right eye looks pretty beaten up. Thank God it wasn't my good side!
I want to thank Gimlet and Mrs MercMan for being with me at the hospital and the follow-up. Knowing they were there gave me great strength and peace of mind. Just the thought of them made it all bearable. I also want to thank Grandma Gimlet for staying at our house, keeping us all going, and making sure Daisy the Puppy didn't have to stay in a kennel while we were gone. And finally, Grandpa MercMan for running me around to all those specialists the day before the operation and offering to help with any household projects that needed to be done.
To anyone who has ever experienced "floaters" in their eyes, or seen flashing lights at night without cause, don't pass it off as normal. I had more than one optometrist tell me that they were "no big deal", and in truth, in most cases they aren't. Only about one person in a thousand who has floaters ever faces the threat of retinal detachment. Still, if you have ANY symptoms, my advice is to see an Opthamologist for an evaluation. Most likely, there'll be nothing to worry about. But for that one in a thousand, early detection means the difference beween simple laser repair surgery and the invasive ordeal required to save me.

Daisy's Fine, MercMan's Not

2006-09-06T16:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Daisy had her first visit to the veterinarian for her "new puppy" checkup. This is the same office we took our first Golden, Tinker, to, so it was a bit of Deja' Vu 15 years later. Good news! Daisy the puppy is perfectly healthy. That should be the end of the story, but it's not.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been having some vision problems with my right eye that just weren't improving. This morning, I went to see an Opthamologist who discovered that I have a detached retina! Not only that, but I have to be operated on tomorrow (Thursday) or I'll go blind in that eye within a few weeks to few months. Now that's an attention getter! Needless to say, I'm gonna face the knife.

At least after all that, I got to come home and spend the rest of the afternoon with Mrs MercMan and little Daisy. Thinking of them got me through the day, and will also get me through tomorrow.

Golden's Rule!!

Daisy Settles In

2006-09-04T10:59:00.000-05:00

After coming to her new home on Saturday, September 2, Daisy is beginning to feel really comfortable in her new digs. In fact, the bottom picture shows her just a little too relaxed on Labor Day morning after a big play session in the backyard.
On Saturday, Gimlet, FroggieGirl, and Grandma Gimlet joined Mrs MercMan and I in welcoming Daisy to North County. Gimlet and FroggieGirl brought in a BIG basket chock full of doggie treats and playtoys. There was even a bandana sent by adjunct family member Melissa, who wanted our new pup to look stylish while strutting around the backyard. The top photo shows Daisy playing with FroggieToy, which is quickly becoming one of Daisy's favorites. Grandma Gimlet has laid in a supply of puppy snacks at her house so Daisy Mae will feel right at home when she vists Grandma in Overland.
Daisy even received a fancy announcement card in the mail from her cousin Velvet (the world's smartest Black Lab) just as she was first checking out the backyard. She loved it, as well as all the gifts and attention everyone showered her with, and says to tell everyone how much she loves all the members of her new, extended family.

Daisy Comes Home to North County

2006-09-02T14:44:00.000-05:00

Daisy Mae Kyle is officially a resident of North St. Louis County, a Cardinals, Rams, and Blues fan, and general all-around sweetheart. Daisy says Hi! to her friends Fipsy, Shmoopy, Roo, Sully, Loki, and her cousin Velvet, and looks forward to exploring a lot more of Missouri as soon as her belly is far enough above the grass to prevent excessive tickling.

Only 7 Days 'til Daisy Comes Home!

2006-08-26T10:13:00.000-05:00

Our golden puppy, Daisy Mae, is six weeks old now, and only one week away from coming to her new home in North County. Since we don't have an updated photo of her, I pulled this image from a Golden Retriever website. The fuzzy character in the picture is Papi and he/she is the same age as our Daisy. Hang on Daisy, we'll be there to pick you up next Saturday!!

Puppy Cards!

2006-08-22T17:15:00.000-05:00

Since the MercFamily currently has puppies on the brain, I thought I'd post a National Rifle Association Christmas card featuring Goldens and Labs. Even if you're not a NRA member, the pups are still cute!

Daisy is Ours!

2006-08-19T22:37:00.000-05:00

This morning, Mrs MercMan and I took the Golden Eagle Ferry across the Mighty Mississippi in order to visit the farm of the breeder of our Golden Retriever pup. It was a fun drive through rolling Illinois countryside on narrow roads often lacking striping or shoulders. We finally arrived at Sievers Kennels, and with the help of owners Gary and Gina, picked our little Daisy from a gorgeous litter of Goldens.
We still have to wait a couple weeks to pick her up so she can be with her Momma and littermates the recommended 7 weeks. She's been chipped, so we can identify her from her siblings, and can't wait to bring her home for good. Unfortunately, we only had a film camera, so we don't have pictures, but the Sievers promised to get some updated shots on their web as soon as possible.
Sleep tight, little Daisy, and get bigger and stronger every day. Know that your human Mom and Dad already love you and can't wait to have you with us all the time!

Our Golden Puppy is 4 weeks old!

2006-08-13T10:03:00.000-05:00

The newest addition to the MercFamily turned 4 weeks old on Friday, August 11, and is beginning to look more like a puppy than a wriggley ball of golden fur. Next weekend, we go to pick our puppy from its littermates (that'll be tough!), and 2 weeks after that she'll come home to the MercHouse to stay. Updates to follow. Goldens Rule!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-08-12T09:09:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is the first weekend in August. The year is quickly slipping away, I've turned another year older, and we've had one of the hottest Summers on record. How hot is it? It's so hot, mosquitos are only biting sunbathers wearing SPF 40 or above! It's so hot there are actually a few people paying money to see Al Gore's movie about global warming just to get into the air conditioned theater!

Along with the heat, the St. Louis area has also been experiencing a terrible drought that has toasted lawns and caused trees to drop their leaves 2 months early. How dry is it? It's so dry ducks have been using the Clark Bridge to get across the Mississippi, kids are having to use grape jelly on their Slip 'n Slides, and towns supplied by well water are encouraging residents to only wash the "smelly" parts of their bodies in order to conserve H2O! I'm praying for an early snowstorm to break this lousy weather pattern.

*Congrats to British and American intelligence teams for thwarting a plot by Islamic fanatics to blow up commercial airliners en route from the UK to the United States. Airport authorities have banned carry-on liquids as a result of information gleaned from the terrorists' plans to use a combination of common items to create potent explosive devices. Anyone who shows up at a destination with freshly washed hair, minty-fresh breath, or lacking underarm wetness will undoubtedly draw extra scrutiny from airport security.

*Mrs MercMan and I are celebrating our soon-to-be-claimed puppy's 4th week of life, and anxiously awaiting the day our little Golden Retriever comes to her new home. The only uncertainty will be whether we end up bringing home additional pups once we see them close up and in person. So far, the hardest part has been deciding on a name. Killer, Savage, and Kong don't particularly suit a Golden's temperament, unless you're concerned about being licked to death or smothered with affection.

*Speaking of terrorists, Israel and Lebanon may be on the verge of accepting a UN Security Council-brokered deal to end the fighting in southern Lebanon. My only concern is that Hezbollah not be treated as a legitimate party in the Resolution. How does a terrorist organization get the standing to be part of the United Nations? What's next, an honorary ambassadorship for Osama bin Laden? How about an honorary firing squad instead?! How about we dump the UN and start a new organization comprised of democracies? It would be nice to know we weren't supporting a bunch of totalitarian states bent on the weakening of the US with American taxpayers' dollars.

*The nutroots have claimed victory in the Conneticut Democratic primary for US Senate. Anti-war cable guy Ned Lamont defeated incumbent Joe Lieberman 52-48%, but the lefties have been portraying this as a "Dewey BEATS Truman" moment. Funny thing, Lieberman is about as liberal as a person can be, with his one offense being support for victory in the Iraq War. Lamont's sole claim to fame is a call to pull out immediately, which will probably cost him the general election if Lieberman runs as an independent as promised. My only hope is that the rest of the Dems follow the nutroots' lead and swing even farther to the left by November. That's the best scenario the clueless Republicans can hope for, since they can't win by acting like Democrats the past two years!

*This just in from the wire services: French authorities express frustration at the new recommendations to disallow liquids in airline carry-on. Since the French people don't use shampoo, toothpaste, or deodorant, there's really not much impact at French airports. French authorities are touting this lack of hygiene as another example of the superiority of Gallic culture.

*Everybody have a safe week. Remember this immortal line from a bumpersticker spotted on a 4-wheel-drive F250 in North County: TERRORISTS--SMOKE 'EM IF YOU'VE GOT 'EM!

Golden Puppies!!!

2006-08-06T20:14:00.000-05:00

One of the small bundles of fluff in the picture is our new puppy. The pups celebrated their third week of life August 5, and in 4 short weeks we'll bring the newest member of the MercFamily home. We're still pondering names, but Daisy and Nugget are among the leading contenders. Only problem we'll face is coming home with a single dog once we've seen the whole litter in person.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-08-05T13:13:00.000-05:00

WRRW is back after a two-week hiatus due to the aftermath of two powerful storms that raked the St. Louis area the week of July16-22. During that time, we lost power at the MercResidence twice, the first outage lasting about 12 hours, and the second lasting 5 days. During that span, Mrs MercMan and I learned to live in the basement to escape near-100-degree temperatures, dine by candlelight, sleep on an air mattress, and come to regard bags of ice as a more desirable investment than indexed mutual funds. The amount of tree damage/downed power lines in North County was significant, and greatly impeded the utility crews and tree trimmers who worked long days to get the lights back on. The worst part was on Saturday following the second storm when many area businesses were without power, and finding gas, ice, and food became a real challenge. By Sunday evening, stores were reopened, the lines at the filling stations were gone, and ice(!) could be secured without having to go through a ration line at the local 7-11. After 5 days of living like cave dwellers, we awoke on Wednesday, July 26 to the sound of utility trucks on our street as crews made one last check of the neighborhood prior to energizing our grid. At about 8:50 a.m., the lights came on, the air conditioner started expelling all the humidity the house had absorbed, and Mrs. MercMan and I danced in the cold draft of our risen-from-the-dead HVAC system. All in all, it wasn't that bad, but we are sure a lot more comfortable living off the fat of the land than pretending we're Amish! Thanks to all the folks who worked tirelessly in sometimes brutal weather to get our town back on its feet.

*In celebration of power restoration, I visited Lowe's last Sunday and used the birthday gift card given to me by Gimlet and Froggiegirl to purchase a new router bit. The new attachment allows me to make cabinet doors, drawers, and corner joints with tongue-and-groove edges, and works great in my router table. I had purchased a new Craftsman jig saw during the blackout (hey, think positive, I say), but hadn't gotten the chance to try it out. I had to settle for holding the saw in the dark and making electric motor noises, which is pretty pathetic.

*Staying on the tool theme, I was at the Sears Hardware Store on my lunch break this week and found the 2 horsepower stationary router I'd been coveting for months was finally on sale. I bought it then and there, and that night mounted it in my router table, freeing my combination stationary/plunge router for other duties. The new router is really sweet, and can fling wood chips with the best of them. It's time to invest another small fotune in wood and give my woodworking skills a real tune-up.

*Top news item for the week is our putting money down on a Golden Retriever puppy at Sievers Kennels in Meppen, Illinois. After our beloved Golden passed away almost 20 years ago, Mrs. MercMan and I had often talked about another dog, but it wasn't until recently that we really got things going. The newest member of our family turns 3 weeks-old today, but will stay with her Momma until she's 7 weeks old. In about 2 weeks, we'll take the Golden Eagle Ferry across the Mighty Mississippi to visit our new friend, and bring her home a couple weeks after that. We know that as a typical puppy, our Golden will drive us wacky from time to time, but it'll be awesome to have the house come alive as 65 pounds of lumbering Retriever practices its hunting skills in a 1000-square-foot house. We're already stocking up on tennis balls and Milk Bones!

*By the way, Goldens rule and Labs drool!

*Today, we have a new crisis on our street. I went outside this morning when I heard a couple of my neighbors talking excitedly on the sidewalk. Venturing outside, I saw a large amount of water sluicing down the street as if someone had left a hose running in the gutter full blast. Investigating a bit, I found a small geyser of water spewing from the driveway of the house just up the street. A call to the local water company brought out a tech, who, after much careful consideration, concurred that water probably was NOT supposed to flow from concrete. He marked the area with paint and planted a red flag, apparently to alert everyone that the huge puddle was wet and slippery. We are now eagerly awaiting the arrival of Missouri-American Water Company and the attendant shutoff of our water supply. Did you ever try to bathe in bottled water?

*Everone have a great week, and pray we don't have another utility crisis. I'm ready to get back to normal happenings in North County like grand theft auto and drive-by shootings!

A Dark & Stormy Night!

2006-07-20T10:03:00.000-05:00

Last night was a rough one in North County. Since I'm on vacation, about 5 Wednesday afternoon I decided that I would grill some pork steaks, chicken, and brats on the gas grill in spite of the near-100-degree heat. About 6 pm, some dark clouds appeared in the northern sky, a sign that usually means bad weather has skirted the north suburbs and has moved into Alton, Illinois, just across the Mississippi.
Anyhoo, I finished the BBQ and had just settled down to eat dinner with Mrs MercMan when the lights flickered twice and then stayed out. The wind began to blow pretty strongly, and several small limbs blew down in the yard. Tuning in to the battery-powered radio, we found out the ol' Gateway City was getting its clock cleaned by a freak line of thunderstorms crossing the area from northeast to southwest. That direction is directly opposite the normal flow.
To top it all off, the taps began to run slow as the North County water treatment plant lost both its primary and secondary power. Thoughts of using a bush in the backyard danced in my head, but luckily, full pressure came back later Wednesday night.
We finally toddled off to sleep about midnight, but it wasn't too restful with the lack of a breeze and 1000 percent humidity. I woke up several times during the night, most likely because it was so darn quiet. That is definitely NOT North County.
I finally got up about 6 a.m., and a few minutes later, the power popped back on. With another 100+ degree day predicted, it couldn't come back on at a better time.
Turning on the tube, I got the whole picture of the storm's damage to the metro area. The local utility says this storm caused more folks to lose service than any storm before it, and it might be days before everyone's back up.
I'm beginning to pine for those nice, frigid days of January!

A Fuelish Failure

2006-07-18T18:00:00.001-05:00

I got the news today that the once-Mighty Merc is in need of a new fuel pump to the tune of hundreds of dollars. Since the pump is in the gas tank, beyond the reach of the average Do-It-Yourselfer, and not wanting to immolate myself like a Buddhist monk, I gave the dealer the go-ahead for the work. It was either that or push a 4000 lb behemoth around town, although the prospect for better mileage and some extensive exercise did hold a certain allure.
I suppose I shouldn't complain. It is a used (oops...previously enjoyed) car, and I did get a heck of a deal when I bought it almost two years ago. I just wish it hadn't happened on my vacation the day before my birthday.
Funny thing, my horoscope for that day said, "You will make an alliance that will elevate your position in life". Little did I know that meant riding in the cab of a mile-high tow truck!
Anyway, by this time tomorrow the Merc will be back in my possession and gobbling dinosaur juice at a prodigious rate. Wow, it'll be great to get back to normal.

FORD--Fixed Or Repaired Daily

2006-07-16T21:57:00.000-05:00

Saturday, Mrs MercMan and I loaded up the Mighty Merc and headed to Grandma Gimlet's house where we were to have dinner, view Gimlet and Froggiegirl's wedding photos, and get an early start to my birthday celebration. FroggieGirl's friend and Maid of Honor, Melissa, was also joining us, so we were looking forward to a fun afternoon and evening, safely inside Grandma's house on a scorching St. Louis Summer day.
We stopped at QT just up the road from G'Ma's to pick up the early edition of the Sunday paper, and purchased some PowerBall tickets just for grins. Unfortunately, when we got back out to the Merc, it wouldn't start. It cranked like a champ, but it appears the fuel pump expired, leaving a full tank of gas with no where to go and no way to get there. We walked back to G'Ma's house, wrung out as much sweat as we could, and then I returned to the scene of the crime in the hope it might be a simple case of vapor lock. Ha Ha.
By then, Gimlet arrived in his car and we vainly tried to reset the fuel pump relay in between spirited bouts of profanity. Luckily, a tow truck pulled in to the station and we were able to get a tow the few blocks to Grandma Gimlet's house, where the not-so-mighty Merc now lies mortally wounded.
I guess it could have been worse. We could have been on the highway on a 95 degree day when the engine stalled, or it could have happened six weeks ago during Gimlet and FroggieGirl's wedding. Bummer. Then again, it could have not happened at all. Stupid Ford!! There, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I feel a whole lot better.
Tomorrow, the lump goes to the dealer for a proper diagnosis (I hope!) and a substantial bill. I hear GM's having a big sale on light trucks, and I've always liked the Toyota Tundra, so.................?

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-07-15T09:28:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since the last WRRW filled these pages, but that's to be expected when there are a whole lot of things goin' on:
-My son, the QT/computer/brew expert Gimlet, married the lovely, artistic, and talented FroggieGirl on Saturday, June 3 at St. Ann's Church in Normandy, Missouri. By the time our heads hit the pillows early Sunday morning following the special day and a night of partying, MercLady and I were just about unconscious. The recovery from our fatigued state took much longer than we had anticipated, but we expect to be back up to warp speed before the end of the decade.
-I've had a lot of job-related chores to accomplish in the last few weeks.
-I'm getting old and lazy (not to mention crotchety).
-There have been a whole bunch of sales on tools at Sears. Lowe's, Home Depot, etc, etc.
Anyway, now that things are getting back to normal, or what passes for normal these days, I hope to get the column out on a more regular schedule.

*I'm really getting to like my new Craftsman router table. Instead of trying to corral a handheld router spinning at several-thousand RPMs, I simply mount the tool in the bench and guide the wood through. No fuss, no muss (unless you count the choking cloud of dust), and the cut turns out perfect. Woodworking is rapidly becoming one of my passions. I used to collect albums, car parts, and books. Now I collect router bits. Does this mean I'll turn into one of those old guys who sits behind a table at a craft show hawking bookends and birdhouses?

*My son's BMW developed a couple of interesting "conditions" recently. First, the rear shock mount got tired of being part of Teutonic engineering and decided to strike out on its own. It appears it will take the Marshall Plan and a skilled welder named Gunterschmidt to put things back as they were.
Secondly, the engine now produces a tapping noise, sort of like sonar when it bounces off the hull of a U-Boat. Not sure if it's terminal or just annoying, but either way it's got to run a few Deutschmarks to diagnose and treat.
Maybe what really hurt the Germans in WWII was that they didn't buy vehicles from their allies the Japanese!

*MercLady and I are still looking for a Golden Retriever to live at our house. The perfect candidate will be house trained, able to chase off marauding cats and bunny rabbits with a single bound, and star in multi-million dollar movies/tv shows/commercials. Other than that, we're pretty flexible. Note to South County Bear: Are you sure we're supposed to train the dog and not the other way around? It just seems so much easier to let the dog train us. Besides, how much obedience can you expect from an animal when it knows you pick up its poop?

*In a story related to the latest BMW caper, Gimlet and FroggieGirl have a new car, a 2004 Honda Civic. The new ride has a lot of advantages over the product from the Black Forest:
-Hondas have a great reputation for reliability and longevity. I've heard that a Japanese soldier from World War II was recently found on Guadalcanal still driving his 1939 Accord. The windshield was cracked from the US Navy bombardment in 1942, and it needed an oil change, but that was it.
-It uses regular gas, not premium like the Bimmer, and Civics are pretty frugal when it comes to mileage. Man, the Germans lost the war when their Panzers ran of of gas during the Ardennes Offensive in 1944, and they STILL haven't learned their lesson!
-The less money spent at QT on gasoline means more cups of Rooster Booster! More Taquitos! More Hot Dogs! More ice cream sandwiches! This is definitely a win-win situation.

*I have a week's vacation starting today, and my birthday is tomorrow (I'm too much of a gentleman to tell my age, so let's just say I'm "mature"). Naturally, the weather this week will be appropriately hot as hades and as humid as Borneo during rainy season. I'll probably have to spend the entire time inside doing woodworking projects with all my new power and hand tools. As Homer Simpson says, "Woo Hoo!! I hit the jackpot!".

-Everybody have a great week, and be sure to check this space next weekend when I'll be near the end of my time off and in a really crummy mood!

Goldens Rule!!

2006-07-01T14:09:00.001-05:00

In spite of the claims by some misguided Lab owners, this picture clearly shows why Goldens rule. What other dog is so beautiful, friendly, and loyal as this big old boy?
I know that owners of other breeds love their puppies and think they're the best, and that's OK. Just remember that when it comes down to a vote, only owners of Goldens can truly and objectively state, without reservation, that their pooch is definitely "Numero Uno"!!!
PS Cardinal's Superstar Albert Pujols is the proud owner of a Golden. Maybe that's the secret to his success: He's so happy that he can't help but succeed!

About the Wedding.......

2006-06-22T20:35:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, June 3, Mrs MercMan and I had the very great honor of officially welcoming a new member to our family as our son Gimlet and his fiance' Froggiegirl were married at St. Ann's Church in Normandy, Missouri. I've held off on writing a post re the happy event in the hopes of taking the time to get it right.

The weather was beautiful, like the bride, and I couldn't help feeling a little envious of the newlyweds' start on their life together. It seems a long time ago that Mrs MercMan and I stood side by side in a church ceremony, promising to love, honor, and cherish each other forever. While I wouldn't exchange a moment of my life, I wouldn't complain about being a 20-something again instead of a middle-aged AARP candidate.

As Gimlet and Froggiegirl were standing at the altar, my mind replayed highlights from Gimlet's growing up, from his trip home from the hospital to his first day of kindergarten; from the day he got his driver's license to the day he moved into his own house to the day he and Froggiegirl thrilled Mrs. MercMan and I with the news of their engagement. As I sat there thinking, I wondered if Froggiegirl's father was reliving those same memories of his now grown-up daughter. I'm betting he was, and though one chapter of our lives was ending, another was just beginning.

The wedding brought together more than just the bride and groom. Two families also became one, and that family includes all the wonderful friends who came together at a special place and time to show their support and best wishes for the newlyweds. My fervent hope is that the blessings of that day carry on forever for Gimlet and Froggiegirl, and all those who helped make the day the best ever!

The Router Table Has Landed!

2006-06-22T20:16:00.000-05:00

Regular readers of this site know of my love of tools. Hand tools, power tools, mechanic's tools, woodworking tools, you name it, I love it, especially if it's made-in-America-drop-forged-3horsepower-3000 rpm-heavy-duty-etc-etc-etc. Well, today I assembled my latest addition: A Craftsman Professional Series, laminate-top router bench.

I've had a router for a while, but the addition of the bench is just downright awesome! Whether you're rounding edges or cutting moulding, this thing rocks! Just set the bit height, adjust the fence, feed the stock from right to left and voila, perfect edge.

Of course, now I need an additional router to leave permanently mounted in the bench, plus about 100 new router bits for all the projects I've got in mind. Ahhhh....love means never having to say you have too many tools!

Memories in Pictures

2006-05-23T21:21:00.000-05:00

I was going through old photo albums tonight, and I was struck by how much time had slipped away. There were pictures of my late brother in his khaki Army uniform, as well as shots of us together when I was just a kid and he was an almost-grown big brother. I also found shots of my two sisters and my Mom and Dad, all taken 40-50 years ago. Can it really be that far back?
There were pictures of me with different hairstyles, from crew cuts to long side burns. I don't think I ever had an Afro, but I did have "love" beads and bell-bottomed pants in the 1960s!
Then there were my and Mrs Merc Man's wedding pictures. Mrs looked hot, and although we were both 21, we sure looked like a couple of babes in the woods. I can't even remember being that young.
Of course, a lot of the pictures featured Gimlet (or as I call him, The Boy!), chronicling his march from childhood to (yipes!) teenager to adult. Our latest pictures of The Boy also feature FroggieGirl, which is as it should be, since very soon they'll declare before God, family, and friends that they are two hearts beating as one.
Here's wishing them lots of happy pictures in the album.

Transmission A-Go-Go!

2006-05-07T16:46:00.000-05:00

Saturday, Gimlet and I attempted to diagnose an intermittent problem with Grandma Gimlet's '92 Olds Cutlass Ciera. While driving the car, it would sometimes behave as if it were struggling along in the wrong gear (it's an automatic). The car would shudder as you approached a stop, and would stall as soon as the car stopped moving. Then, after a few blocks of trying to give just enough gas to keep rolling without lugging the engine, things would smooth out and everything would be hunky-dory.
I suspected a problem with the lock-up torque converter, as Mrs Merc Man's '86 Cutlass Supreme suffered a similar malady earlier in its career. Still, I wasn't quite convinced GM would allow a chronic problem like this to go on for 6 model years without a fix.
Anyhoo, Gimlet and I headed out on a test drive, with Gimlet behind the wheel. I ran the passenger-side power window down for a little fresh air, then discovered that said window would not go back up. So far, our drive had not started out on a good note!
We drove for a long time, pausing only at the QT on Page to let the car heat soak and refresh ourselves before the next leg of our journey. After another 15-20 minutes of trouble-free cruising, we were just heading home when, all of a sudden, SHIMMY!, SHAKE!, SHUDDER!, the ol' car started doing its imitation of a belly dancer on speed! After several white-knuckle moments, we were finally able to limp the car home, at which time it proceeded to run just fine. Diagnosis: NEW CAR!!!!
Naw, just kidding, maybe. We're pretty sure it IS the lock-up converter, which we can disable by jacking up the car, putting it on stands, and unplugging its power source.
Now, about that passenger-side window..........

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-05-01T19:59:00.000-05:00

This edition of WRR&W is brought to you by the makers of power tools that can do serious damage in the hands of amateurs! Hey! At least I have my safety glasses on.

*Midwestern Girl's bridal shower went off without a hitch last Saturday. Even the weather, which included rain, wind, and falling trees, managed to stay away from the shower site. The haul included items from almost every category except tools, which explains why menfolk head for the hardware store while the shower is in progress!

*Alas, on Sunday, another NASCAR race was rained out. Instead of rescheduling the race for the next day, couldn't they just hold off 'til the next weekend and just add the races together? Can you imagine adding two 500-mile races and coming up with a thousand-miler? Wow, it would be like "Road Warrior" and "Death Race 2000" rolled into one.

*In case anyone is still wondering, I actually didn't cut off my thumb as shown in the picture with this column. Truth is, I lost that digit as a child in a tragic thumbsucking incident, and, no, I don't want to talk about it!

*By the way, do monkeys have thumbs on their feet?

*In spite of all their attempts at keeping their native culture intact, I think illegal aliens coming across the Southern US border are rapidly becoming Americans. I mean, they're not even working legally and they go on strike?! That's about as Teamster as it gets! This coming from a proud former member (in good standing, I might add) of Local 618.

*Cardinals' 1st baseman Albert Pujols had about the most amazing April ever. Something like 14 HRs, several game-winning hits, and outstanding fielding are merely padding Fat Albert's already amazing baseball resume'. I never thought another St. Louis player could approach Stan Musial's status in the Gateway City, but if Albert stays healthy, he'll get a good run at it.

*Celebremos Cinco de Mayo! Hasta la vista!

Zoot Tux!

2006-04-26T18:03:00.000-05:00

This afternoon, I went to the store and got measured for a Tux for the wedding of Midwestern Girl and Gimlet. Everything went pretty smoothly, and I was finished in about 20 minutes. The suits the happy couple picked out look pretty cool, but I have to admit I was really hooked by the Zoot Tux they had on a poster near the fitting room!
It really is a 1940s-style Zoot Suit made into a tux, complete with the panama hat and two-tone black and white shoes. They even have the long chain hanging from the waist! I tell ya, I liked the thing so much I asked Mrs Merc Man if she'd marry me again just so I could rent the Zoot Tux!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-04-22T09:02:00.000-05:00

This week's WRR&W deals with the joys of worklife, and is dedicated to anyone who has ever had to work for someone else. It's not a job, it's an exercise in frustration.

*My first full-time job was as a commission salesperson at what was then the world's largest retailer. I sold atomotive parts and accessories, including batteries, engines, transmissions, air conditioners, brakes, etc, etc. It was actually a pretty good gig, and since commission rates in the early 1970s were very respectable, an average person like myself could make a nice living without having an advanced degree or a well-connected relative. By the 1980s, Kmart, and then Wal-Mart, had convinced a lot of shoppers that cheap junk was better than quality merchandise, and that having trained salespeople around to assist customers wasn't nearly as efficient as letting people fend for themselves. Besides, everyone loves to stand in a checkout line for 45 minutes to purchase a quart of oil, especially if they've saved 2 cents! Today, my former company teeters on the brink of insolvency while the junk stores of the world peddle ever more junky crap assembled by slave labor in some "worker's paradise" across the ocean. Now that's progress.

*My current 'career' is in pharmaceutical sales. I know, I know, everyone believes the drug companies are robbing the sick and the elderly with inflated prices while making enormous profits. It is true that some very popular prescription drugs are very expensive, but the industry is not in all that rosy a shape. There have been some major financial failures as medicines that were being developed didn't pan out as the companies had hoped. Bayer lost the cholesterol drug Baycol to recall, AstraZeneca had a couple of expected blockbusters fizzle, Merck is paying out hundreds-of-millions to settle claims against Vioxx, and the industry as a whole is suffering from an oversupply of sales reps, a scarcity of new meds in the pipeline, and a tarnished public image. If we ever end up with a government-run healthcare system, it will be lights out.

*That being said, life as a drug rep is pretty much like any other sales job. Customers don't want to see you, there's tremendous pressure put on reps to sell product at all costs, and on any given day, 20-30 other reps are trying to influence the same people you are. I figure it's sort of like being a leper. Every time you approach someone, they throw their hands up and yell, "Unclean, unclean!"

*Another fun aspect is the monthly ride-a-long with your manager. Several years ago, the day consisted of having your boss tag along for the day, compliment you on your successes, offer constructive suggestions, and buy you a nice lunch. Today, with the sheer number of competitors to contend with, reps are pushed to make more calls, be more assertive (Read: Jerk), and "move the numbers" by just about any means necessary. As a result, the ride-a-long has become deadly serious. Woe be to the poor slob who has a bad day or gets a lot of doors slammed in his/her face. And then, just as the outing is mercifully drawing to an end, you have to endure the dreaded 'Post-ride-along evaluation', or as we in the industry affectionately refer to it as "The reaming". One rep described his boss's assessment remarks as "Nice hair-you suck- nice shoes". Wow, I'd KILL for a great e-val like that!

*The poor image the drug industry endures also means LOTS of people sitting in doctor's offices get a shot at us while we're waiting with them in the lobby. Most folks are very nice, but I regularly get dirty looks, and some people are bold enough to insult you to your face. The fact that we supply them with thousands of dollars of free medicine doesn't mollify these critics, and since we dress professionally and drive new cars, we stick out like the proverbial sore thumb. Of cousre, it could be worse. I could be a pump jockey at a gas station. With $3-a-gallon prices, it's probably a safety measure that very few stations have employees out at the point of sale.

*After all my crabbing, I wanted to end this week's column on a lighter note. There are plenty of people out there with worse jobs than mine: English teacher in France, judge in Baghdad, Cher's plastic surgeon, the list goes on and on. The utter inanity of work was probably best summed up by Will Farrell the other day when he reminded his audience that we celebrate Labor Day by NOT working. I really think he's got something there! See ya next week!!

Loft City?

2006-04-12T07:53:00.000-05:00

I hosted a dinner program last night at a trendy restaurant on Washington Avenue in downtown St. Louis. It was a pretty cool place, with a extensive wine list (What, no Mad Dog?), and a decor full of wood panelling and subdued lighting that made for a very intimate environment.
I parked in a garage a block or so away, and as I walked down the street, what struck me was the sheer number of older buildings that are being converted to lofts. Some of the developments are advertising roof-top pools, private parking, and prices in the multiple hundreds-of-thousands of dollars. All I kept thinking was, "Who lives in all these places and what do they do for a living?"
The other things that nag at me are why people want to live in a part of town with no neighborhood grocery stores, very few family-friendly venues nearby, the threat of urban street crime, and the possibility that your investment may not pay off in the long run. Then again, maybe I've just lived in the suburbs too long.
I don't blame the city, or developers, for promoting a product that brings much needed revenue to St. Louis. I just wonder about the long-term viability of this trend.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-04-08T08:55:00.000-05:00

*NBCs weekly news magazine, Dateline, ventured to NASCAR races recently. Not to film the action on the track, mind you, but to try and catch fans in the act of dissing Arab-looking spectators. The network had photographers follow two Middle Eastern-looking men in the belief that all those southern Rednecks just couldn't pass up the chance to harass helpless Muslims when they outnumbered the helpless 150,000 to 2.
To Dateline's dismay, the two men were not mistreated by anyone, and were able to wander around like any other fan on race day. As Jimmie Johnson, driver of the #48 Lowe's Monte Carlo put it, "I'm proud of our sport. Now, if those men had been wearing Jeff Gordon t-shirts and started jawing at Dale Earnhardt, Jr fans, there would probably have been a fight". Fortunately, NBCs minions didn't know enough about stock car racing to figure that out.

*The St. Louis Cardinals began the 2006 baseball season on a high note, sweeping the 3-game set with the Phillies before losing to Greg Maddux and the Cubs. The Cubs? Oh, the pain of it all!

*Mrs Merc Man and I have been trying to figure out all the nuances of our new iMac computer. Having exclusively used Windows-based PCs to this point, I can't get used to the lack of blue screens and "illegal operations" shutdowns.

*As regular vistors already know, I've been trying to learn woodworking skills. Well, mostly I've been BUYING a lot of woodworking tools, most of them powered. I'm beginning to get the hang of using a router, and once I have the complete $500,000 set of router bits available, I'll be good to go. I also need about half the world's lumber supplies, but that's another story and another small fortune.

*This Spring has had a typical Midwest beginning, with snow, wind, and rain storms that suddenly morph into tornadoes, complete with hail, gale-force blasts, and torrential downpours. I still haven't answered one basic question: Why in the world did our ancestors decide to stop here on their journey for a new life? Was it like, really nice that year?

Never Underestimate the Arrogance of Politicians

2006-04-04T21:51:00.000-05:00

I love the story about Democratic Representative Cynthia McKinney and her assault of a US Capitol security officer. McKinney's actions don't surprise me since she's been involved in acts of sheer stupidity for a long time now. What really gets me is that members of Congress don't have to go through routine screenings like the rest of America. Politicians apparently see themselves as better than the rest of us schlubs who basically get strip-searched each time we go to an airport, courthouse, or even some high schools!
A few weeks ago, I attended jury duty at the County Courthouse in Clayton. Even though all the prospective jurors went through an initial screening and were given ID badges, we had to submit to another screening anytime we left the building. Nobody complained, even when we were standing there in our boxers wondering why we still made the detectors beep.
I think every member of Congress should face the same humiliation, except for Ted Kennedy. He should also take a Breathalyzer test before they let him in the building.

New Computer--Take THAT Bill Gates!!!

2006-04-03T19:18:00.000-05:00

With the help of my son, Gimlet the All Computerizing, we purchased a new iMac Computer for the Merc Man household. We chose the Apple because of its great graphics and easy to use features, but mostly because we hate MicroSoft. The setup is a little diferent than Mrs Merc Man and I are used to, but with time we should be able to utilize all the software without too much headache.
I especially like iTunes, and I'm hoping to learn more about GarageBand and iPhoto in the near future. For now, we're ecstatic to have a machine that doesn't crash everytime we sneeze.
My only fear is that we'll be visited by Bill Gates, which is what happened to Homer Simpson when he tried to start his own Internet Provider. Gates "bought Homer out" by having a couple of his goons smash everything in the Simpson's house! Fortunately, I have the promise of a Internet Swat Team, known as the 'Linnux Commandos', that they will come to my rescue if Gates launches an assault!

Apple Tree Massacre

2006-03-31T21:54:00.000-06:00

Following Thursday night's thunderstorms, I awoke to find wind damage to the apple tree in our backyard. Being a dutiful homeowner with a vacation day on his hands, I decided to go out, save the tree, and "clean up" the overgrowth of limbs.
A couple hours later I had a HUGE stack of branches, busted limbs, and sawdust on the ground, and a skeleton of an apple tree still standing. Every time I cut out a broken branch, I'd find two more with splits, squirrel-inflicted bark damage, or gall. Somehow, the finished product didn't come out like the trees on 'Victory Garden' do.
Come this Summer, I'll have lots of adversaries looking for revenge since the birds, squirrels, rabbits, and wasps all loved the sweet apples that filled the once-numerous branches and sometimes fell to the ground. The biggest problem with lumber is that once you saw something off, it's pretty much impossible to put it back together.
I wonder what you can build with wood from an apple tree?

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-03-24T20:59:00.000-06:00

*I see the news media have decided that: 1) The Iraq war is lost and the American people's support for the liberation of Iraq is "dwindling". No mention of the fact that the drive-by press has spent the last three years trying its best to undermine our efforts by spending all its time on alleged mistreatment of terrorists, our supposed low standing with the rest of the world, and how Arabs couldn't possibly maintain a democracy. No facts, just brag. 2) Hollywood knows more about how to fight terrorism than the experts in the military and our intelligence services. We've had to endure everything from Michael Moore's celluloid lies about President Bush, VP Dick Cheney, and the "neocons" (code word for Jews) in the Administration, to hearing Charlie Sheen's looney conspiracy theories re 9/11. This moron actually believes the Trade Center Towers were actually collapsed by a controlled explosion, and that the jets that crashed into the towers were not commercial airliners! Maybe something he picked up from Heidi Fleiss' ate the good parts of his brain. 3) Our military is made up of low-rent dropouts who couldn't get a job in the real world. This one is right out of the 1960s, when anti-war lefties claimed that only poor blacks fought and died in Vietnam. When the actual statistics from the military are examined, it shows a balanced mix of the population served, in proportions that accurately reflect the make-up of our nation. 4) Even though Dan Rather's "Guardgate" scandal of President Bush's military service was proven to be built on faked documents, Blather continues to insist the story is true, and his buds in the press continue to cover for him. Maybe they were ALL customers of Heidi Fleiss!

*A combined force of British, Iraqi, and US soldiers rescued a group of peace activists in Baghdad after obtaining information from a captured insurgent (Gee, I hope they didn't violate his rights. After all, aren't murderous thugs entitled to all the legal protections those thousands of Americans who were incinerated on 9/11 received? Oh wait, that's right, they were executed without due process!). In an ironic twist, the pacifists couldn't bring themselves to thank their liberators, instead expressing gratitude to Muslims who had called for their release. Too bad that didn't work for Danny Pearl.

*Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a run at the presidency in 2008. Just what the Democratic Party needs, Michael Dukakis in a dress! Bill felt our pain, Hillary just is a pain!

*Senator Russ Feingold wants to censure the President over the electronic surveillence controversy. I hope so. I can't wait to see politicians vote on a document that sanctions the President for protecting America from Al Queda terrorists. I think ol' Russ is gonna find himself mighty lonely when that poll is taken. As dumb as Republicans are, you just can't top Democrats when it comes to making jackasses of themselves.

*Let's end this week's diatribe on an up note. Here's to all the men and women of the United States military who sacrifice so much while the rest of us live the good life at home. While we're watching sat TV, going to ball games, and buying Hotzi's at QT, they're laying their lives on the line for us. Maybe someday they'll get the recognition they deserve, but I'm not sure we could ever adequately express it. God Bless America!

Justice Isn't Blind, Just Tired and Hungry!

2006-03-23T19:10:00.000-06:00

I reported for jury duty on Monday at the St. Louis County Courthouse in Clayton, Missouri. Along with about 150 other Countians, I presented my summons, got my ID badge, and steeled myself for the bailiff's call that never came. Actually, the bailiff did come in once and call out about 25 names, but yours truly was not one of the chosen.
The rest of the day was spent reading a novel, getting up and walking around, commiserating with my fellow juror wannabe's, and buying snacks from the vending machines (I never knew I could eat that many peanut-butter crackers in the course of 8 hours). We did get to leave the jury assembly room for lunch, and in spite of the cold weather and blustery wind, I managed to waddle down to a little eatery on Bemiston called "The Market Bistro", where I got the best Taco salad I'd ever eaten.
Unfortunately, when I got back to the courthouse, I kept tripping the metal detector until I was about down to just my boxers and a smile before the damn thing stopped going "Bing!" every time I stepped through it. I made it back to the juror's room with time to spare, but it was touch and go for a while.
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, to the point that when they finally released us at 4 p.m. we had to wake some of our fellows up so they could vacate the building before lockdown.
All in all, I'm glad I got the experience, but as long as I was there, it would have been nice to at least be interviewed for a case. Oh well, at least I made $10 for the day. Of course, I spent $15 dollars on lunch and junk food. Who says Justice is blind? Obviously, it's tired and hungry!

Trim Saw

2006-03-19T09:24:00.000-06:00

I was at Sears at Mid Rivers Mall yesterday, cruising the hardware department while Mrs Merc Man and Grandma Gimlet searched the stores for bargains. I had won a AMEX gift card at my company's sales meeting, and I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my good fortune than by puchasing a new power tool. After much contemplation and drooling, I settled on a cordless, 19.2 -volt, 5 1/2-inch, Craftsman trim saw. Sweet! It runs up to 4500 rpm (no load speed) and is the perfect size for cutting molding, trim, etc, without the weight and hassle of a bigger, corded saw.
Only problem is, while searching for the perfect addition to my tool collection, I spied about 43 other must-have items that I don't currently own. To keep myself from becoming too despondent over that issue, I stopped at Borders to look around and stumbled on a CD of Marty Robbins' named "Gunfighter Ballads" that replaces an old LP I wore out after repeated playings. It is probably the best collection of cowboy-type songs ever, and was originally recorded in 1959.
Alas, Mrs Man and Grandma G came back empty handed. As for me, it was one of the best shopping experiences ever.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-03-18T09:56:00.000-06:00

This week's WRR&W will use a slightly different, and goofier, format. Mostly, it will involve my asking a lot of questions that may or may not have answers. Here goes:

*Do you think Master Carpenter and host of "New Yankee Workshop" Norm Abrams ever sneaks into his workshop late at night, turns on all the bazillions of power tools there and starts ripping, sawing, and shaping wood without wearing safety glasses or hearing protection while buzzed on Sam Adams beer?

*How come every social problem can only be corrected by spending more money on it? Do you think we'll ever hear a public official or school administrator say that more money won't change a thing?

*Why hasn't evolution created a bird smart enough not to fly into windows or build its nest in a rain gutter?

*Will the new Busch Stadium be a hitter's or a pitcher's ballpark? Will I need a cosignor to afford a beer and bratwurst at the new park? How long before "new" Busch becomes just "Busch"? Who will hit the first homer in the new stadium? (Hope it's not a Cub or a Met--yechhh!)

*Isn't it ironic that a virus that attacks birds is called "flu"?

*Did Hitler have anybody check the reliability records of vehicles built in Germany
before embarking on world conquest?

*Who will the St. Louis Rams play in the Super Bowl?

*Who gives a rats patootie for any more silly questions?

Peace Out!

Oi! What a Week I'm Having!

2006-03-08T21:11:00.000-06:00

I tell ya, this just isn't my week. I was all set to host a roundtable discussion involving several of the most important doctors in my territory Tuesday night at a trendy wine bar on Washington Avenue. I had been working on this program since last November. Everything was on track until Monday night when one doctor's son became quite ill. After about two dozen frantic phone calls, I managed to cancel the program until the young man gets better. By then my ulcer was going full bore and my head was thumping. The way my luck's been going lately, the young patient is probably lucky I'm not getting close enough to his Dad to jinx his recovery!

Today, I went to discuss another possible program with a physician who has a large number of home-care patients. Problem is, this doctor's first language isn't English and it is sometimes difficult to understand him, especially when he's excited. Did I mention he's almost always hyper? I waited over an hour to see him, and then got stuck trying to figure out what the heck he was saying for another hour. By the time I left his office, my head was spinning, my gut was churning, and I was dreaming of a nice quiet job guarding plutonium in Siberia! His office is in South St. Louis, so I got the added joy of trying to get past the Hwy 40/I-170 exchange in a downpour without being T-Boned by a hydro-planing semi. Ahhh..the glamorous life of a drug rep. I wonder if they have drug reps in Siberia?

Strangely enough, a few weeks ago my horoscope (Sign: Cancer) said I was coming out of a low period and heading toward a real high spot. Great!!! Maybe I can throw myself off. Question: What moron decided to give July the crab as its astrological sign? It's like all the good signs had already been claimed and July got bottom of the barrel! Why couldn't my sign have been something cool like a shark, an eagle, or even a freakin' unicorn? Anything but a crab!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-02-25T13:37:00.000-06:00

*Bought a new TV on President's Day in honor of President Sony. It's a 24-inch flat screen to replace an ancient 19-inch Sears that was made sometime during the first term of Ronald Reagan. All we have so far are rabbit ears, so until we either get cable or sat TV, we aren't quite sure of just how good the picture is on our new set.

*I also received the videos I ordered from the New Yankee Workshop re building a home library system and a garden bench. Now all I need is a 2500-square-foot workshop and the million dollars in power tools it will take to equip it. Somewhere on the East Coast, Norm Abrams is laughing all the way to the bank!

*Jimmy Johnson won the 2006 Daytona 500 amid allegations that his suspended crew chief is a cheat. The #48 Lowe's Monte Carlo has been a consistent contender over the last 3 seasons, and some people are concerned that unfair advantage has played a major role in the team's success. You'll notice that my man Tony Stewart (the #20 Home Depot car) has not been tainted by such charges. Tony is so busy mixing it up with other cars/drivers both on and off the track he doesn't have time to resort to illegal tactics!

*Tomorrow I'll be attending a birthday party for a 12-year-old black labrador retriever named Velvet. I know that sounds a little cornball, but this dog is so well trained and so good-hearted she trumps about 90% of the people I come in contact with each day. As a good friend of mine once said, "The more I deal with people, the better I like dogs!".

*The United States has killed another high-ranking Al Queda officer. No muss, no fuss, no arguing over how to treat prisoners. It sounds like a few well-placed shots or Hellfire missiles is the answer to all our legal wranglings!

*The United States Olympic Team has had a tough go in Turin. It got especially embarassing in the bobsled competition when officials found the NASCAR-designed American sled was running a hidden tank full of moonshine. I think having the name "White Lightning" on the sleigh wasn't
the smartest move. The rebel flag didn't help either!

Blind Justice...Literally!!!

2006-02-25T13:27:00.000-06:00

I received a letter in the mail the other day from St. Louis County inviting me, under penalty of law, to participate in the application of justice known as jury duty. It's only for a couple of days unless I actually end up on a case that carries on longer than that. Apparently, the odds of that happening are pretty slim, but it would be an interesting experience. To prepare, I've been reading "12 Angry Men" by Arthur Miller, and "I, Jury" by Mickey Spillane, plus watching all the Simpsons episodes starring Lionel Huts and the Seinfeld shows featuring Jackie Chiles!
Order In The Court!! Here Come 'da Judge!

Just Send Us Your Coordinates!

2006-02-20T10:15:00.000-06:00

Osama bin Laden says he will not be taken alive, and we would be more than happy to oblige!
BOMBS AWAY!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-02-18T13:39:00.000-06:00

*Democrats are calling for Vice President Dick Cheney to resign after being involved in a hunting accident last week. Republican charges of a double standard went unheeded after Mary Jo Kopechne could not be reached for comment.

*Olympic skater Michelle Kwan pulled out of the Winter Games in Turin, Italy after reinjuring herself in practice. She's taken a fair amount of heat from fans who feel she should have stepped aside earlier during Olympic Trials. I guess the fact that the Games come only once every four years puts a lot of pressure on world-class athletes to compete while still in their prime.

*US downhill skier Bode Miller fell short of his boasts to dominate events in Italy. Known for his "unorthodox" training regimen which includes a heapin' helpin' of partying, Miller got crossed up on the slopes when he couldn't figure out which course was the real one and which were part of his hangover! In another event, Miller crashed into a gate and ran off the course. Maybe he should keep quiet for a while.

*A big round of applause for American speed skater Shani Davis, who becomes the first black man to win a gold medal in the Winter Games. Davis had been criticized mildly for not participating in an earlier team event, but explained he was afraid the extra competition would weaken him in the 1000 meters. Looks like his strategy paid off as Americans finished 1-2 in the event!

*In the "Agony of Defeat" category, US women's snowboarder Lindsay Jacobellis was way ahead of the second-place Swiss boarder in the Women's Snowboardcross. When she tried to pull a fancy finish to seal her victory, she tripped and fell, handing the gold to her opponent. Jacobellis was able to get back up to gain a silver medal, but her greatest claim to fame will be the mistake that kept her off the top step of the award podium. I wonder if she'll replace the crashing ski jumper in the opening shot of ABCs 'Wide World of Sports'?

*Former President Bill Clinton is traveling the Middle East. Rumor has it Mr Clinton had to ask the State Department to defuse a potential international crisis when he was caught with a bag of pork rinds and a dog-eared copy of Penthouse Letters while in Saudi Arabia. The situation became even more inflamed when it was discovered he had purchasef the items in Denmark!

*My son celebrated his 29th birthday this week in true adult fashion: He worked, fought through an upper respiratory thingy, and put up with his parents' phone calls. Our birthday wish for him is to never check the oil in his car after hearing a noise and have the tech say, "I can't read anything on the dipstick!", always find sufficient cash in his wallet when at a restaurant, have a career so successful he'll get to see a lot of his bosses be fired, and, finally, not put his parents in a home featured on 60 Minutes when the senility really kicks in!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-02-11T09:04:00.000-06:00

*Congrats to the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers for their Super Bowl victory over the Seattle Seahawks. With all the sloppy play, bad officiating, and poor game-time management, it looked more like a high-school JV contest, but I'm sure Steelers Coach Bill Cower and the rest of Steeleville will take a win no matter how it happens.

*The lady who is my territory partner in the pharmaceutical rep business got quite a scare this week. Her 20-month-old son had a severe allergic reaction to peanuts while at the babysitters, and had to be rushed to the hospital! Apparently, the little guy was enjoying some breakfast cereal that contained peanuts when he suddenly started swelling up like a balloon. Since this was the first incidence, nobody knew what the heck was going on. Luckily, the babysitter was quick to get help and what could have been a tragedy was averted with no permanent damage, except to the nerves of my friend, her husband, and one very shaken babysitter. Add to the mix that my colleague is also 7 months pregnant, and it's really a blessing that nothing else happened! The toughest thing is that the little boy will have to avoid any contact with peanuts from now on, and from what the dietician told my partner, a lot of things you'd never suspect can be dangerous for him to eat or even be around.

*Why is it you don't hear about people being allergic to carrots, or saurkraut, or broccoli? Wouldn't it be great to hear your doctor say, "I'm recommending that you restrict your diet to pizza, ice cream, and White Castles, all complimented by large quantities of adult beverages"?

*My wife and I are in the process of picking out a new PC to replace the stone-age model we presently curse and kick every day. Since I'm basically computer ignorant, this has become a rather hilarious venture. I scan the ads each week, and visit the different suppliers' websites in search of the Holy Grail. I usually discriminate by price since perusing the technical specifications is like reading hieroglyphics! As if the basic packages aren't hard enough for me to follow, there are always dozens of 'upgrades' offered, like built-in cameras, or laser framistats. Maybe Dell, eMachines, or one of the other computer companies could come up with a basic, one-price-for-the-whole-mess PC just for the techno-impaired web surfer. They could call it the 'Dumbass Special' or something like that.

*I've been home from my trip to the Southern California desert for about 2 weeks now, so my allergies and sinus headaches are back in full force. You don't realize how bad you feel living in the mold and allergen center of the country until you visit someplace else and realize a lot of people don't live on Sudafed, Primatene, and aspirin each day. I guess there are drawbacks to living on the Left Coast, but even if an earthquake eventually killed me, at least I'd die with a dry handkerchief in my pocket!

*Is it baseball season yet? GO CARDS!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

2006-02-04T14:03:00.000-06:00

*It's Super Bowl weekend! If history is any guide, the half-time show will suck (as old as the Rolling Stones are, I half expect to see them come out on oxygen), the commercials will not be worth the $$$s spent on them, and one team will dominate the game from start to finish. Columnist George Will had the best observation: Once the Super Bowl is over, baseball Spring Training is just around the corner. Go Cards!!

*I'm getting a little more used to my new tablet computer. I only wish it was a little less bulky to lug around all day as I travel from one doctor's office to another. 4 1/2 pounds doesn't sound like a lot to carry, but when you add it to the weight of samples, my detail pieces, and all the clinical reprints I drag along, we're talking hefty. What I really need is one of those electric carts like people use at the supermarket. Especially if it has lights and a horn! Ahhh-ooooo-gaaa!!!

*I think I may be in trouble with the Man above. For several weeks now, my left foot swells up and gets awful sore after a day of walking on it. In my prayers, I've been asking that my foot be more like the other one. Problem is, now BOTH of my feet swell up and hurt. Either I'm not a very good spiritual communicator or God has a funny sense of humor!

*My company's national sales meeting was held in Palm Springs, California last week, and it was my first real trip to the desert. I think I could get used to the 70+ temps in the daytime, but it gets pretty cool at night. I'm guessing it gets toasty in the Summer, but that dry air (22% humidity compared to 1000% in St. Louis) sure did help my allergies. On the plane ride home, we had a layover in Dallas. By the time my group got back on the plane, we were all sneezing, coughing, and pretty much back to our normal, miserable selves. Welcome back to Middle America.

*The big debate here in the Gateway City lately has been the proposal to upgrade Highway 40. One of the suggested plans was to shut the entire roadway during repair, which would have pretty much paralyzed a big part of the metro area. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the new idea is to shut down one portion of the highway at a time. Whichever plan is finally approved, traffic will probably be a nightmare for a looonnggg time.

New Computers

2006-01-31T20:12:00.000-06:00

The pharma company I work for just switched from a small, PDA-sized field computer to a much larger, and heavier, tablet manufactured by Fujitsu.
Before we received these new units, we were told how much faster they were, and how they'd make us more effective in the field. Now, on the second day we've used them, they're crashing faster than a Russian airliner.
They are also 4.5 lbs and not much smaller than a laptop, so you can't carry them in your pocket or hold them in one hand. Obviously, the genius at Home Office who bought this bill of goods never worked as a field rep.
I find myself longing for the glory days of paper receipts and no cell phones!

Bomba Osama!

2006-01-21T13:17:00.000-06:00

It seems that the world's leading Islamofascist has been reading US opinion polls. Osama bin Laden is now offering the United States a "long-term truce" if only we'll stop dismembering Al Queda and wiping out his followers around the globe. Maybe the Predator drones that recently took out some of his murderous fellow travelers in Pakistan got a little too close to the madman himself. The only thing President Bush wants from Osama are his coordinates!

While Hillary Clinton insults black Americans on Martin Luther King Day, Ted Kennedy fights to preserve the right of women to have sex with men they wouldn't have a baby with, and Harry Belafonte throws in with Stalinist dictators in South America, US troops and our coalition partners are relentlessly hounding the terrorists who threaten Western civilization.

US Marines, Sailors, Airmen, and GIs are performing brilliantly against a sadistic enemy who wears no uniform, hides among, and murders, innocent men, women, and children, and believes in a fanatic ideology of hate and intolerance.

Sooner or later, Osama will be dragged from a rathole with a hole in his head or else be blasted to smithereens by a bomb smarter than he is. I can't wait to see the polls on that one!

March of the Penguins

2006-01-16T21:30:00.000-06:00

For Christmas, my son and his fiancee gave my wife a copy of the movie, 'March of the Penguins'. After watching it, I have to say it is one of the most remarkable films I have seen in my 50+ years on Spaceship Earth.
It's the story of how the Emperor Penguin travels by land to a breeding ground some 70 miles from the sea to hatch the next generation of sea birds. This remarkable journey takes place during Winter in the most hostile environment on earth, where temperatures can fall to minus 100 degrees and storms may produce winds of up to 100 miles per hour! Mother and Father share the parenting chores, which include balancing the fragile egg on their feet to prevent the chick from freezing in the terrible Antarctic cold. Males go months without food, and may lose up to half their body weight.
The only thing these animals have to protect themselves from the bitter cold is their combined mass as they huddle together. The scenes of these poor creatures enduring howling winds is awesome, and their honking cries seem out of the dawn of time. All this drama takes place far from human eyes, except for some truly brave, and crazy, French filmakers who endured the weather to tell the Emperor Penguins' story of survival despite the odds.
This is one of those movies that leaves you speechless at its conclusion, and the images have stayed with me. I would recommend this movie to everyone: young and old, nature lover or not, spiritual or atheist. It's just too magnificent a story to miss.

Runaway Router

2006-01-09T21:02:00.000-06:00

I got a new Craftsman 'Professional Series' router for Christmas, and so far it's been the toughest of my power tools to master. The router bit (the part that actually cuts the wood) spins at around 3000 rpm, so when it comes in contact with wood, it wants to take off like an out-of-balance washing machine walking across the basement floor!
Most of the woodworking magazines recommend using a jig (basically a guide made from strips of scrap wood) to keep the errant tool from taking off on its own, and that looks like the way I'll have to go. No wonder those magazines spend more time and effort on showcasing all kinds of jigs than they do completing the actual project.
By the way, routers really throw wood chips and sawdust, so like Norm Abrams says, "There are no more important safety equipment than these---safety glasses!

Merry Christmas! Now, Out of my way or I'll stomp you!!!

2006-01-02T20:21:00.000-06:00

We took down the tree today, and the outside lights were removed yesterday (Sunday). All in all, it was a good holiday season, even if it did go by way too fast. Having 9 days break was awesome, and getting extra time to spend with family really contrasts with the days I spent in retail where you were lucky if you got Christmas Day off!
Seeing the day-after-Christmas footage of shoppers shoving, slugging, and trampling their way through the stores and malls really brought back memories--most of them painful. It's sobering to see normally(?) rational(?)(?)people turn into Russell Crowe with a telephone when somebody dangles a piece of half-price Chinese electronics in front of them. In my day, I've seen people fight over Cabbage Patch dolls, Atari Pac Man cartridges, and complimentary donuts (seeing a group of senior citizens knock each other down for a jelly roll was definitely the highlight of my retail career!).

Kicking Off the New Year

2006-01-02T20:10:00.000-06:00

Had a really weird beginning to the New Year at work. The pharma company I work for shut down for the week between Christmas and New Year's. So far, so good. Either through a home-office mess up or miscalculation, they had us back to work today (Monday, January 2), even though it's actually the legal holiday. Every doctor's office I contacted was closed, which makes it hard to sell product when there's nobody there! The one upside to the entire day was the fact that parking was not a problem. Like the old adage says, when the world hands you lemons, you better have salt and tequila on hand!