Santa Claus a High-Tech Spy?

Reliable news sources are reporting that the Bush Administration secretly recruited Pere Noel to assist the US government in spying on suspected terrorists following the September 11 attacks. A spokesperson for Jolly Old Saint Nick confirmed Santa was cooperating with federal authorities, but insisted he had only turned over the "naughty" list to authorities. In a related development characterized as "chilling" by civil libertarians, the FBI announced it would vigorously pursue those individuals receiving lumps of coal this holiday season.