Merry Christmas!!!

Here's hoping that everyone in the blogosphere has a very Merrry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, and a prosperous New Year. As a public service, here are a few hints to make your holiday season a memorable one:

--When leaving snacks for Santa, shy away from the traditional glass of milk. Doctors at North Pole Regional Medical Center report that the Jolly Old Elf's cholesterol is "through the roof", and suggest herbal tea or diet Dr Pepper as a more appropriate beverage for a hundred-something senior with a body-mass-index in the high 30s.

--Mrs Claus asks that homeowners disable their cable/satellite tv boxes so Santa won't be distracted on his big night. She recounted a harrowing tale from a few years back when a suburban Chicago man inadvertantly left the Playboy Channel on the tube and Father Christmas came home four times that evening to badger his harried bride for "holiday cheer"! Needless to say, he almost didn't finish all his deliveries due to the time-consuming tomfoolery.

--Make sure that everyone in the house knows whether the Christmas Tree is real or artificial. Forgetting to water a real tree, or watering a fake, can have disastrous consequences, especially if the artificial tree has built-in electronics.

--Drink holiday spirits in moderation. Remember that different brands of egg-nog can have varying amounts of egg and nog. Christmas morning is a lot more enjoyable if your head is NOT suspended above a toilet bowl or stuck in a lampshade!

--Don't forget pets in your holiday planning. Santa still has scars from attacks by unmuzzled pit bulls and free-ranging chinchillas. Maybe it's the red suit, but the old guy really seems to set off the wildlife.

--Finally, don't give away every dollar you've earned during the holdays. That's what April 15 is for! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!