Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

Thought I'd use this week's spot to wish everyone a Happy and Prosperous New Year, and list my resolutions for 2006.

*With Tom and Jenny's wedding coming up in June, I resolve to lose weight and get in better shape before the big day. Besides the health issue, it would sure feel nice to buy new clothes that are smaller than my current selection! Besides, people are starting to catch on that I'm NOT an offensive tackle for the St. Louis Rams.

*I have been promising to restore my wife's beloved 1986 Olds Cutlass for a few year's now, so I resolve to "git 'er done" (with apologies to Larry the cable guy) in 2006. Does anyone have a spare Olds 403-cubic inch V8 laying around? Preferably from a late 70s/early 80s Pontiac Trans Am. If you also have a set of 15'' Olds Rally Wheels, even better!

*2006 has to be the year for a real, away-from-home vacation. It doesn't have to be exotic, maybe Williamsburg, Monticello, Santa Fe, or even Chicago or Atlanta (would really like to see the new Atlanta Aquarium or the Shedd in Chi-town!) How cool would it be to go to a Cards-Cubs game at Wrigley, catch a home run ball from Albert, and then refuse to throw it back onto the field?

*I always wanted to take part in a Highland Games-type competition. I believe there's a Saint Andrew's Society in St. Louis where one can get more info. Throwing a telephone pole around just sounds like a lot of fun. If my bad knees hold out, I'd really like to try. Aye, Laddie!

*I resolve not to cry like a baby in the emergency room after blowing out my knee, back, shoulder, etc, etc after taking part in above-mentioned games!

*I resolve to get my cholesterol, glucose, and blood pressure checked by my doctor, and actually follow her instructions if they're out of spec. Since I'm a drug rep and sell cholesterol and BP meds, it seems a little disingenuous to ask others to do what I won't do myself. Besides, I can probably become my own best sales tool!

*2006 will be the year I catch up with the rest of the world in technology. Out goes the ancient tv and pre-Deluvian home PC, in comes HDTV and a computer that can do more than play Solitaire. I've heard it's now possible to go more than 20 minutes without a memory dump, blue screen of death, or a lockup! Who'da thought?!

When, exactly, did Hell freeze over?

In the last two days, I have fixed the non-working gas lamp in my front yard, insulated the perimeter of my basement with fiberglass batts, cut out dead limbs from the apple and gum trees in our backyard, repaired a broken latch on the back storm door, and fixed a slow-running drain in the kitchen sink. All without falling off a ladder, being smacked with a tree limb the size of Montana, slicing off some fingers with a razor knife, or breaking a pipe inside a wall! With all this work and no disaster, I'm certain Hell has to have frozen over. I mean, I've used up nine lives worth of good luck in a two-day span. I haven't checked my astrological chart, but maybe my house, the planets, and all the other space junk out there are in some kind of once-in-a-millenium alignment (that would explain the White Sox winning the World Series, and Garth Brooks being in those Wal-Mart commercials).
Just to play it safe, I'm sitting in front of the computer with an aluminum foil hat on my head, a 4-leaf clover in my hand, and a St Christopher medal around my neck. These days, ya just can't be too careful!

Mmmmm.......Power Tools!!!

Over the last few months, I've accumulated a lot of new power tools. To wit, a 10-inch table saw, compound power miter saw, reciprocating saw, and now a combination fixed/plunge router (all Crafstman, of course). With my company's shutdown for the holidays, I've had the time to actually play around with them, and they are even more fun than I had previously thought. Using a 3000-rpm power saw to rip lumber is a feast for the male ego and an assault on said male's hearing (note--next time wear hearing protectors! PS to Jenny--I did remember my safety glasses a la' Norm Abrams).
The only limitations I still face are paying for quality wood and the cost of router bits. Apparently, there are 50 million router bits on the market, and you have to have every one to be a real woodworker. High-quality lumber is so expensive I'm going to take up part-time lumberjacking to secure wood at a reasonable price (look out, Earth-Firsters!)
I guess it could be worse. I could be into golf and spend all my money on bright yellow pants and tweed socks!

White Christmas

I woke up about 4 a.m. on Christmas morn 2005 to a bedroom lit up like the airport. During the night, the rain from Christmas Eve had changed over to snow, and there was enough of the white stuff to cover the ground and reflect the ten-thousand Xmas lights on our street. It was the perfect snowstorm--just enough to blanket the grassy areas without turning the sidewalks, driveways, and streets into a skating rink.
It reminded me of the year my wife and son and I went looking for the proper Christmas Tree on a snowy weekday evening. We sorted through the rows of potential purchases as Bing Crosby crooned "White Christmas" through speakers strung above the tree lot. The specimen we picked out was covered with snow, at least until I hoisted it up to load in the bed of my truck. At that moment, I got my first taste of what an avalanche feels like. As we drove home, with the now melting snowpile on my head running down my neck and soaking my t-shirt, I realized why people move to warmer climes!
Not every St. Louis Winter is cold. One Christmas Eve, we enjoyed lunch at Red Lobster, saw the movie "E.T." and then returned home to open presents on a balmy 70-degree evening.
On the flip side, in 1983 it was below zero every day for a week, and we had to thaw our tree before we could get the branches to relax so we could add lights and ornaments.
I wonder how hard it is to string lights on a palm tree?