Zoot Tux!

This afternoon, I went to the store and got measured for a Tux for the wedding of Midwestern Girl and Gimlet. Everything went pretty smoothly, and I was finished in about 20 minutes. The suits the happy couple picked out look pretty cool, but I have to admit I was really hooked by the Zoot Tux they had on a poster near the fitting room!
It really is a 1940s-style Zoot Suit made into a tux, complete with the panama hat and two-tone black and white shoes. They even have the long chain hanging from the waist! I tell ya, I liked the thing so much I asked Mrs Merc Man if she'd marry me again just so I could rent the Zoot Tux!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

This week's WRR&W deals with the joys of worklife, and is dedicated to anyone who has ever had to work for someone else. It's not a job, it's an exercise in frustration.

*My first full-time job was as a commission salesperson at what was then the world's largest retailer. I sold atomotive parts and accessories, including batteries, engines, transmissions, air conditioners, brakes, etc, etc. It was actually a pretty good gig, and since commission rates in the early 1970s were very respectable, an average person like myself could make a nice living without having an advanced degree or a well-connected relative. By the 1980s, Kmart, and then Wal-Mart, had convinced a lot of shoppers that cheap junk was better than quality merchandise, and that having trained salespeople around to assist customers wasn't nearly as efficient as letting people fend for themselves. Besides, everyone loves to stand in a checkout line for 45 minutes to purchase a quart of oil, especially if they've saved 2 cents! Today, my former company teeters on the brink of insolvency while the junk stores of the world peddle ever more junky crap assembled by slave labor in some "worker's paradise" across the ocean. Now that's progress.

*My current 'career' is in pharmaceutical sales. I know, I know, everyone believes the drug companies are robbing the sick and the elderly with inflated prices while making enormous profits. It is true that some very popular prescription drugs are very expensive, but the industry is not in all that rosy a shape. There have been some major financial failures as medicines that were being developed didn't pan out as the companies had hoped. Bayer lost the cholesterol drug Baycol to recall, AstraZeneca had a couple of expected blockbusters fizzle, Merck is paying out hundreds-of-millions to settle claims against Vioxx, and the industry as a whole is suffering from an oversupply of sales reps, a scarcity of new meds in the pipeline, and a tarnished public image. If we ever end up with a government-run healthcare system, it will be lights out.

*That being said, life as a drug rep is pretty much like any other sales job. Customers don't want to see you, there's tremendous pressure put on reps to sell product at all costs, and on any given day, 20-30 other reps are trying to influence the same people you are. I figure it's sort of like being a leper. Every time you approach someone, they throw their hands up and yell, "Unclean, unclean!"

*Another fun aspect is the monthly ride-a-long with your manager. Several years ago, the day consisted of having your boss tag along for the day, compliment you on your successes, offer constructive suggestions, and buy you a nice lunch. Today, with the sheer number of competitors to contend with, reps are pushed to make more calls, be more assertive (Read: Jerk), and "move the numbers" by just about any means necessary. As a result, the ride-a-long has become deadly serious. Woe be to the poor slob who has a bad day or gets a lot of doors slammed in his/her face. And then, just as the outing is mercifully drawing to an end, you have to endure the dreaded 'Post-ride-along evaluation', or as we in the industry affectionately refer to it as "The reaming". One rep described his boss's assessment remarks as "Nice hair-you suck- nice shoes". Wow, I'd KILL for a great e-val like that!

*The poor image the drug industry endures also means LOTS of people sitting in doctor's offices get a shot at us while we're waiting with them in the lobby. Most folks are very nice, but I regularly get dirty looks, and some people are bold enough to insult you to your face. The fact that we supply them with thousands of dollars of free medicine doesn't mollify these critics, and since we dress professionally and drive new cars, we stick out like the proverbial sore thumb. Of cousre, it could be worse. I could be a pump jockey at a gas station. With $3-a-gallon prices, it's probably a safety measure that very few stations have employees out at the point of sale.

*After all my crabbing, I wanted to end this week's column on a lighter note. There are plenty of people out there with worse jobs than mine: English teacher in France, judge in Baghdad, Cher's plastic surgeon, the list goes on and on. The utter inanity of work was probably best summed up by Will Farrell the other day when he reminded his audience that we celebrate Labor Day by NOT working. I really think he's got something there! See ya next week!!

Loft City?

I hosted a dinner program last night at a trendy restaurant on Washington Avenue in downtown St. Louis. It was a pretty cool place, with a extensive wine list (What, no Mad Dog?), and a decor full of wood panelling and subdued lighting that made for a very intimate environment.
I parked in a garage a block or so away, and as I walked down the street, what struck me was the sheer number of older buildings that are being converted to lofts. Some of the developments are advertising roof-top pools, private parking, and prices in the multiple hundreds-of-thousands of dollars. All I kept thinking was, "Who lives in all these places and what do they do for a living?"
The other things that nag at me are why people want to live in a part of town with no neighborhood grocery stores, very few family-friendly venues nearby, the threat of urban street crime, and the possibility that your investment may not pay off in the long run. Then again, maybe I've just lived in the suburbs too long.
I don't blame the city, or developers, for promoting a product that brings much needed revenue to St. Louis. I just wonder about the long-term viability of this trend.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*NBCs weekly news magazine, Dateline, ventured to NASCAR races recently. Not to film the action on the track, mind you, but to try and catch fans in the act of dissing Arab-looking spectators. The network had photographers follow two Middle Eastern-looking men in the belief that all those southern Rednecks just couldn't pass up the chance to harass helpless Muslims when they outnumbered the helpless 150,000 to 2.
To Dateline's dismay, the two men were not mistreated by anyone, and were able to wander around like any other fan on race day. As Jimmie Johnson, driver of the #48 Lowe's Monte Carlo put it, "I'm proud of our sport. Now, if those men had been wearing Jeff Gordon t-shirts and started jawing at Dale Earnhardt, Jr fans, there would probably have been a fight". Fortunately, NBCs minions didn't know enough about stock car racing to figure that out.

*The St. Louis Cardinals began the 2006 baseball season on a high note, sweeping the 3-game set with the Phillies before losing to Greg Maddux and the Cubs. The Cubs? Oh, the pain of it all!

*Mrs Merc Man and I have been trying to figure out all the nuances of our new iMac computer. Having exclusively used Windows-based PCs to this point, I can't get used to the lack of blue screens and "illegal operations" shutdowns.

*As regular vistors already know, I've been trying to learn woodworking skills. Well, mostly I've been BUYING a lot of woodworking tools, most of them powered. I'm beginning to get the hang of using a router, and once I have the complete $500,000 set of router bits available, I'll be good to go. I also need about half the world's lumber supplies, but that's another story and another small fortune.

*This Spring has had a typical Midwest beginning, with snow, wind, and rain storms that suddenly morph into tornadoes, complete with hail, gale-force blasts, and torrential downpours. I still haven't answered one basic question: Why in the world did our ancestors decide to stop here on their journey for a new life? Was it like, really nice that year?

Never Underestimate the Arrogance of Politicians

I love the story about Democratic Representative Cynthia McKinney and her assault of a US Capitol security officer. McKinney's actions don't surprise me since she's been involved in acts of sheer stupidity for a long time now. What really gets me is that members of Congress don't have to go through routine screenings like the rest of America. Politicians apparently see themselves as better than the rest of us schlubs who basically get strip-searched each time we go to an airport, courthouse, or even some high schools!
A few weeks ago, I attended jury duty at the County Courthouse in Clayton. Even though all the prospective jurors went through an initial screening and were given ID badges, we had to submit to another screening anytime we left the building. Nobody complained, even when we were standing there in our boxers wondering why we still made the detectors beep.
I think every member of Congress should face the same humiliation, except for Ted Kennedy. He should also take a Breathalyzer test before they let him in the building.

New Computer--Take THAT Bill Gates!!!

With the help of my son, Gimlet the All Computerizing, we purchased a new iMac Computer for the Merc Man household. We chose the Apple because of its great graphics and easy to use features, but mostly because we hate MicroSoft. The setup is a little diferent than Mrs Merc Man and I are used to, but with time we should be able to utilize all the software without too much headache.
I especially like iTunes, and I'm hoping to learn more about GarageBand and iPhoto in the near future. For now, we're ecstatic to have a machine that doesn't crash everytime we sneeze.
My only fear is that we'll be visited by Bill Gates, which is what happened to Homer Simpson when he tried to start his own Internet Provider. Gates "bought Homer out" by having a couple of his goons smash everything in the Simpson's house! Fortunately, I have the promise of a Internet Swat Team, known as the 'Linnux Commandos', that they will come to my rescue if Gates launches an assault!

Apple Tree Massacre

Following Thursday night's thunderstorms, I awoke to find wind damage to the apple tree in our backyard. Being a dutiful homeowner with a vacation day on his hands, I decided to go out, save the tree, and "clean up" the overgrowth of limbs.
A couple hours later I had a HUGE stack of branches, busted limbs, and sawdust on the ground, and a skeleton of an apple tree still standing. Every time I cut out a broken branch, I'd find two more with splits, squirrel-inflicted bark damage, or gall. Somehow, the finished product didn't come out like the trees on 'Victory Garden' do.
Come this Summer, I'll have lots of adversaries looking for revenge since the birds, squirrels, rabbits, and wasps all loved the sweet apples that filled the once-numerous branches and sometimes fell to the ground. The biggest problem with lumber is that once you saw something off, it's pretty much impossible to put it back together.
I wonder what you can build with wood from an apple tree?

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*I see the news media have decided that: 1) The Iraq war is lost and the American people's support for the liberation of Iraq is "dwindling". No mention of the fact that the drive-by press has spent the last three years trying its best to undermine our efforts by spending all its time on alleged mistreatment of terrorists, our supposed low standing with the rest of the world, and how Arabs couldn't possibly maintain a democracy. No facts, just brag. 2) Hollywood knows more about how to fight terrorism than the experts in the military and our intelligence services. We've had to endure everything from Michael Moore's celluloid lies about President Bush, VP Dick Cheney, and the "neocons" (code word for Jews) in the Administration, to hearing Charlie Sheen's looney conspiracy theories re 9/11. This moron actually believes the Trade Center Towers were actually collapsed by a controlled explosion, and that the jets that crashed into the towers were not commercial airliners! Maybe something he picked up from Heidi Fleiss' ate the good parts of his brain. 3) Our military is made up of low-rent dropouts who couldn't get a job in the real world. This one is right out of the 1960s, when anti-war lefties claimed that only poor blacks fought and died in Vietnam. When the actual statistics from the military are examined, it shows a balanced mix of the population served, in proportions that accurately reflect the make-up of our nation. 4) Even though Dan Rather's "Guardgate" scandal of President Bush's military service was proven to be built on faked documents, Blather continues to insist the story is true, and his buds in the press continue to cover for him. Maybe they were ALL customers of Heidi Fleiss!

*A combined force of British, Iraqi, and US soldiers rescued a group of peace activists in Baghdad after obtaining information from a captured insurgent (Gee, I hope they didn't violate his rights. After all, aren't murderous thugs entitled to all the legal protections those thousands of Americans who were incinerated on 9/11 received? Oh wait, that's right, they were executed without due process!). In an ironic twist, the pacifists couldn't bring themselves to thank their liberators, instead expressing gratitude to Muslims who had called for their release. Too bad that didn't work for Danny Pearl.

*Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a run at the presidency in 2008. Just what the Democratic Party needs, Michael Dukakis in a dress! Bill felt our pain, Hillary just is a pain!

*Senator Russ Feingold wants to censure the President over the electronic surveillence controversy. I hope so. I can't wait to see politicians vote on a document that sanctions the President for protecting America from Al Queda terrorists. I think ol' Russ is gonna find himself mighty lonely when that poll is taken. As dumb as Republicans are, you just can't top Democrats when it comes to making jackasses of themselves.

*Let's end this week's diatribe on an up note. Here's to all the men and women of the United States military who sacrifice so much while the rest of us live the good life at home. While we're watching sat TV, going to ball games, and buying Hotzi's at QT, they're laying their lives on the line for us. Maybe someday they'll get the recognition they deserve, but I'm not sure we could ever adequately express it. God Bless America!

Justice Isn't Blind, Just Tired and Hungry!

I reported for jury duty on Monday at the St. Louis County Courthouse in Clayton, Missouri. Along with about 150 other Countians, I presented my summons, got my ID badge, and steeled myself for the bailiff's call that never came. Actually, the bailiff did come in once and call out about 25 names, but yours truly was not one of the chosen.
The rest of the day was spent reading a novel, getting up and walking around, commiserating with my fellow juror wannabe's, and buying snacks from the vending machines (I never knew I could eat that many peanut-butter crackers in the course of 8 hours). We did get to leave the jury assembly room for lunch, and in spite of the cold weather and blustery wind, I managed to waddle down to a little eatery on Bemiston called "The Market Bistro", where I got the best Taco salad I'd ever eaten.
Unfortunately, when I got back to the courthouse, I kept tripping the metal detector until I was about down to just my boxers and a smile before the damn thing stopped going "Bing!" every time I stepped through it. I made it back to the juror's room with time to spare, but it was touch and go for a while.
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, to the point that when they finally released us at 4 p.m. we had to wake some of our fellows up so they could vacate the building before lockdown.
All in all, I'm glad I got the experience, but as long as I was there, it would have been nice to at least be interviewed for a case. Oh well, at least I made $10 for the day. Of course, I spent $15 dollars on lunch and junk food. Who says Justice is blind? Obviously, it's tired and hungry!

Trim Saw

I was at Sears at Mid Rivers Mall yesterday, cruising the hardware department while Mrs Merc Man and Grandma Gimlet searched the stores for bargains. I had won a AMEX gift card at my company's sales meeting, and I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my good fortune than by puchasing a new power tool. After much contemplation and drooling, I settled on a cordless, 19.2 -volt, 5 1/2-inch, Craftsman trim saw. Sweet! It runs up to 4500 rpm (no load speed) and is the perfect size for cutting molding, trim, etc, without the weight and hassle of a bigger, corded saw.
Only problem is, while searching for the perfect addition to my tool collection, I spied about 43 other must-have items that I don't currently own. To keep myself from becoming too despondent over that issue, I stopped at Borders to look around and stumbled on a CD of Marty Robbins' named "Gunfighter Ballads" that replaces an old LP I wore out after repeated playings. It is probably the best collection of cowboy-type songs ever, and was originally recorded in 1959.
Alas, Mrs Man and Grandma G came back empty handed. As for me, it was one of the best shopping experiences ever.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

This week's WRR&W will use a slightly different, and goofier, format. Mostly, it will involve my asking a lot of questions that may or may not have answers. Here goes:

*Do you think Master Carpenter and host of "New Yankee Workshop" Norm Abrams ever sneaks into his workshop late at night, turns on all the bazillions of power tools there and starts ripping, sawing, and shaping wood without wearing safety glasses or hearing protection while buzzed on Sam Adams beer?

*How come every social problem can only be corrected by spending more money on it? Do you think we'll ever hear a public official or school administrator say that more money won't change a thing?

*Why hasn't evolution created a bird smart enough not to fly into windows or build its nest in a rain gutter?

*Will the new Busch Stadium be a hitter's or a pitcher's ballpark? Will I need a cosignor to afford a beer and bratwurst at the new park? How long before "new" Busch becomes just "Busch"? Who will hit the first homer in the new stadium? (Hope it's not a Cub or a Met--yechhh!)

*Isn't it ironic that a virus that attacks birds is called "flu"?

*Did Hitler have anybody check the reliability records of vehicles built in Germany
before embarking on world conquest?

*Who will the St. Louis Rams play in the Super Bowl?

*Who gives a rats patootie for any more silly questions?

Peace Out!

Oi! What a Week I'm Having!

I tell ya, this just isn't my week. I was all set to host a roundtable discussion involving several of the most important doctors in my territory Tuesday night at a trendy wine bar on Washington Avenue. I had been working on this program since last November. Everything was on track until Monday night when one doctor's son became quite ill. After about two dozen frantic phone calls, I managed to cancel the program until the young man gets better. By then my ulcer was going full bore and my head was thumping. The way my luck's been going lately, the young patient is probably lucky I'm not getting close enough to his Dad to jinx his recovery!

Today, I went to discuss another possible program with a physician who has a large number of home-care patients. Problem is, this doctor's first language isn't English and it is sometimes difficult to understand him, especially when he's excited. Did I mention he's almost always hyper? I waited over an hour to see him, and then got stuck trying to figure out what the heck he was saying for another hour. By the time I left his office, my head was spinning, my gut was churning, and I was dreaming of a nice quiet job guarding plutonium in Siberia! His office is in South St. Louis, so I got the added joy of trying to get past the Hwy 40/I-170 exchange in a downpour without being T-Boned by a hydro-planing semi. Ahhh..the glamorous life of a drug rep. I wonder if they have drug reps in Siberia?

Strangely enough, a few weeks ago my horoscope (Sign: Cancer) said I was coming out of a low period and heading toward a real high spot. Great!!! Maybe I can throw myself off. Question: What moron decided to give July the crab as its astrological sign? It's like all the good signs had already been claimed and July got bottom of the barrel! Why couldn't my sign have been something cool like a shark, an eagle, or even a freakin' unicorn? Anything but a crab!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*Bought a new TV on President's Day in honor of President Sony. It's a 24-inch flat screen to replace an ancient 19-inch Sears that was made sometime during the first term of Ronald Reagan. All we have so far are rabbit ears, so until we either get cable or sat TV, we aren't quite sure of just how good the picture is on our new set.

*I also received the videos I ordered from the New Yankee Workshop re building a home library system and a garden bench. Now all I need is a 2500-square-foot workshop and the million dollars in power tools it will take to equip it. Somewhere on the East Coast, Norm Abrams is laughing all the way to the bank!

*Jimmy Johnson won the 2006 Daytona 500 amid allegations that his suspended crew chief is a cheat. The #48 Lowe's Monte Carlo has been a consistent contender over the last 3 seasons, and some people are concerned that unfair advantage has played a major role in the team's success. You'll notice that my man Tony Stewart (the #20 Home Depot car) has not been tainted by such charges. Tony is so busy mixing it up with other cars/drivers both on and off the track he doesn't have time to resort to illegal tactics!

*Tomorrow I'll be attending a birthday party for a 12-year-old black labrador retriever named Velvet. I know that sounds a little cornball, but this dog is so well trained and so good-hearted she trumps about 90% of the people I come in contact with each day. As a good friend of mine once said, "The more I deal with people, the better I like dogs!".

*The United States has killed another high-ranking Al Queda officer. No muss, no fuss, no arguing over how to treat prisoners. It sounds like a few well-placed shots or Hellfire missiles is the answer to all our legal wranglings!

*The United States Olympic Team has had a tough go in Turin. It got especially embarassing in the bobsled competition when officials found the NASCAR-designed American sled was running a hidden tank full of moonshine. I think having the name "White Lightning" on the sleigh wasn't
the smartest move. The rebel flag didn't help either!

Blind Justice...Literally!!!

I received a letter in the mail the other day from St. Louis County inviting me, under penalty of law, to participate in the application of justice known as jury duty. It's only for a couple of days unless I actually end up on a case that carries on longer than that. Apparently, the odds of that happening are pretty slim, but it would be an interesting experience. To prepare, I've been reading "12 Angry Men" by Arthur Miller, and "I, Jury" by Mickey Spillane, plus watching all the Simpsons episodes starring Lionel Huts and the Seinfeld shows featuring Jackie Chiles!
Order In The Court!! Here Come 'da Judge!

Just Send Us Your Coordinates!

Osama bin Laden says he will not be taken alive, and we would be more than happy to oblige!
BOMBS AWAY!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*Democrats are calling for Vice President Dick Cheney to resign after being involved in a hunting accident last week. Republican charges of a double standard went unheeded after Mary Jo Kopechne could not be reached for comment.

*Olympic skater Michelle Kwan pulled out of the Winter Games in Turin, Italy after reinjuring herself in practice. She's taken a fair amount of heat from fans who feel she should have stepped aside earlier during Olympic Trials. I guess the fact that the Games come only once every four years puts a lot of pressure on world-class athletes to compete while still in their prime.

*US downhill skier Bode Miller fell short of his boasts to dominate events in Italy. Known for his "unorthodox" training regimen which includes a heapin' helpin' of partying, Miller got crossed up on the slopes when he couldn't figure out which course was the real one and which were part of his hangover! In another event, Miller crashed into a gate and ran off the course. Maybe he should keep quiet for a while.

*A big round of applause for American speed skater Shani Davis, who becomes the first black man to win a gold medal in the Winter Games. Davis had been criticized mildly for not participating in an earlier team event, but explained he was afraid the extra competition would weaken him in the 1000 meters. Looks like his strategy paid off as Americans finished 1-2 in the event!

*In the "Agony of Defeat" category, US women's snowboarder Lindsay Jacobellis was way ahead of the second-place Swiss boarder in the Women's Snowboardcross. When she tried to pull a fancy finish to seal her victory, she tripped and fell, handing the gold to her opponent. Jacobellis was able to get back up to gain a silver medal, but her greatest claim to fame will be the mistake that kept her off the top step of the award podium. I wonder if she'll replace the crashing ski jumper in the opening shot of ABCs 'Wide World of Sports'?

*Former President Bill Clinton is traveling the Middle East. Rumor has it Mr Clinton had to ask the State Department to defuse a potential international crisis when he was caught with a bag of pork rinds and a dog-eared copy of Penthouse Letters while in Saudi Arabia. The situation became even more inflamed when it was discovered he had purchasef the items in Denmark!

*My son celebrated his 29th birthday this week in true adult fashion: He worked, fought through an upper respiratory thingy, and put up with his parents' phone calls. Our birthday wish for him is to never check the oil in his car after hearing a noise and have the tech say, "I can't read anything on the dipstick!", always find sufficient cash in his wallet when at a restaurant, have a career so successful he'll get to see a lot of his bosses be fired, and, finally, not put his parents in a home featured on 60 Minutes when the senility really kicks in!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*Congrats to the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers for their Super Bowl victory over the Seattle Seahawks. With all the sloppy play, bad officiating, and poor game-time management, it looked more like a high-school JV contest, but I'm sure Steelers Coach Bill Cower and the rest of Steeleville will take a win no matter how it happens.

*The lady who is my territory partner in the pharmaceutical rep business got quite a scare this week. Her 20-month-old son had a severe allergic reaction to peanuts while at the babysitters, and had to be rushed to the hospital! Apparently, the little guy was enjoying some breakfast cereal that contained peanuts when he suddenly started swelling up like a balloon. Since this was the first incidence, nobody knew what the heck was going on. Luckily, the babysitter was quick to get help and what could have been a tragedy was averted with no permanent damage, except to the nerves of my friend, her husband, and one very shaken babysitter. Add to the mix that my colleague is also 7 months pregnant, and it's really a blessing that nothing else happened! The toughest thing is that the little boy will have to avoid any contact with peanuts from now on, and from what the dietician told my partner, a lot of things you'd never suspect can be dangerous for him to eat or even be around.

*Why is it you don't hear about people being allergic to carrots, or saurkraut, or broccoli? Wouldn't it be great to hear your doctor say, "I'm recommending that you restrict your diet to pizza, ice cream, and White Castles, all complimented by large quantities of adult beverages"?

*My wife and I are in the process of picking out a new PC to replace the stone-age model we presently curse and kick every day. Since I'm basically computer ignorant, this has become a rather hilarious venture. I scan the ads each week, and visit the different suppliers' websites in search of the Holy Grail. I usually discriminate by price since perusing the technical specifications is like reading hieroglyphics! As if the basic packages aren't hard enough for me to follow, there are always dozens of 'upgrades' offered, like built-in cameras, or laser framistats. Maybe Dell, eMachines, or one of the other computer companies could come up with a basic, one-price-for-the-whole-mess PC just for the techno-impaired web surfer. They could call it the 'Dumbass Special' or something like that.

*I've been home from my trip to the Southern California desert for about 2 weeks now, so my allergies and sinus headaches are back in full force. You don't realize how bad you feel living in the mold and allergen center of the country until you visit someplace else and realize a lot of people don't live on Sudafed, Primatene, and aspirin each day. I guess there are drawbacks to living on the Left Coast, but even if an earthquake eventually killed me, at least I'd die with a dry handkerchief in my pocket!

*Is it baseball season yet? GO CARDS!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*It's Super Bowl weekend! If history is any guide, the half-time show will suck (as old as the Rolling Stones are, I half expect to see them come out on oxygen), the commercials will not be worth the $$$s spent on them, and one team will dominate the game from start to finish. Columnist George Will had the best observation: Once the Super Bowl is over, baseball Spring Training is just around the corner. Go Cards!!

*I'm getting a little more used to my new tablet computer. I only wish it was a little less bulky to lug around all day as I travel from one doctor's office to another. 4 1/2 pounds doesn't sound like a lot to carry, but when you add it to the weight of samples, my detail pieces, and all the clinical reprints I drag along, we're talking hefty. What I really need is one of those electric carts like people use at the supermarket. Especially if it has lights and a horn! Ahhh-ooooo-gaaa!!!

*I think I may be in trouble with the Man above. For several weeks now, my left foot swells up and gets awful sore after a day of walking on it. In my prayers, I've been asking that my foot be more like the other one. Problem is, now BOTH of my feet swell up and hurt. Either I'm not a very good spiritual communicator or God has a funny sense of humor!

*My company's national sales meeting was held in Palm Springs, California last week, and it was my first real trip to the desert. I think I could get used to the 70+ temps in the daytime, but it gets pretty cool at night. I'm guessing it gets toasty in the Summer, but that dry air (22% humidity compared to 1000% in St. Louis) sure did help my allergies. On the plane ride home, we had a layover in Dallas. By the time my group got back on the plane, we were all sneezing, coughing, and pretty much back to our normal, miserable selves. Welcome back to Middle America.

*The big debate here in the Gateway City lately has been the proposal to upgrade Highway 40. One of the suggested plans was to shut the entire roadway during repair, which would have pretty much paralyzed a big part of the metro area. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the new idea is to shut down one portion of the highway at a time. Whichever plan is finally approved, traffic will probably be a nightmare for a looonnggg time.

New Computers

The pharma company I work for just switched from a small, PDA-sized field computer to a much larger, and heavier, tablet manufactured by Fujitsu.
Before we received these new units, we were told how much faster they were, and how they'd make us more effective in the field. Now, on the second day we've used them, they're crashing faster than a Russian airliner.
They are also 4.5 lbs and not much smaller than a laptop, so you can't carry them in your pocket or hold them in one hand. Obviously, the genius at Home Office who bought this bill of goods never worked as a field rep.
I find myself longing for the glory days of paper receipts and no cell phones!

Bomba Osama!

It seems that the world's leading Islamofascist has been reading US opinion polls. Osama bin Laden is now offering the United States a "long-term truce" if only we'll stop dismembering Al Queda and wiping out his followers around the globe. Maybe the Predator drones that recently took out some of his murderous fellow travelers in Pakistan got a little too close to the madman himself. The only thing President Bush wants from Osama are his coordinates!

While Hillary Clinton insults black Americans on Martin Luther King Day, Ted Kennedy fights to preserve the right of women to have sex with men they wouldn't have a baby with, and Harry Belafonte throws in with Stalinist dictators in South America, US troops and our coalition partners are relentlessly hounding the terrorists who threaten Western civilization.

US Marines, Sailors, Airmen, and GIs are performing brilliantly against a sadistic enemy who wears no uniform, hides among, and murders, innocent men, women, and children, and believes in a fanatic ideology of hate and intolerance.

Sooner or later, Osama will be dragged from a rathole with a hole in his head or else be blasted to smithereens by a bomb smarter than he is. I can't wait to see the polls on that one!