A Fuelish Failure

I got the news today that the once-Mighty Merc is in need of a new fuel pump to the tune of hundreds of dollars. Since the pump is in the gas tank, beyond the reach of the average Do-It-Yourselfer, and not wanting to immolate myself like a Buddhist monk, I gave the dealer the go-ahead for the work. It was either that or push a 4000 lb behemoth around town, although the prospect for better mileage and some extensive exercise did hold a certain allure.
I suppose I shouldn't complain. It is a used (oops...previously enjoyed) car, and I did get a heck of a deal when I bought it almost two years ago. I just wish it hadn't happened on my vacation the day before my birthday.
Funny thing, my horoscope for that day said, "You will make an alliance that will elevate your position in life". Little did I know that meant riding in the cab of a mile-high tow truck!
Anyway, by this time tomorrow the Merc will be back in my possession and gobbling dinosaur juice at a prodigious rate. Wow, it'll be great to get back to normal.

FORD--Fixed Or Repaired Daily

Saturday, Mrs MercMan and I loaded up the Mighty Merc and headed to Grandma Gimlet's house where we were to have dinner, view Gimlet and Froggiegirl's wedding photos, and get an early start to my birthday celebration. FroggieGirl's friend and Maid of Honor, Melissa, was also joining us, so we were looking forward to a fun afternoon and evening, safely inside Grandma's house on a scorching St. Louis Summer day.
We stopped at QT just up the road from G'Ma's to pick up the early edition of the Sunday paper, and purchased some PowerBall tickets just for grins. Unfortunately, when we got back out to the Merc, it wouldn't start. It cranked like a champ, but it appears the fuel pump expired, leaving a full tank of gas with no where to go and no way to get there. We walked back to G'Ma's house, wrung out as much sweat as we could, and then I returned to the scene of the crime in the hope it might be a simple case of vapor lock. Ha Ha.
By then, Gimlet arrived in his car and we vainly tried to reset the fuel pump relay in between spirited bouts of profanity. Luckily, a tow truck pulled in to the station and we were able to get a tow the few blocks to Grandma Gimlet's house, where the not-so-mighty Merc now lies mortally wounded.
I guess it could have been worse. We could have been on the highway on a 95 degree day when the engine stalled, or it could have happened six weeks ago during Gimlet and FroggieGirl's wedding. Bummer. Then again, it could have not happened at all. Stupid Ford!! There, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I feel a whole lot better.
Tomorrow, the lump goes to the dealer for a proper diagnosis (I hope!) and a substantial bill. I hear GM's having a big sale on light trucks, and I've always liked the Toyota Tundra, so.................?

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

It's been a while since the last WRRW filled these pages, but that's to be expected when there are a whole lot of things goin' on:
-My son, the QT/computer/brew expert Gimlet, married the lovely, artistic, and talented FroggieGirl on Saturday, June 3 at St. Ann's Church in Normandy, Missouri. By the time our heads hit the pillows early Sunday morning following the special day and a night of partying, MercLady and I were just about unconscious. The recovery from our fatigued state took much longer than we had anticipated, but we expect to be back up to warp speed before the end of the decade.
-I've had a lot of job-related chores to accomplish in the last few weeks.
-I'm getting old and lazy (not to mention crotchety).
-There have been a whole bunch of sales on tools at Sears. Lowe's, Home Depot, etc, etc.
Anyway, now that things are getting back to normal, or what passes for normal these days, I hope to get the column out on a more regular schedule.

*I'm really getting to like my new Craftsman router table. Instead of trying to corral a handheld router spinning at several-thousand RPMs, I simply mount the tool in the bench and guide the wood through. No fuss, no muss (unless you count the choking cloud of dust), and the cut turns out perfect. Woodworking is rapidly becoming one of my passions. I used to collect albums, car parts, and books. Now I collect router bits. Does this mean I'll turn into one of those old guys who sits behind a table at a craft show hawking bookends and birdhouses?

*My son's BMW developed a couple of interesting "conditions" recently. First, the rear shock mount got tired of being part of Teutonic engineering and decided to strike out on its own. It appears it will take the Marshall Plan and a skilled welder named Gunterschmidt to put things back as they were.
Secondly, the engine now produces a tapping noise, sort of like sonar when it bounces off the hull of a U-Boat. Not sure if it's terminal or just annoying, but either way it's got to run a few Deutschmarks to diagnose and treat.
Maybe what really hurt the Germans in WWII was that they didn't buy vehicles from their allies the Japanese!

*MercLady and I are still looking for a Golden Retriever to live at our house. The perfect candidate will be house trained, able to chase off marauding cats and bunny rabbits with a single bound, and star in multi-million dollar movies/tv shows/commercials. Other than that, we're pretty flexible. Note to South County Bear: Are you sure we're supposed to train the dog and not the other way around? It just seems so much easier to let the dog train us. Besides, how much obedience can you expect from an animal when it knows you pick up its poop?

*In a story related to the latest BMW caper, Gimlet and FroggieGirl have a new car, a 2004 Honda Civic. The new ride has a lot of advantages over the product from the Black Forest:
-Hondas have a great reputation for reliability and longevity. I've heard that a Japanese soldier from World War II was recently found on Guadalcanal still driving his 1939 Accord. The windshield was cracked from the US Navy bombardment in 1942, and it needed an oil change, but that was it.
-It uses regular gas, not premium like the Bimmer, and Civics are pretty frugal when it comes to mileage. Man, the Germans lost the war when their Panzers ran of of gas during the Ardennes Offensive in 1944, and they STILL haven't learned their lesson!
-The less money spent at QT on gasoline means more cups of Rooster Booster! More Taquitos! More Hot Dogs! More ice cream sandwiches! This is definitely a win-win situation.

*I have a week's vacation starting today, and my birthday is tomorrow (I'm too much of a gentleman to tell my age, so let's just say I'm "mature"). Naturally, the weather this week will be appropriately hot as hades and as humid as Borneo during rainy season. I'll probably have to spend the entire time inside doing woodworking projects with all my new power and hand tools. As Homer Simpson says, "Woo Hoo!! I hit the jackpot!".

-Everybody have a great week, and be sure to check this space next weekend when I'll be near the end of my time off and in a really crummy mood!

Goldens Rule!!

In spite of the claims by some misguided Lab owners, this picture clearly shows why Goldens rule. What other dog is so beautiful, friendly, and loyal as this big old boy?
I know that owners of other breeds love their puppies and think they're the best, and that's OK. Just remember that when it comes down to a vote, only owners of Goldens can truly and objectively state, without reservation, that their pooch is definitely "Numero Uno"!!!
PS Cardinal's Superstar Albert Pujols is the proud owner of a Golden. Maybe that's the secret to his success: He's so happy that he can't help but succeed!

About the Wedding.......

On Saturday, June 3, Mrs MercMan and I had the very great honor of officially welcoming a new member to our family as our son Gimlet and his fiance' Froggiegirl were married at St. Ann's Church in Normandy, Missouri. I've held off on writing a post re the happy event in the hopes of taking the time to get it right.

The weather was beautiful, like the bride, and I couldn't help feeling a little envious of the newlyweds' start on their life together. It seems a long time ago that Mrs MercMan and I stood side by side in a church ceremony, promising to love, honor, and cherish each other forever. While I wouldn't exchange a moment of my life, I wouldn't complain about being a 20-something again instead of a middle-aged AARP candidate.

As Gimlet and Froggiegirl were standing at the altar, my mind replayed highlights from Gimlet's growing up, from his trip home from the hospital to his first day of kindergarten; from the day he got his driver's license to the day he moved into his own house to the day he and Froggiegirl thrilled Mrs. MercMan and I with the news of their engagement. As I sat there thinking, I wondered if Froggiegirl's father was reliving those same memories of his now grown-up daughter. I'm betting he was, and though one chapter of our lives was ending, another was just beginning.

The wedding brought together more than just the bride and groom. Two families also became one, and that family includes all the wonderful friends who came together at a special place and time to show their support and best wishes for the newlyweds. My fervent hope is that the blessings of that day carry on forever for Gimlet and Froggiegirl, and all those who helped make the day the best ever!

The Router Table Has Landed!

Regular readers of this site know of my love of tools. Hand tools, power tools, mechanic's tools, woodworking tools, you name it, I love it, especially if it's made-in-America-drop-forged-3horsepower-3000 rpm-heavy-duty-etc-etc-etc. Well, today I assembled my latest addition: A Craftsman Professional Series, laminate-top router bench.

I've had a router for a while, but the addition of the bench is just downright awesome! Whether you're rounding edges or cutting moulding, this thing rocks! Just set the bit height, adjust the fence, feed the stock from right to left and voila, perfect edge.

Of course, now I need an additional router to leave permanently mounted in the bench, plus about 100 new router bits for all the projects I've got in mind. Ahhhh....love means never having to say you have too many tools!

Memories in Pictures

I was going through old photo albums tonight, and I was struck by how much time had slipped away. There were pictures of my late brother in his khaki Army uniform, as well as shots of us together when I was just a kid and he was an almost-grown big brother. I also found shots of my two sisters and my Mom and Dad, all taken 40-50 years ago. Can it really be that far back?
There were pictures of me with different hairstyles, from crew cuts to long side burns. I don't think I ever had an Afro, but I did have "love" beads and bell-bottomed pants in the 1960s!
Then there were my and Mrs Merc Man's wedding pictures. Mrs looked hot, and although we were both 21, we sure looked like a couple of babes in the woods. I can't even remember being that young.
Of course, a lot of the pictures featured Gimlet (or as I call him, The Boy!), chronicling his march from childhood to (yipes!) teenager to adult. Our latest pictures of The Boy also feature FroggieGirl, which is as it should be, since very soon they'll declare before God, family, and friends that they are two hearts beating as one.
Here's wishing them lots of happy pictures in the album.

Transmission A-Go-Go!

Saturday, Gimlet and I attempted to diagnose an intermittent problem with Grandma Gimlet's '92 Olds Cutlass Ciera. While driving the car, it would sometimes behave as if it were struggling along in the wrong gear (it's an automatic). The car would shudder as you approached a stop, and would stall as soon as the car stopped moving. Then, after a few blocks of trying to give just enough gas to keep rolling without lugging the engine, things would smooth out and everything would be hunky-dory.
I suspected a problem with the lock-up torque converter, as Mrs Merc Man's '86 Cutlass Supreme suffered a similar malady earlier in its career. Still, I wasn't quite convinced GM would allow a chronic problem like this to go on for 6 model years without a fix.
Anyhoo, Gimlet and I headed out on a test drive, with Gimlet behind the wheel. I ran the passenger-side power window down for a little fresh air, then discovered that said window would not go back up. So far, our drive had not started out on a good note!
We drove for a long time, pausing only at the QT on Page to let the car heat soak and refresh ourselves before the next leg of our journey. After another 15-20 minutes of trouble-free cruising, we were just heading home when, all of a sudden, SHIMMY!, SHAKE!, SHUDDER!, the ol' car started doing its imitation of a belly dancer on speed! After several white-knuckle moments, we were finally able to limp the car home, at which time it proceeded to run just fine. Diagnosis: NEW CAR!!!!
Naw, just kidding, maybe. We're pretty sure it IS the lock-up converter, which we can disable by jacking up the car, putting it on stands, and unplugging its power source.
Now, about that passenger-side window..........

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

This edition of WRR&W is brought to you by the makers of power tools that can do serious damage in the hands of amateurs! Hey! At least I have my safety glasses on.

*Midwestern Girl's bridal shower went off without a hitch last Saturday. Even the weather, which included rain, wind, and falling trees, managed to stay away from the shower site. The haul included items from almost every category except tools, which explains why menfolk head for the hardware store while the shower is in progress!

*Alas, on Sunday, another NASCAR race was rained out. Instead of rescheduling the race for the next day, couldn't they just hold off 'til the next weekend and just add the races together? Can you imagine adding two 500-mile races and coming up with a thousand-miler? Wow, it would be like "Road Warrior" and "Death Race 2000" rolled into one.

*In case anyone is still wondering, I actually didn't cut off my thumb as shown in the picture with this column. Truth is, I lost that digit as a child in a tragic thumbsucking incident, and, no, I don't want to talk about it!

*By the way, do monkeys have thumbs on their feet?

*In spite of all their attempts at keeping their native culture intact, I think illegal aliens coming across the Southern US border are rapidly becoming Americans. I mean, they're not even working legally and they go on strike?! That's about as Teamster as it gets! This coming from a proud former member (in good standing, I might add) of Local 618.

*Cardinals' 1st baseman Albert Pujols had about the most amazing April ever. Something like 14 HRs, several game-winning hits, and outstanding fielding are merely padding Fat Albert's already amazing baseball resume'. I never thought another St. Louis player could approach Stan Musial's status in the Gateway City, but if Albert stays healthy, he'll get a good run at it.

*Celebremos Cinco de Mayo! Hasta la vista!

Zoot Tux!

This afternoon, I went to the store and got measured for a Tux for the wedding of Midwestern Girl and Gimlet. Everything went pretty smoothly, and I was finished in about 20 minutes. The suits the happy couple picked out look pretty cool, but I have to admit I was really hooked by the Zoot Tux they had on a poster near the fitting room!
It really is a 1940s-style Zoot Suit made into a tux, complete with the panama hat and two-tone black and white shoes. They even have the long chain hanging from the waist! I tell ya, I liked the thing so much I asked Mrs Merc Man if she'd marry me again just so I could rent the Zoot Tux!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

This week's WRR&W deals with the joys of worklife, and is dedicated to anyone who has ever had to work for someone else. It's not a job, it's an exercise in frustration.

*My first full-time job was as a commission salesperson at what was then the world's largest retailer. I sold atomotive parts and accessories, including batteries, engines, transmissions, air conditioners, brakes, etc, etc. It was actually a pretty good gig, and since commission rates in the early 1970s were very respectable, an average person like myself could make a nice living without having an advanced degree or a well-connected relative. By the 1980s, Kmart, and then Wal-Mart, had convinced a lot of shoppers that cheap junk was better than quality merchandise, and that having trained salespeople around to assist customers wasn't nearly as efficient as letting people fend for themselves. Besides, everyone loves to stand in a checkout line for 45 minutes to purchase a quart of oil, especially if they've saved 2 cents! Today, my former company teeters on the brink of insolvency while the junk stores of the world peddle ever more junky crap assembled by slave labor in some "worker's paradise" across the ocean. Now that's progress.

*My current 'career' is in pharmaceutical sales. I know, I know, everyone believes the drug companies are robbing the sick and the elderly with inflated prices while making enormous profits. It is true that some very popular prescription drugs are very expensive, but the industry is not in all that rosy a shape. There have been some major financial failures as medicines that were being developed didn't pan out as the companies had hoped. Bayer lost the cholesterol drug Baycol to recall, AstraZeneca had a couple of expected blockbusters fizzle, Merck is paying out hundreds-of-millions to settle claims against Vioxx, and the industry as a whole is suffering from an oversupply of sales reps, a scarcity of new meds in the pipeline, and a tarnished public image. If we ever end up with a government-run healthcare system, it will be lights out.

*That being said, life as a drug rep is pretty much like any other sales job. Customers don't want to see you, there's tremendous pressure put on reps to sell product at all costs, and on any given day, 20-30 other reps are trying to influence the same people you are. I figure it's sort of like being a leper. Every time you approach someone, they throw their hands up and yell, "Unclean, unclean!"

*Another fun aspect is the monthly ride-a-long with your manager. Several years ago, the day consisted of having your boss tag along for the day, compliment you on your successes, offer constructive suggestions, and buy you a nice lunch. Today, with the sheer number of competitors to contend with, reps are pushed to make more calls, be more assertive (Read: Jerk), and "move the numbers" by just about any means necessary. As a result, the ride-a-long has become deadly serious. Woe be to the poor slob who has a bad day or gets a lot of doors slammed in his/her face. And then, just as the outing is mercifully drawing to an end, you have to endure the dreaded 'Post-ride-along evaluation', or as we in the industry affectionately refer to it as "The reaming". One rep described his boss's assessment remarks as "Nice hair-you suck- nice shoes". Wow, I'd KILL for a great e-val like that!

*The poor image the drug industry endures also means LOTS of people sitting in doctor's offices get a shot at us while we're waiting with them in the lobby. Most folks are very nice, but I regularly get dirty looks, and some people are bold enough to insult you to your face. The fact that we supply them with thousands of dollars of free medicine doesn't mollify these critics, and since we dress professionally and drive new cars, we stick out like the proverbial sore thumb. Of cousre, it could be worse. I could be a pump jockey at a gas station. With $3-a-gallon prices, it's probably a safety measure that very few stations have employees out at the point of sale.

*After all my crabbing, I wanted to end this week's column on a lighter note. There are plenty of people out there with worse jobs than mine: English teacher in France, judge in Baghdad, Cher's plastic surgeon, the list goes on and on. The utter inanity of work was probably best summed up by Will Farrell the other day when he reminded his audience that we celebrate Labor Day by NOT working. I really think he's got something there! See ya next week!!

Loft City?

I hosted a dinner program last night at a trendy restaurant on Washington Avenue in downtown St. Louis. It was a pretty cool place, with a extensive wine list (What, no Mad Dog?), and a decor full of wood panelling and subdued lighting that made for a very intimate environment.
I parked in a garage a block or so away, and as I walked down the street, what struck me was the sheer number of older buildings that are being converted to lofts. Some of the developments are advertising roof-top pools, private parking, and prices in the multiple hundreds-of-thousands of dollars. All I kept thinking was, "Who lives in all these places and what do they do for a living?"
The other things that nag at me are why people want to live in a part of town with no neighborhood grocery stores, very few family-friendly venues nearby, the threat of urban street crime, and the possibility that your investment may not pay off in the long run. Then again, maybe I've just lived in the suburbs too long.
I don't blame the city, or developers, for promoting a product that brings much needed revenue to St. Louis. I just wonder about the long-term viability of this trend.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*NBCs weekly news magazine, Dateline, ventured to NASCAR races recently. Not to film the action on the track, mind you, but to try and catch fans in the act of dissing Arab-looking spectators. The network had photographers follow two Middle Eastern-looking men in the belief that all those southern Rednecks just couldn't pass up the chance to harass helpless Muslims when they outnumbered the helpless 150,000 to 2.
To Dateline's dismay, the two men were not mistreated by anyone, and were able to wander around like any other fan on race day. As Jimmie Johnson, driver of the #48 Lowe's Monte Carlo put it, "I'm proud of our sport. Now, if those men had been wearing Jeff Gordon t-shirts and started jawing at Dale Earnhardt, Jr fans, there would probably have been a fight". Fortunately, NBCs minions didn't know enough about stock car racing to figure that out.

*The St. Louis Cardinals began the 2006 baseball season on a high note, sweeping the 3-game set with the Phillies before losing to Greg Maddux and the Cubs. The Cubs? Oh, the pain of it all!

*Mrs Merc Man and I have been trying to figure out all the nuances of our new iMac computer. Having exclusively used Windows-based PCs to this point, I can't get used to the lack of blue screens and "illegal operations" shutdowns.

*As regular vistors already know, I've been trying to learn woodworking skills. Well, mostly I've been BUYING a lot of woodworking tools, most of them powered. I'm beginning to get the hang of using a router, and once I have the complete $500,000 set of router bits available, I'll be good to go. I also need about half the world's lumber supplies, but that's another story and another small fortune.

*This Spring has had a typical Midwest beginning, with snow, wind, and rain storms that suddenly morph into tornadoes, complete with hail, gale-force blasts, and torrential downpours. I still haven't answered one basic question: Why in the world did our ancestors decide to stop here on their journey for a new life? Was it like, really nice that year?

Never Underestimate the Arrogance of Politicians

I love the story about Democratic Representative Cynthia McKinney and her assault of a US Capitol security officer. McKinney's actions don't surprise me since she's been involved in acts of sheer stupidity for a long time now. What really gets me is that members of Congress don't have to go through routine screenings like the rest of America. Politicians apparently see themselves as better than the rest of us schlubs who basically get strip-searched each time we go to an airport, courthouse, or even some high schools!
A few weeks ago, I attended jury duty at the County Courthouse in Clayton. Even though all the prospective jurors went through an initial screening and were given ID badges, we had to submit to another screening anytime we left the building. Nobody complained, even when we were standing there in our boxers wondering why we still made the detectors beep.
I think every member of Congress should face the same humiliation, except for Ted Kennedy. He should also take a Breathalyzer test before they let him in the building.

New Computer--Take THAT Bill Gates!!!

With the help of my son, Gimlet the All Computerizing, we purchased a new iMac Computer for the Merc Man household. We chose the Apple because of its great graphics and easy to use features, but mostly because we hate MicroSoft. The setup is a little diferent than Mrs Merc Man and I are used to, but with time we should be able to utilize all the software without too much headache.
I especially like iTunes, and I'm hoping to learn more about GarageBand and iPhoto in the near future. For now, we're ecstatic to have a machine that doesn't crash everytime we sneeze.
My only fear is that we'll be visited by Bill Gates, which is what happened to Homer Simpson when he tried to start his own Internet Provider. Gates "bought Homer out" by having a couple of his goons smash everything in the Simpson's house! Fortunately, I have the promise of a Internet Swat Team, known as the 'Linnux Commandos', that they will come to my rescue if Gates launches an assault!

Apple Tree Massacre

Following Thursday night's thunderstorms, I awoke to find wind damage to the apple tree in our backyard. Being a dutiful homeowner with a vacation day on his hands, I decided to go out, save the tree, and "clean up" the overgrowth of limbs.
A couple hours later I had a HUGE stack of branches, busted limbs, and sawdust on the ground, and a skeleton of an apple tree still standing. Every time I cut out a broken branch, I'd find two more with splits, squirrel-inflicted bark damage, or gall. Somehow, the finished product didn't come out like the trees on 'Victory Garden' do.
Come this Summer, I'll have lots of adversaries looking for revenge since the birds, squirrels, rabbits, and wasps all loved the sweet apples that filled the once-numerous branches and sometimes fell to the ground. The biggest problem with lumber is that once you saw something off, it's pretty much impossible to put it back together.
I wonder what you can build with wood from an apple tree?

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*I see the news media have decided that: 1) The Iraq war is lost and the American people's support for the liberation of Iraq is "dwindling". No mention of the fact that the drive-by press has spent the last three years trying its best to undermine our efforts by spending all its time on alleged mistreatment of terrorists, our supposed low standing with the rest of the world, and how Arabs couldn't possibly maintain a democracy. No facts, just brag. 2) Hollywood knows more about how to fight terrorism than the experts in the military and our intelligence services. We've had to endure everything from Michael Moore's celluloid lies about President Bush, VP Dick Cheney, and the "neocons" (code word for Jews) in the Administration, to hearing Charlie Sheen's looney conspiracy theories re 9/11. This moron actually believes the Trade Center Towers were actually collapsed by a controlled explosion, and that the jets that crashed into the towers were not commercial airliners! Maybe something he picked up from Heidi Fleiss' ate the good parts of his brain. 3) Our military is made up of low-rent dropouts who couldn't get a job in the real world. This one is right out of the 1960s, when anti-war lefties claimed that only poor blacks fought and died in Vietnam. When the actual statistics from the military are examined, it shows a balanced mix of the population served, in proportions that accurately reflect the make-up of our nation. 4) Even though Dan Rather's "Guardgate" scandal of President Bush's military service was proven to be built on faked documents, Blather continues to insist the story is true, and his buds in the press continue to cover for him. Maybe they were ALL customers of Heidi Fleiss!

*A combined force of British, Iraqi, and US soldiers rescued a group of peace activists in Baghdad after obtaining information from a captured insurgent (Gee, I hope they didn't violate his rights. After all, aren't murderous thugs entitled to all the legal protections those thousands of Americans who were incinerated on 9/11 received? Oh wait, that's right, they were executed without due process!). In an ironic twist, the pacifists couldn't bring themselves to thank their liberators, instead expressing gratitude to Muslims who had called for their release. Too bad that didn't work for Danny Pearl.

*Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a run at the presidency in 2008. Just what the Democratic Party needs, Michael Dukakis in a dress! Bill felt our pain, Hillary just is a pain!

*Senator Russ Feingold wants to censure the President over the electronic surveillence controversy. I hope so. I can't wait to see politicians vote on a document that sanctions the President for protecting America from Al Queda terrorists. I think ol' Russ is gonna find himself mighty lonely when that poll is taken. As dumb as Republicans are, you just can't top Democrats when it comes to making jackasses of themselves.

*Let's end this week's diatribe on an up note. Here's to all the men and women of the United States military who sacrifice so much while the rest of us live the good life at home. While we're watching sat TV, going to ball games, and buying Hotzi's at QT, they're laying their lives on the line for us. Maybe someday they'll get the recognition they deserve, but I'm not sure we could ever adequately express it. God Bless America!

Justice Isn't Blind, Just Tired and Hungry!

I reported for jury duty on Monday at the St. Louis County Courthouse in Clayton, Missouri. Along with about 150 other Countians, I presented my summons, got my ID badge, and steeled myself for the bailiff's call that never came. Actually, the bailiff did come in once and call out about 25 names, but yours truly was not one of the chosen.
The rest of the day was spent reading a novel, getting up and walking around, commiserating with my fellow juror wannabe's, and buying snacks from the vending machines (I never knew I could eat that many peanut-butter crackers in the course of 8 hours). We did get to leave the jury assembly room for lunch, and in spite of the cold weather and blustery wind, I managed to waddle down to a little eatery on Bemiston called "The Market Bistro", where I got the best Taco salad I'd ever eaten.
Unfortunately, when I got back to the courthouse, I kept tripping the metal detector until I was about down to just my boxers and a smile before the damn thing stopped going "Bing!" every time I stepped through it. I made it back to the juror's room with time to spare, but it was touch and go for a while.
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, to the point that when they finally released us at 4 p.m. we had to wake some of our fellows up so they could vacate the building before lockdown.
All in all, I'm glad I got the experience, but as long as I was there, it would have been nice to at least be interviewed for a case. Oh well, at least I made $10 for the day. Of course, I spent $15 dollars on lunch and junk food. Who says Justice is blind? Obviously, it's tired and hungry!

Trim Saw

I was at Sears at Mid Rivers Mall yesterday, cruising the hardware department while Mrs Merc Man and Grandma Gimlet searched the stores for bargains. I had won a AMEX gift card at my company's sales meeting, and I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my good fortune than by puchasing a new power tool. After much contemplation and drooling, I settled on a cordless, 19.2 -volt, 5 1/2-inch, Craftsman trim saw. Sweet! It runs up to 4500 rpm (no load speed) and is the perfect size for cutting molding, trim, etc, without the weight and hassle of a bigger, corded saw.
Only problem is, while searching for the perfect addition to my tool collection, I spied about 43 other must-have items that I don't currently own. To keep myself from becoming too despondent over that issue, I stopped at Borders to look around and stumbled on a CD of Marty Robbins' named "Gunfighter Ballads" that replaces an old LP I wore out after repeated playings. It is probably the best collection of cowboy-type songs ever, and was originally recorded in 1959.
Alas, Mrs Man and Grandma G came back empty handed. As for me, it was one of the best shopping experiences ever.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

This week's WRR&W will use a slightly different, and goofier, format. Mostly, it will involve my asking a lot of questions that may or may not have answers. Here goes:

*Do you think Master Carpenter and host of "New Yankee Workshop" Norm Abrams ever sneaks into his workshop late at night, turns on all the bazillions of power tools there and starts ripping, sawing, and shaping wood without wearing safety glasses or hearing protection while buzzed on Sam Adams beer?

*How come every social problem can only be corrected by spending more money on it? Do you think we'll ever hear a public official or school administrator say that more money won't change a thing?

*Why hasn't evolution created a bird smart enough not to fly into windows or build its nest in a rain gutter?

*Will the new Busch Stadium be a hitter's or a pitcher's ballpark? Will I need a cosignor to afford a beer and bratwurst at the new park? How long before "new" Busch becomes just "Busch"? Who will hit the first homer in the new stadium? (Hope it's not a Cub or a Met--yechhh!)

*Isn't it ironic that a virus that attacks birds is called "flu"?

*Did Hitler have anybody check the reliability records of vehicles built in Germany
before embarking on world conquest?

*Who will the St. Louis Rams play in the Super Bowl?

*Who gives a rats patootie for any more silly questions?

Peace Out!

Oi! What a Week I'm Having!

I tell ya, this just isn't my week. I was all set to host a roundtable discussion involving several of the most important doctors in my territory Tuesday night at a trendy wine bar on Washington Avenue. I had been working on this program since last November. Everything was on track until Monday night when one doctor's son became quite ill. After about two dozen frantic phone calls, I managed to cancel the program until the young man gets better. By then my ulcer was going full bore and my head was thumping. The way my luck's been going lately, the young patient is probably lucky I'm not getting close enough to his Dad to jinx his recovery!

Today, I went to discuss another possible program with a physician who has a large number of home-care patients. Problem is, this doctor's first language isn't English and it is sometimes difficult to understand him, especially when he's excited. Did I mention he's almost always hyper? I waited over an hour to see him, and then got stuck trying to figure out what the heck he was saying for another hour. By the time I left his office, my head was spinning, my gut was churning, and I was dreaming of a nice quiet job guarding plutonium in Siberia! His office is in South St. Louis, so I got the added joy of trying to get past the Hwy 40/I-170 exchange in a downpour without being T-Boned by a hydro-planing semi. Ahhh..the glamorous life of a drug rep. I wonder if they have drug reps in Siberia?

Strangely enough, a few weeks ago my horoscope (Sign: Cancer) said I was coming out of a low period and heading toward a real high spot. Great!!! Maybe I can throw myself off. Question: What moron decided to give July the crab as its astrological sign? It's like all the good signs had already been claimed and July got bottom of the barrel! Why couldn't my sign have been something cool like a shark, an eagle, or even a freakin' unicorn? Anything but a crab!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*Bought a new TV on President's Day in honor of President Sony. It's a 24-inch flat screen to replace an ancient 19-inch Sears that was made sometime during the first term of Ronald Reagan. All we have so far are rabbit ears, so until we either get cable or sat TV, we aren't quite sure of just how good the picture is on our new set.

*I also received the videos I ordered from the New Yankee Workshop re building a home library system and a garden bench. Now all I need is a 2500-square-foot workshop and the million dollars in power tools it will take to equip it. Somewhere on the East Coast, Norm Abrams is laughing all the way to the bank!

*Jimmy Johnson won the 2006 Daytona 500 amid allegations that his suspended crew chief is a cheat. The #48 Lowe's Monte Carlo has been a consistent contender over the last 3 seasons, and some people are concerned that unfair advantage has played a major role in the team's success. You'll notice that my man Tony Stewart (the #20 Home Depot car) has not been tainted by such charges. Tony is so busy mixing it up with other cars/drivers both on and off the track he doesn't have time to resort to illegal tactics!

*Tomorrow I'll be attending a birthday party for a 12-year-old black labrador retriever named Velvet. I know that sounds a little cornball, but this dog is so well trained and so good-hearted she trumps about 90% of the people I come in contact with each day. As a good friend of mine once said, "The more I deal with people, the better I like dogs!".

*The United States has killed another high-ranking Al Queda officer. No muss, no fuss, no arguing over how to treat prisoners. It sounds like a few well-placed shots or Hellfire missiles is the answer to all our legal wranglings!

*The United States Olympic Team has had a tough go in Turin. It got especially embarassing in the bobsled competition when officials found the NASCAR-designed American sled was running a hidden tank full of moonshine. I think having the name "White Lightning" on the sleigh wasn't
the smartest move. The rebel flag didn't help either!

Blind Justice...Literally!!!

I received a letter in the mail the other day from St. Louis County inviting me, under penalty of law, to participate in the application of justice known as jury duty. It's only for a couple of days unless I actually end up on a case that carries on longer than that. Apparently, the odds of that happening are pretty slim, but it would be an interesting experience. To prepare, I've been reading "12 Angry Men" by Arthur Miller, and "I, Jury" by Mickey Spillane, plus watching all the Simpsons episodes starring Lionel Huts and the Seinfeld shows featuring Jackie Chiles!
Order In The Court!! Here Come 'da Judge!

Just Send Us Your Coordinates!

Osama bin Laden says he will not be taken alive, and we would be more than happy to oblige!
BOMBS AWAY!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*Democrats are calling for Vice President Dick Cheney to resign after being involved in a hunting accident last week. Republican charges of a double standard went unheeded after Mary Jo Kopechne could not be reached for comment.

*Olympic skater Michelle Kwan pulled out of the Winter Games in Turin, Italy after reinjuring herself in practice. She's taken a fair amount of heat from fans who feel she should have stepped aside earlier during Olympic Trials. I guess the fact that the Games come only once every four years puts a lot of pressure on world-class athletes to compete while still in their prime.

*US downhill skier Bode Miller fell short of his boasts to dominate events in Italy. Known for his "unorthodox" training regimen which includes a heapin' helpin' of partying, Miller got crossed up on the slopes when he couldn't figure out which course was the real one and which were part of his hangover! In another event, Miller crashed into a gate and ran off the course. Maybe he should keep quiet for a while.

*A big round of applause for American speed skater Shani Davis, who becomes the first black man to win a gold medal in the Winter Games. Davis had been criticized mildly for not participating in an earlier team event, but explained he was afraid the extra competition would weaken him in the 1000 meters. Looks like his strategy paid off as Americans finished 1-2 in the event!

*In the "Agony of Defeat" category, US women's snowboarder Lindsay Jacobellis was way ahead of the second-place Swiss boarder in the Women's Snowboardcross. When she tried to pull a fancy finish to seal her victory, she tripped and fell, handing the gold to her opponent. Jacobellis was able to get back up to gain a silver medal, but her greatest claim to fame will be the mistake that kept her off the top step of the award podium. I wonder if she'll replace the crashing ski jumper in the opening shot of ABCs 'Wide World of Sports'?

*Former President Bill Clinton is traveling the Middle East. Rumor has it Mr Clinton had to ask the State Department to defuse a potential international crisis when he was caught with a bag of pork rinds and a dog-eared copy of Penthouse Letters while in Saudi Arabia. The situation became even more inflamed when it was discovered he had purchasef the items in Denmark!

*My son celebrated his 29th birthday this week in true adult fashion: He worked, fought through an upper respiratory thingy, and put up with his parents' phone calls. Our birthday wish for him is to never check the oil in his car after hearing a noise and have the tech say, "I can't read anything on the dipstick!", always find sufficient cash in his wallet when at a restaurant, have a career so successful he'll get to see a lot of his bosses be fired, and, finally, not put his parents in a home featured on 60 Minutes when the senility really kicks in!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*Congrats to the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers for their Super Bowl victory over the Seattle Seahawks. With all the sloppy play, bad officiating, and poor game-time management, it looked more like a high-school JV contest, but I'm sure Steelers Coach Bill Cower and the rest of Steeleville will take a win no matter how it happens.

*The lady who is my territory partner in the pharmaceutical rep business got quite a scare this week. Her 20-month-old son had a severe allergic reaction to peanuts while at the babysitters, and had to be rushed to the hospital! Apparently, the little guy was enjoying some breakfast cereal that contained peanuts when he suddenly started swelling up like a balloon. Since this was the first incidence, nobody knew what the heck was going on. Luckily, the babysitter was quick to get help and what could have been a tragedy was averted with no permanent damage, except to the nerves of my friend, her husband, and one very shaken babysitter. Add to the mix that my colleague is also 7 months pregnant, and it's really a blessing that nothing else happened! The toughest thing is that the little boy will have to avoid any contact with peanuts from now on, and from what the dietician told my partner, a lot of things you'd never suspect can be dangerous for him to eat or even be around.

*Why is it you don't hear about people being allergic to carrots, or saurkraut, or broccoli? Wouldn't it be great to hear your doctor say, "I'm recommending that you restrict your diet to pizza, ice cream, and White Castles, all complimented by large quantities of adult beverages"?

*My wife and I are in the process of picking out a new PC to replace the stone-age model we presently curse and kick every day. Since I'm basically computer ignorant, this has become a rather hilarious venture. I scan the ads each week, and visit the different suppliers' websites in search of the Holy Grail. I usually discriminate by price since perusing the technical specifications is like reading hieroglyphics! As if the basic packages aren't hard enough for me to follow, there are always dozens of 'upgrades' offered, like built-in cameras, or laser framistats. Maybe Dell, eMachines, or one of the other computer companies could come up with a basic, one-price-for-the-whole-mess PC just for the techno-impaired web surfer. They could call it the 'Dumbass Special' or something like that.

*I've been home from my trip to the Southern California desert for about 2 weeks now, so my allergies and sinus headaches are back in full force. You don't realize how bad you feel living in the mold and allergen center of the country until you visit someplace else and realize a lot of people don't live on Sudafed, Primatene, and aspirin each day. I guess there are drawbacks to living on the Left Coast, but even if an earthquake eventually killed me, at least I'd die with a dry handkerchief in my pocket!

*Is it baseball season yet? GO CARDS!!!!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*It's Super Bowl weekend! If history is any guide, the half-time show will suck (as old as the Rolling Stones are, I half expect to see them come out on oxygen), the commercials will not be worth the $$$s spent on them, and one team will dominate the game from start to finish. Columnist George Will had the best observation: Once the Super Bowl is over, baseball Spring Training is just around the corner. Go Cards!!

*I'm getting a little more used to my new tablet computer. I only wish it was a little less bulky to lug around all day as I travel from one doctor's office to another. 4 1/2 pounds doesn't sound like a lot to carry, but when you add it to the weight of samples, my detail pieces, and all the clinical reprints I drag along, we're talking hefty. What I really need is one of those electric carts like people use at the supermarket. Especially if it has lights and a horn! Ahhh-ooooo-gaaa!!!

*I think I may be in trouble with the Man above. For several weeks now, my left foot swells up and gets awful sore after a day of walking on it. In my prayers, I've been asking that my foot be more like the other one. Problem is, now BOTH of my feet swell up and hurt. Either I'm not a very good spiritual communicator or God has a funny sense of humor!

*My company's national sales meeting was held in Palm Springs, California last week, and it was my first real trip to the desert. I think I could get used to the 70+ temps in the daytime, but it gets pretty cool at night. I'm guessing it gets toasty in the Summer, but that dry air (22% humidity compared to 1000% in St. Louis) sure did help my allergies. On the plane ride home, we had a layover in Dallas. By the time my group got back on the plane, we were all sneezing, coughing, and pretty much back to our normal, miserable selves. Welcome back to Middle America.

*The big debate here in the Gateway City lately has been the proposal to upgrade Highway 40. One of the suggested plans was to shut the entire roadway during repair, which would have pretty much paralyzed a big part of the metro area. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the new idea is to shut down one portion of the highway at a time. Whichever plan is finally approved, traffic will probably be a nightmare for a looonnggg time.

New Computers

The pharma company I work for just switched from a small, PDA-sized field computer to a much larger, and heavier, tablet manufactured by Fujitsu.
Before we received these new units, we were told how much faster they were, and how they'd make us more effective in the field. Now, on the second day we've used them, they're crashing faster than a Russian airliner.
They are also 4.5 lbs and not much smaller than a laptop, so you can't carry them in your pocket or hold them in one hand. Obviously, the genius at Home Office who bought this bill of goods never worked as a field rep.
I find myself longing for the glory days of paper receipts and no cell phones!

Bomba Osama!

It seems that the world's leading Islamofascist has been reading US opinion polls. Osama bin Laden is now offering the United States a "long-term truce" if only we'll stop dismembering Al Queda and wiping out his followers around the globe. Maybe the Predator drones that recently took out some of his murderous fellow travelers in Pakistan got a little too close to the madman himself. The only thing President Bush wants from Osama are his coordinates!

While Hillary Clinton insults black Americans on Martin Luther King Day, Ted Kennedy fights to preserve the right of women to have sex with men they wouldn't have a baby with, and Harry Belafonte throws in with Stalinist dictators in South America, US troops and our coalition partners are relentlessly hounding the terrorists who threaten Western civilization.

US Marines, Sailors, Airmen, and GIs are performing brilliantly against a sadistic enemy who wears no uniform, hides among, and murders, innocent men, women, and children, and believes in a fanatic ideology of hate and intolerance.

Sooner or later, Osama will be dragged from a rathole with a hole in his head or else be blasted to smithereens by a bomb smarter than he is. I can't wait to see the polls on that one!

March of the Penguins

For Christmas, my son and his fiancee gave my wife a copy of the movie, 'March of the Penguins'. After watching it, I have to say it is one of the most remarkable films I have seen in my 50+ years on Spaceship Earth.
It's the story of how the Emperor Penguin travels by land to a breeding ground some 70 miles from the sea to hatch the next generation of sea birds. This remarkable journey takes place during Winter in the most hostile environment on earth, where temperatures can fall to minus 100 degrees and storms may produce winds of up to 100 miles per hour! Mother and Father share the parenting chores, which include balancing the fragile egg on their feet to prevent the chick from freezing in the terrible Antarctic cold. Males go months without food, and may lose up to half their body weight.
The only thing these animals have to protect themselves from the bitter cold is their combined mass as they huddle together. The scenes of these poor creatures enduring howling winds is awesome, and their honking cries seem out of the dawn of time. All this drama takes place far from human eyes, except for some truly brave, and crazy, French filmakers who endured the weather to tell the Emperor Penguins' story of survival despite the odds.
This is one of those movies that leaves you speechless at its conclusion, and the images have stayed with me. I would recommend this movie to everyone: young and old, nature lover or not, spiritual or atheist. It's just too magnificent a story to miss.

Runaway Router

I got a new Craftsman 'Professional Series' router for Christmas, and so far it's been the toughest of my power tools to master. The router bit (the part that actually cuts the wood) spins at around 3000 rpm, so when it comes in contact with wood, it wants to take off like an out-of-balance washing machine walking across the basement floor!
Most of the woodworking magazines recommend using a jig (basically a guide made from strips of scrap wood) to keep the errant tool from taking off on its own, and that looks like the way I'll have to go. No wonder those magazines spend more time and effort on showcasing all kinds of jigs than they do completing the actual project.
By the way, routers really throw wood chips and sawdust, so like Norm Abrams says, "There are no more important safety equipment than these---safety glasses!

Merry Christmas! Now, Out of my way or I'll stomp you!!!

We took down the tree today, and the outside lights were removed yesterday (Sunday). All in all, it was a good holiday season, even if it did go by way too fast. Having 9 days break was awesome, and getting extra time to spend with family really contrasts with the days I spent in retail where you were lucky if you got Christmas Day off!
Seeing the day-after-Christmas footage of shoppers shoving, slugging, and trampling their way through the stores and malls really brought back memories--most of them painful. It's sobering to see normally(?) rational(?)(?)people turn into Russell Crowe with a telephone when somebody dangles a piece of half-price Chinese electronics in front of them. In my day, I've seen people fight over Cabbage Patch dolls, Atari Pac Man cartridges, and complimentary donuts (seeing a group of senior citizens knock each other down for a jelly roll was definitely the highlight of my retail career!).

Kicking Off the New Year

Had a really weird beginning to the New Year at work. The pharma company I work for shut down for the week between Christmas and New Year's. So far, so good. Either through a home-office mess up or miscalculation, they had us back to work today (Monday, January 2), even though it's actually the legal holiday. Every doctor's office I contacted was closed, which makes it hard to sell product when there's nobody there! The one upside to the entire day was the fact that parking was not a problem. Like the old adage says, when the world hands you lemons, you better have salt and tequila on hand!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

Thought I'd use this week's spot to wish everyone a Happy and Prosperous New Year, and list my resolutions for 2006.

*With Tom and Jenny's wedding coming up in June, I resolve to lose weight and get in better shape before the big day. Besides the health issue, it would sure feel nice to buy new clothes that are smaller than my current selection! Besides, people are starting to catch on that I'm NOT an offensive tackle for the St. Louis Rams.

*I have been promising to restore my wife's beloved 1986 Olds Cutlass for a few year's now, so I resolve to "git 'er done" (with apologies to Larry the cable guy) in 2006. Does anyone have a spare Olds 403-cubic inch V8 laying around? Preferably from a late 70s/early 80s Pontiac Trans Am. If you also have a set of 15'' Olds Rally Wheels, even better!

*2006 has to be the year for a real, away-from-home vacation. It doesn't have to be exotic, maybe Williamsburg, Monticello, Santa Fe, or even Chicago or Atlanta (would really like to see the new Atlanta Aquarium or the Shedd in Chi-town!) How cool would it be to go to a Cards-Cubs game at Wrigley, catch a home run ball from Albert, and then refuse to throw it back onto the field?

*I always wanted to take part in a Highland Games-type competition. I believe there's a Saint Andrew's Society in St. Louis where one can get more info. Throwing a telephone pole around just sounds like a lot of fun. If my bad knees hold out, I'd really like to try. Aye, Laddie!

*I resolve not to cry like a baby in the emergency room after blowing out my knee, back, shoulder, etc, etc after taking part in above-mentioned games!

*I resolve to get my cholesterol, glucose, and blood pressure checked by my doctor, and actually follow her instructions if they're out of spec. Since I'm a drug rep and sell cholesterol and BP meds, it seems a little disingenuous to ask others to do what I won't do myself. Besides, I can probably become my own best sales tool!

*2006 will be the year I catch up with the rest of the world in technology. Out goes the ancient tv and pre-Deluvian home PC, in comes HDTV and a computer that can do more than play Solitaire. I've heard it's now possible to go more than 20 minutes without a memory dump, blue screen of death, or a lockup! Who'da thought?!

When, exactly, did Hell freeze over?

In the last two days, I have fixed the non-working gas lamp in my front yard, insulated the perimeter of my basement with fiberglass batts, cut out dead limbs from the apple and gum trees in our backyard, repaired a broken latch on the back storm door, and fixed a slow-running drain in the kitchen sink. All without falling off a ladder, being smacked with a tree limb the size of Montana, slicing off some fingers with a razor knife, or breaking a pipe inside a wall! With all this work and no disaster, I'm certain Hell has to have frozen over. I mean, I've used up nine lives worth of good luck in a two-day span. I haven't checked my astrological chart, but maybe my house, the planets, and all the other space junk out there are in some kind of once-in-a-millenium alignment (that would explain the White Sox winning the World Series, and Garth Brooks being in those Wal-Mart commercials).
Just to play it safe, I'm sitting in front of the computer with an aluminum foil hat on my head, a 4-leaf clover in my hand, and a St Christopher medal around my neck. These days, ya just can't be too careful!

Mmmmm.......Power Tools!!!

Over the last few months, I've accumulated a lot of new power tools. To wit, a 10-inch table saw, compound power miter saw, reciprocating saw, and now a combination fixed/plunge router (all Crafstman, of course). With my company's shutdown for the holidays, I've had the time to actually play around with them, and they are even more fun than I had previously thought. Using a 3000-rpm power saw to rip lumber is a feast for the male ego and an assault on said male's hearing (note--next time wear hearing protectors! PS to Jenny--I did remember my safety glasses a la' Norm Abrams).
The only limitations I still face are paying for quality wood and the cost of router bits. Apparently, there are 50 million router bits on the market, and you have to have every one to be a real woodworker. High-quality lumber is so expensive I'm going to take up part-time lumberjacking to secure wood at a reasonable price (look out, Earth-Firsters!)
I guess it could be worse. I could be into golf and spend all my money on bright yellow pants and tweed socks!

White Christmas

I woke up about 4 a.m. on Christmas morn 2005 to a bedroom lit up like the airport. During the night, the rain from Christmas Eve had changed over to snow, and there was enough of the white stuff to cover the ground and reflect the ten-thousand Xmas lights on our street. It was the perfect snowstorm--just enough to blanket the grassy areas without turning the sidewalks, driveways, and streets into a skating rink.
It reminded me of the year my wife and son and I went looking for the proper Christmas Tree on a snowy weekday evening. We sorted through the rows of potential purchases as Bing Crosby crooned "White Christmas" through speakers strung above the tree lot. The specimen we picked out was covered with snow, at least until I hoisted it up to load in the bed of my truck. At that moment, I got my first taste of what an avalanche feels like. As we drove home, with the now melting snowpile on my head running down my neck and soaking my t-shirt, I realized why people move to warmer climes!
Not every St. Louis Winter is cold. One Christmas Eve, we enjoyed lunch at Red Lobster, saw the movie "E.T." and then returned home to open presents on a balmy 70-degree evening.
On the flip side, in 1983 it was below zero every day for a week, and we had to thaw our tree before we could get the branches to relax so we could add lights and ornaments.
I wonder how hard it is to string lights on a palm tree?

Merry Christmas!!!

Here's hoping that everyone in the blogosphere has a very Merrry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, and a prosperous New Year. As a public service, here are a few hints to make your holiday season a memorable one:

--When leaving snacks for Santa, shy away from the traditional glass of milk. Doctors at North Pole Regional Medical Center report that the Jolly Old Elf's cholesterol is "through the roof", and suggest herbal tea or diet Dr Pepper as a more appropriate beverage for a hundred-something senior with a body-mass-index in the high 30s.

--Mrs Claus asks that homeowners disable their cable/satellite tv boxes so Santa won't be distracted on his big night. She recounted a harrowing tale from a few years back when a suburban Chicago man inadvertantly left the Playboy Channel on the tube and Father Christmas came home four times that evening to badger his harried bride for "holiday cheer"! Needless to say, he almost didn't finish all his deliveries due to the time-consuming tomfoolery.

--Make sure that everyone in the house knows whether the Christmas Tree is real or artificial. Forgetting to water a real tree, or watering a fake, can have disastrous consequences, especially if the artificial tree has built-in electronics.

--Drink holiday spirits in moderation. Remember that different brands of egg-nog can have varying amounts of egg and nog. Christmas morning is a lot more enjoyable if your head is NOT suspended above a toilet bowl or stuck in a lampshade!

--Don't forget pets in your holiday planning. Santa still has scars from attacks by unmuzzled pit bulls and free-ranging chinchillas. Maybe it's the red suit, but the old guy really seems to set off the wildlife.

--Finally, don't give away every dollar you've earned during the holdays. That's what April 15 is for! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!

Santa Claus a High-Tech Spy?

Reliable news sources are reporting that the Bush Administration secretly recruited Pere Noel to assist the US government in spying on suspected terrorists following the September 11 attacks. A spokesperson for Jolly Old Saint Nick confirmed Santa was cooperating with federal authorities, but insisted he had only turned over the "naughty" list to authorities. In a related development characterized as "chilling" by civil libertarians, the FBI announced it would vigorously pursue those individuals receiving lumps of coal this holiday season.

Patriot Act Stalled

Senate Democrats, aided and abetted by RINOs (Republicans-In-Name-Only) have voted against extending the Patriot Act. Fearful that President George W. Bush may actually be succeeding at fighting terrorists, these idiotic politicians have come down on the side of Islamofascists and their financial supporters rather than on the side of the American people.
US Armed Forces are winning in Iraq and Afghanistan, democratic elections have taken place in both countries, and liberals can't stand it. To the hate-America crowd, the thought of a Western victory over the forces of darkness is too horrible to consider. Just imagine what kind of world we'd be living in if we hadn't abandoned South Vietnam to the North Vietnamese Communists. Maybe we'd have been seen as such a bully that no one would have ever dared attack us again! Oh the horror!!
Most of the provisions of the Patriot Act are modeled after similar legislation used to combat organized crime syndicates. Contrary to the lies being peddled by the Left, judges must OK surveillance, and members of Congressional intelligence committees were advised of actions taken by the Administration. According to Senator John Kyl (R, Arizona), post-9/11 surveillence centered on telephone communications between Al Queda members in the Middle East and suspects inside the United States. Attorney General John Ashcroft never checked to see what books Barbra Streisand checked out of the Beverly Hills Library! He was too busy trying to prevent a repeat of September 11 and finding those responsible for the anthrax attacks (Have you forgotten so soon?).
Maybe these kooky politicians could try spewing their venom at the nuts that are trying to convert the world to their twisted ideology by slaughtering children and incinerating innocent people with jet fuel instead of slandering our Commander-in-Chief during a time of war.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*In the true spirit of Christmas, St. Louis Archbishop Raymond Burke has excommunicated several board members of St. Stanislaus Catholic Church, along with a priest who came to the parish to minister to the members. "St Stans" parishioners have been in a dispute with Burke over control of the church's property and financial holdings for some time. The Archdiocese demands that the parish hand over its assets and submit to the Archbishop. The members are fearful that in doing so, they will sign the death warrant for the beloved church they have worked so hard to preserve.
Strangely enough, Burke has ignored the concerns of St Louis-area Catholics regarding the priest sex abuse scandal, and I doubt very much whether he will soon be excommunicating Catholic politicians who are avid supporters of abortion-on-demand. Better to pick on the faithful whose only crime has been saving a beautiful old house of worship from the auction block/wrecking ball.
Memo to Archbishop Burke: What would Jesus do?

*The national press is all in a twitter over reports that the Bush Administration surveilled possible terror suspects without first obtaining warrants in the months immediately following Septemeber 11, 2001. Democrats, like Seanator "Depends" Leahy of Vermont (also home to professional nutter Howard Dean), howl that they are "outraged" by this 'violation' of the Constitution.
Looking at the facts, however, one can draw a different conclusion. Members of the Senate Intelligence Committee, including Dem Jay Rockefeller, had been advised of the surveillence, and a judge assigned to the intelligence agencies was also in the loop. The New York Times reporter who wrote the story said he had been asked by officials in the Administration to delay publishing the story to prevent alerting terrorists, but had finally decided he had to come forward. Turns out he has a book being released in the near future and apparently felt profit was more important than national security. These are the same folks who would flay the President unmercifully if another 9/11-type attack (or worse) took place.

*Old Busch Stadium, former home of the St. Louis Cardinals (baseball AND football!), Rams, and soccer Stars, is no more. The last section fell to the wrecking ball in the wee hours of a cold Midwestern morning. Next Spring, the Redbirds will open a brand-new shrine just across the street from the old ballyard. Here's to many more pennants, a World Series or two, or three, or four, and a million memories from across the street. The king is dead...long live the king!!

*The St Louis Blues announced they have a potential buyer--a financial holdings group that has mentioned the possibility of bringing in former Bluenote great Garry Unger as part of the mangement team. Here's hoping the deal gets done and the rebuilding of the franchise begins.

*I'm in a bit of a quandry. I purchased a tree to put up in the house, but don't know if I bought a Christmas Tree or a holiday tree. The guy at the tree lot was too busy trying to stay warm to talk about it, and none of my neighbors has a clue. I guess I'll just put it up, decorate it, and hope for the best. If Santa doesn't come by, I'll just have to pin my hopes on Kwanzaa.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*I read an interesting take on the stem cell debate today. In her latest book, How to Talk to a Liberal, conservative pundit Ann Coulter questions the need for taxpayer support of stem cell research if the potential rewards are so great.
Bans on embryonic stem cells only prohibit the spending of public money on research. If the claimed benefits of curing everything from alzheimers to cancer are so possible, why isn't research drawing in all types of private funding? Can you imagine the profit to be made on a cure for dread diseases or disabilities? Or are proponents overselling the potential in order to get their hands on the billions of taxpayer-supplied dollars government-supplied funding would provide?

*The St. Louis Rams lost to the Washington Redski...Oooops, I meant Native Americans, 24-9 on Sunday, ending their slim hopes for a playoff spot. Oh well, at least we'll get a higher pick in the draft next Spring.

*There are only 18 shopping days left 'til Christma---Ooops, I meant the Winter Holiday. Oh the heck with it----MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

*Former US Attorney General Ramsey Clark is representing Saddam Hussein in his trial for crimes against the Iraqi people. Clark will insist his client never had sex with "those women...the one's in the rape rooms", and trot out dozens of former Baathist officials to swear they believe their President.

*Why do I always come down with a cold/virus/flu/lyme disease right before a holiday?

*Rumor has it that Santa has a new helper to assist him on Christmas Eve. The newest North Politan is a Golden Retriever named Elfis who brings treats and toys to all the good little animals. It is reported that Elfis loves cookies as much as Jolly St. Nick, but would prefer Coca-Cola to milk since moo-juice gives him gas. Elfis leaves his calling card by marking all the presents under the tree (No, not that! He leaves sticky notes with his name on them). He also pees on everything (with apologies to the comic strip "Get Fuzzy" for lifting their stuff!).

More Kudos for Kurt!

The National Football League has named Kurt Warner National Football Conference Player of the Week for his performance in a 38-28 victory over the St. Louis Rams. His lifetime quarterback rating at the Edwards Jones Dome is now the highest for any player at any stadium in NFL history.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

* Three cheers for QB Kurt Warner for leading the Arizona Cardinals to a 38-28 victory over the St. Louis Rams at the Edward Jones Dome on November 20. #13 completed 27 of 39 passes for 285 yards and 3 touchdowns as he returned to the town he put on the football map with 2 Super Bowl appearances, a World Championship, and 2 MVP awards. In spite of being treated shamefully by the Rams organization, Kurt remained the class act he is and only said good things about his former team. Best wishes to the Warner family. We still love you in St. Louis.

*What a pain it has to be to work in retail these days. Not only do you have to put up with low pay, long hours, and crabby customers, you also have to get up at the crack of dawn the day after Thanksgiving to be on station at 5 a.m. when the stores reopen after the holiday! To add insult to injury, some places (e.g. K-mart) were open on Turkey Day. I'm guessing the big shots at Sears Holdings (the parent company) weren't at their desks catching up on paperwork.

*Watched an AKC dog show on TV yesterday to pass the time between helpings of turkey. I saw breeds of dog I never heard of before (a bearded collie?), and some pretty silly-looking examples of the canine species. The Best-of-Show winner was a Bull Terrier that was about the ugliest mutt I ever saw. Instead of picking a cool dog like a lab or retriever, the final group came down to a pit bull. Maybe the American Kennel Club is trying to polish the Bull's image, but come on! If you're into this sort of thing, you can catch the results at www.dogshowusa.com

*I'm trying to get into a new hobby: woodworking. I've bought a table saw and compound power miter saw so far, and from what I've been reading, I only need to spend about $10,000,000 more to be ready to go. I started pricing wood as well, and unless you're able to mill the trees in your yard or driftwood you find along the river, the materials will cost and arm and a leg as well. No wonder homeless people have to settle for cardboard!

*Old Busch Stadium is only about 1/3 still standing as demolition continues to make way for the new St. Louis ballpark. Last night's local news showed lots of people stopping by in sub-freezing temperatures to get one last picture of the old shrine. At least they've got their priorities straight and know what's really important.

*My wife and I went shopping on Wednesday evening (Thanksgiving Eve), and on the drive home had a close encounter with both a deer and a possum. Luckily, I was driving the Mighty Merc at about 30 mph and didn't hit either animal, but it was quite a surprise. I've seen plenty of possums in North St. Louis County over the years, and several deer, but this was almost inside a subdivision called Ville Maria. The development that's going on all around the area is apparently really infringing on wildlife, and I hope the critters don't all end up as hood ornaments.

*All I want for Christmas is a 2 HP, 1/2 and 1/4 inch collet router, a router table, a matching plunge router, a supply of straight and blemish free hardwood, and a Norm Abrams-clone to show me how to properly use them (don't forget safety glasses and hearing protection!). Oh yeah, and to still have 10 fingers when I'm finished working with all those spinnig bits and saw blades!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

This weeks Rants, etc, etc, is being published on Friday rather than Saturday because I have to work tomorrow morning. (Boo!)

*How come the Democrats are OK with Zarqawi and Al Queda winning in Iraq but are unhappy with the United States winning? Probably preoccupied with the threat Judge Alito poses to the employment of all those abortion providers out there. After all, first things first!

*The St. Louis Blues broke an 11-game losing streak with a victory over Columbus last night. Unfortunately, it was the PeeWee League team in Columbus that the BlueNote beat up on! (Just kidding, just kidding)

*The Arizona Cardinals come to the Jones Dome in St. Louis this Sunday to play the Rams. I know the Big Red are bad, but the sight of that white helmet with the "ornery bird" on it brings back a lot of gridiron memories, most of them painful. I even have a set of drinking glasses with the Cardinals logo on them that date back to the 1960s. Man, talk about a glutton for punishment.

*Bought a new Craftsman reciprocating saw from Sears that can cut through just about anything. One note of caution: make sure what you're demolishing isn't a load-bearing wall!

*St. Louis is working hard to get a new bridge built across the Mississippi River connecting the Gateway City to the nudie bars on the East Side (Illinois). Who says the movers and shakers (bad pun) in this town aren't civic-minded?

*Is there a chinchilla doctor in the house? Seriously.

Bush Hits Back, Democrats Scream!

After too many months of silence, President Bush finally came out swinging against Democrats attacking the liberation of Iraq. In spite of past pronouncements of the threat posed by Saddam Hussein, former Clintonistas and Senate liberals have now seized on Iraq as their majic carpet back into power.
The Dick Turbans of the world want to rewrite history in order to claim that the intelligence that led the Bush Administration to remove Saddam in 2003 is somehow different than the material that allowed Bill Clinton to launch missile and bomber strikes against Iraq and that pushed Congress to pass the "Regime Change in Iraq" resolution in the late 1990s. Unfortunately for the Democrats and their accomplices in the media, conservatives on Talk Radio and in the blogosphere aren't so willing to go along.
To be sure, the Iraq War has been costly and difficult, but the sight of Senate Minority Leader "Dingy" Harry Reid and Ted "the Swimmer" Kennedy proclaiming that the President of the United States sent American troops to "die for a lie" is downright treasonous. These anti-American political hacks and their co-conspirators from the looney Left are willing to sacrifice US troops in order to defeat George W Bush politically. Since they failed to beat 'W' at the polls, and fear still greater defeats from a realigned Supreme Court, the Left-wing fringe is going all-out to destroy the President by attacking him in the most disgraceful manner possible. It's a safe bet that Al-Jazeera is gleefully spreading this poison around the Middle East.
Hopefully, President Bush and VP Cheney will continue to counter the distortions of the Democrats and promote the growth of representative government across the Middle East. More importantly, our soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines need to hear from their civilian leadership that they are fully supported by every resource the nation can muster, and that they are admired and appreciated for the tremendous job they are doing in the most trying circumstances.

Albert the Great--MVP!

Congratulations to Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols on being named the 2005 National League Most Valuable Player. After finishing second twice before to Barry Bonds (Boo!), the voters finally came to their senses and recognized the best player in the League. Hopefully, Albert will get a World Series ring in the not-too-distant future, along with a Gold Glove, to round out his trophy case. If the rest of his career is anything like the first few years, he's gonna need a bigger place to house all those awards!

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever

*Democratic Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada wants another investigation into pre-Iraq War intelligence in order to embarass President George W Bush. "Dingey Harry" and the rest of the Congressional Leftists think it more important to score propaganda points on the political scene than it is to prosecute the War on Terror. The "Bush lied, people died" cliche is disingenuous considering the fact that the Left's poster boy, Bill Clinton, made the exact same charges against Saddam Hussein in the late 1990's. If not for the diversion caused by the Lewinsky scandal, the US was prepared to take out the Iraqi dictator long before Hillary looted the White House on her way out the back door.

*Speaking of misguided thinking, Republicans aren't immune from moments of lunacy either. John McCain and Lindsey Graham, GOP members of the Senate, are stumping for new laws to protect the legal rights of terrorists. Deftly rewriting the Geneva Conventions, these fellow travelers want to apply the rules of conventional war to those who wear no country's uniform, murder innocent civilians, including children, without hesitation, and vow to destroy Western Civilization in the name of God! Maybe these guardians of the "rights" of Islamofascists should be forced to issue their bleatings from Ground Zero in New York, the Pentagon, or the field in Shanksville, PA, where Todd Beamer and the other passengers of Flight 93's fight against terrorism ended on 9/11.

*Thanks to the St. Louis County government for mailing out property tax bills with a hefty increase. Some years back, homebuyers complained that they were being unfairly burdened with higher property taxes than those existing residents who had purchased their homes years earlier at far lower prices (Thanks to Jimmy Carter and the double-digit inflation of the late 1970s). True to their reptilian nature, local politicians agreed, and the result was a system of re-assessing all property every two years and adjusting (read:increase) taxes accordingly. Notice the true nature of this "solution": New homebuyers didn't get any relief from their tax burden, the politicos simply raised everyone else's taxes. Since home values have jumped sharply in recent years, so have tax bills.
In answer to the outraged voices of County residents, County Executive Charlie Dooley, in true statesman-like fashion, has refused to even consider reducing tax rates. Meanwhile, homeowners are selling their houses and fleeing across the Missouri River into St Charles County, where no doubt a different group of "public servants" will find ever more ingenious ways of separating citizens from their hard-earned paychecks.

*On a lighter note, the St Louis Rams, under interim head coach Joe Vitt, defeated the heavily-favored Jacksonville Jaguars last Sunday. Even though the Male Sheep had every reason to be distracted by the number of offensive stars out with injuries and the medical leave of Head Coach Mike Martz, the Lambs played with a lot of emotion and an inspired defense that was minus its starting Defensive End. Enjoy the bye week guys. You've earned it!

*You can now buy a new, steel,1969 Camaro convertible body and frame from a GM-authorized manufacturer, and a '68 Mustang Fastback is rumored to be in the works. What an awesome opportunity for those of us living in the Rust Belt! Will this inspire an entire series of classic musclecars from the 1960s? I sure hope so. To learn more, see the December 2005 issue of Hot Rod Magazine.

Vehicle Inspection--Your Tax Dollars at Waste

I went though the ritual of having my 2001 Mercury Marquis emissions tested today. In St. Louis, part of the license renewal process is a smog test at a privately run, state-mandated emissions station. The fee is $24, and if you pass, you breathe a sigh of relief that the bi-annual ordeal is finally over. Of course, you're lighter in the wallet, but the whole process is such a hassle that most folks are just happy to get it over and done with.
1996 and newer cars hook into a computer at the station that verifies the car's emissions controls are working properly. If not, you have to go to a state-approved repair facility and hand over your life savings to either fix the problem or get a waiver if the vehicle's beyond repairing to compliance. Older vehicles roll onto a dyno where the "technician" hooks an exhaust analyzer to the exhaust system and runs the vehicle through a "drive cycle". In reality, it sounds like they're trying to blow up the motor by continuously revving the engine to it's rpm limit!
The Missouri Legislature has tried to eliminate this boondoggle several times, but our most enlightened (read: bribed) public servants derail these efforts each year in the name of clean air. The privately-held stations are guaranteed cash cows for connected individuals, and we all know what politicians will do for money.
And I thought that only happened to you when you bought the car!

Halloween Rainout

It rained in St. Louis on Halloween. It hasn't rained much all year, but it rained on Halloween. St. Louis is in the midst of a drought, but it rained all day and most of the night. We had 26 brave tykes and their parents show up in spite of the gloomy weather, but the soaking definitely put a damper (sorry for the pun) on the festivities.
I suppose it could have been much worse. The trick-or-treaters were all well-behaved, and we had plenty of candy to last the evening. Sometimes in the past, we'd be down to handing out change and chewing gum. The only downside is that all that chocolate around the house draws me like a nail to a magnet. I guess we could always buy less candy, but then all those varieties strewn across the stores' shelves would be left homeless, and my selection of leftovers would include things like candy corn and Sweet Tarts.
Think I'll just stick with gluttony.

Intelligent Design? Are You Kidding Me?

Every time I hear an argument for Intelligent Design, I get ambivalent feelings. I look at the stars in the heavens at night, or at storm clouds from the window of an airliner and think, "Yeah, it would take somebody pretty awesome to create that". Then I see Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and Chuck Schumer and I say, "Nah!!".
Of course, maybe God's just got a really great sense of humor.

Judge Alito

It looks like President Bush recovered pretty quickly from the Harriet Miers flap by nominating an experienced jurist to replace Sandra Day O'Conner on the US Supreme Court. Judge Samuel A. Alito, Jr has a long and distinguished resume as a Federal Appeals Court judge, federal prosecutor, and lawyer. No word on whether he ever volunteered for Meals on Wheels.
That didn't stop knee-jerk liberals (including just-plain-jerk Chuckie Schumer) from attacking Alito as "dangerous" and a person "who would divide us rather than unite us". Huh?! Exactly where does it say in the job description that a Supreme Court justice must somehow 'unite' the people of the United States? I can just see the Senate hearings now: "Judge Alito, can you provide some examples of how you've brought people together since you were first appointed to the bench?". "Well, Senator, in one case involving the issue of gun control, I put a rifle, 5 bullets, and a law-abiding citizen together. It was a match made in heaven!" I bet Ted "hiccup" Kennedy's face would really blotch over that one!!
The 'Pro-Death' crowd will also be up in arms for fear that a new conservative majority on the Court will lead to greater restrictions on abortion. Funny how the same liberals who think the government should control every aspect of our lives, from where we live to where our kids go to school to how we should spend our own money get so whacko when it comes to ANY government intervention that preserves human life and dignity.
The Democrats will howl and scream, but in the end, I believe Alito will be confirmed. With any luck, more of the Court's liberal wing will decide they've had enough and give Bush the chance to add another Justice who believes in measuring laws by the Constitution and not creating law out of thin air.

Weekly Rants, Raves, and Whatever.

*Congrats to the Chicago White Sox on their World Series victory. Now, if only the Cubs could learn from their cross-town cousins! As a Cardinals fan, I wonder why the ChiSox batters could hit 'Stros pitching while the Red Birds (who knew the Houston pitchers far better than did Chicago) couldn't buy a hit in the League Championship Series? Was it the closed roof at the Houston ballpark? PS Hey Oswalt, nanny nanny boo-boo. You lost!

*Happy Birthday to the St. Louis Gateway Arch, which is now 40 years old. I've been to the top about 3 times since it opened. Not exactly the best record, but I'm always amazed at the number of home-town folks who've never ridden the cog train to the viewing deck. I know it can be a little claustrophobic, but the view is worth a little white-knuckle time.

*In 2005, homicides in St. Louis are way up. The Chief of Police says he doesn't think it represents a trend. If not, just what the hell does it represent?!

*I recently got a flu shot, but it just protects you from the most prevalent bug this season, not the possibility of a Bird Flu pandemic. I've heard that people who've gotten the Bird variety and died were all killed by smacking into picture windows! Easy, easy, it's just a joke.

*Speaking of flu shots, I didn't have any reaction to the vaccine itself, but the glue on the bandage the nurse put over the area did a number on my arm. When I ripped it off later that night, the skin underneath looked like I had the plague! I can see the headlines now: "Widow of man killed by Band-Aid receives millions in landmark court case".

*Highway 40 leading into St. Louis is headed for a major re-do. Let's hope they don't hire the same bunch that worked on the Metro-Link expansion! We'd have to change the name to US Highway 38 3/4.

*Happy Halloween, and you vandals stay the hell away from my Jack-O-Lantern!!

Farewell Harriet, we didn't know you well.

The Miers' nomination has been withdrawn, and conservatives across the airwaves and ethernet are touting their 'victory' over President Bush's choice to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Although I think Harriet Miers was not the best choice for Associate Justice, I'm a little surprised at the bally-hooing by some on the Right at her withdrawal.
National Review and some talk-radio hosts fretted that Miers was an unknown quantity who couldn't be counted on to uphold conservative principles once confirmed. They spoke of the pressure the 'elites' on the Court would put on her to conform in order to be accepted. They even mocked her lack of solid Ivy-League law school credentials as another reason for their lack of support. They even brushed off 'W's' entreaties on Miers' behalf, claiming the President couldn't be trusted.
There also appears to have been a general uneasiness about the appointment of an evangelical Christian to the nation's highest court. The East Coast GOP Brahmin may solicit donations and volunteers from the Red States, but it's not so certain they intend to share power with a bunch of Jesus-loving rednecks from outside the Beltway. Unlike Ronald Reagan, the 'Easties' have met Republicans they don't like.
No wonder the Democrats are able to maintain their standing with their constituencies despite having no ideas and no solutions. Just leave Republicans alone and they'll quickly devour each other. GOP Senators who were elected to restrain government spending and immediately went on an LBJ-style giveaway spree were bleating that the President didn't keep his word!
Forcing the President to cave on Miers may also come back to haunt Republicans in 2006. Already a lame duck, Bush will have little coat-tail to offer GOP candidates, and any political consultant will tell you that disharmony in the Party spells disater at the polls.
George W may recover by finding a strong Supreme Court candidate in the mold of Antonin Scalia or William Rehnquist. Let's just hope the internal squabble in the Republican Party doesn't beget us another Anthony Kennedy or David Souter.

Tool Days, Tool Days

Took advantage of the Craftsman Club tool sale at Sears today and picked up a compound miter saw and a lightweight 2-ton floor jack that weighs less than 45 lbs. Haven't put the saw together yet, but had to take the jack back to Sears for a refund after discovering a leak at the lift valve.
I'd gotten the thing out of the box, and was following directions to purge any air that had set up in the cylinder during shipping (it's made in China), but just couldn't seem to get the darn thing purged. Then I noticed a small pool of hydraulic oil under the jack and started really looking the unit over carefully. After all, a floor jack that won't hold a car can be a bit off-putting! I finally found a leak right at the fill valve attached to the pump handle that was blowing oil out on lift and sucking air in on release.
Back I went to Sears, where the really nice folks apologized for my inconvenience and offered to get me another jack. After my experience, I decided to just take a refund for now and make a decision later. In all the years I've been purchasing Craftsman tools (30+), this is the first one I've had a problem with. I have an old Sears 1 1/2 ton jack that's about 25 years old, is American-made, and weighs almost as much as it lifts! It still works great, I was just hoping to get a jack that was a little easier to maneuver in my old age.
On the lighter side, I felt a little bit better knowing that the Chinese Army may have a million soldiers, but if they ever get a flat tire on their transportation they're gonna be stuck by the side of the road for a long, long time.
Now, I did see a really great price on a Craftsman scroll saw while I was waiting for my refund......

Rams 31 Titans 27

In a game that saw two teams combine for 7 turnovers, the St. Louis Rams defeated the Tennessee Titans at the Edward Jones Dome in the Gateway City. The Titans jumped out to a 10-0 lead before Adam Archuletta's interception of a Steve McNair pass gave the Male Sheep their chance to get back in the game. Later in the contest, the Rams had their opponents on the ropes before several miscues opened the door for a Titans rally. Fortunately for my blood pressure, McNair's 4th down pass fell incomplete, giving the Rams possession with just 29 seconds left in the final quarter.
Tennessee coach Jeff Fischer must be wondering how his team can play so hard against the Rams and still come up empty, especially with the similarities between Sunday's game and Super Bowl XXXIV in 2000. Once again, the Titans were driving for victory near the end of the game, only to come up short in the final seconds.
For Rams fans, one hopes the fire that Archuletta lit jumpstarts a team that had played fairly mediocre football, at least on offense, in the first two regular-season games. Losing to the 49ers (pain!), and barely squeaking by Arizona (only because the Big Red exhibited poor game clock management), wasn't exactly inspiring confidence in the team's 2005 prospects. At 2-1, the Lambs now have a chance to get back in the driver's seat in the NFC West, provided they can get past Seattle. That showdown with the Seahawks and Shaun Alexander will be the real deal, and may well determine who goes to the playoffs and who goes home.
But for now, it's time to savor the moment. The home opener ended in victory, both the Ram defense and offense came to life, and Torry 'Big Game' Holt turned in another spectacular performance, pulling down 9 catches. RB Steven Jackson showed the stud he is with his bruising running style, and Marshall Faulk showed he's still got gas in the tank when he lines up in the backfield.
Now...if Kansas City can keep winning, it could be an all-Missouri Super Bowl in Detroit!!

Katrina/Tsunami Comparisons and Media Bias

Following Hurricane Katrina's assault on the US Gulf Coast, the news media rushed to bash President George W. Bush for the slow response of federal relief efforts. Forgotten was the malfeasance of New Orleans Mayor Nagin and the mayor's political enemy Governor Blanco. 'W' was pilloried for everything from broken levies to stranded residents to global warming. News propagandists from the major media outlets cited the superior effort afforded to victims of the December 26, 2004 tsunami that devastated parts of south/southeast Asia and eastern Africa. If only Bush the Younger had been more vigilant, homes, businesses, and lives would already be rebuilt and thriving.
The problem with all the hyperbole, however, is that relief efforts in the tsunami-affected areas are still ongoing at a painfully slow pace. The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies (www.ifrc.org) reports that more than eight months after the earthquake and tidal wave struck, tens of thousands of people are still living in tents, huts, and other temporary shelters, and hundreds of thousands still depend on outside assistance to obtain food and clean drinking water. With roads and airports still out of service in many locations, aid deliveries take days instead of hours, and many evacuees wonder when their lives will regain some sort of normalcy (sound familiar?). Non-governmental organizations (NGOs) like the IFRC are working with the United Nations and local governments to provide aid and begin rebuilding, but all realize the recovery will be a herculean task that will last for years.
The American news media didn't report these facts about the tsunami because after a few days of newspots where TV reporters and print journalists got their Pulitzer Prize-submission pictures taken, they went home. What self-respecting network celebrity wants to hang out in Sri Lanka, the Maldives, or Indonesia when they can hang out with the beautiful people in New York or Los Angeles and write about Brad and Jennifer and Angolie? Besides, they have bigger fish to fry in the person of President Bush, a known eater of red meat (BBQ!) and worse yet, a Christian!
So many of the anti-American Left claim to be outraged at the supposed lies the Bush Administration told in preparing the United States for the Iraq liberation. Strange how lies perpetrated by their cohorts in the mainstream media don't bother them at all.